My partner and I have known each other for years. We used to be close friends (with benefits), but as feelings grew on both sides and things felt really good, we decided to become primary partners. I love him deeply, and never felt so stable in a relationship. I also had no problems or negative feelings about him seeing other people; quite the contrary. Until last Thursday, when my old friend ‘attachment anxiety’ suddenly showed up.

Honestly, I do not really understand why I felt so triggered. He only told me that from now on, he’d be seeing his secondary partner X regularly on Wednesdays. Which potentially meant a slight shift in frequency; he now sees her once every ten days. I also understand why this agreement could be better and more clear for all of us, including myself. But somehow it puts me in this intense competitive mood: something inside of me made me feel like from now on, I had to be more ‘perfect’; more fun, more sexy, more interesting and more beautiful, cause otherwise, he might ‘choose her’ and leave me.

I cried twice this week over tiny mistakes that he really doesn’t care about (coming late, forgetting something, crying), but that made me feel as if I am a bad girlfriend to him. He gave me lots of affirmation and told me that in essence, nothing has changed and that he really wants to be with me. But my mood remains sad and on edge - and at this point I’m just frustrating him. I feel kind of ‘stuck’. How do I get out of this loop? I just want to feel like my confident, authentic self again.