Struggling with the concept of rules and boundaries in a non manog situation when they stem from mistrust or jealousy rather than a more logical place of thoughtfulness. Me and my boyfriend have been non manog from the get go and are about 6 months in and have both done non manog relationships before. I have multiple other people I sleep with and am talking to/interested in that were all on the scene at the start of our relationship. He seems comfortable and ok with those situations even if sometimes jealous he’s able to process and work through that.

Initially I asked about his boundaries and expectations and he said he didn’t have any per se but would rather address things as/when they come up which seemed fine for me. We talked about safe sex practices as an expectation which was positive.

He’s very open to sharing about dates and people he’s keen on which I don’t I’m not really interested in asking or knowing about but fine to talk about and also to challenge myself to get comfortable with, he also asks quite a bit about the other people I see and when he meets new friends of mine he often asks if I’ve slept with them which I find interesting and feel some of this stems from insecurity.

I don’t really experience jealousy often, I trust that someone is with me because they want to be and also know that if things run their course that’s ok. Not all loves are forever, I also have multiple people that feed my life in various different ways and so I’m ok with not being someone’s everything. It often feels like (and he has expressed) that he doesn’t trust me in the same way even though I’ve not done anything to demonstrate I’m not trust worthy.

The issue or concern I have is that on many occasions he’s talked with me about doing things with others or in situations like perusing a friend of mine or hooking up with a stranger at a party in front of me, and I’ve been completely open to and accepting of those things, but when it’s reversed he’s not as open or comfortable.

I don’t have an issue as much with what he’s comfortable or not comfortable with but more that he has a tendency to make a rule based on his discomfort without a proper discussion and what seems without any reflection or effort to sit with and move through discomfort.

I see non manog and any relationship as being about shared understanding and an ongoing conversation. I also think it’s as important to reflect on and challenge our own insecurities rather than just create rules for others based from those places of insecurity and mistrust.

This was all presented to us recently where a situation arose and evoked jealousy/mistrust in him and a sense of hurt and resentment in me we half talked about it at the time but mostly it was a bin fire of big emotions so wasn’t a healthy conversation from either of us.

Is this something I should flesh out with him properly?