Hello! Long-time lurker, first-time poster.

My husband (33m) and I (32f/nb) have been taking our journey towards ENM slowly, with discussions about it starting two years ago and being on dating apps for about two months now. Overall, we are doing very well!

Since I got on hinge about a month ago, I’ve had consistent pleasant and interesting communication with one particular man. He is also a partnered ENM and was very open in the beginning about him taking a long time to date anyone, preferring to be friends first. Because of the instant chemistry and attraction, I dialed back the flirting I usually lead with and we had mostly platonic discussions about multiple things. I looked forward to the conversations.

However tonight I made a passing flirty comment, which he didn’t really respond to/brushed off, and I checked in about not flirting in the future if it went against his timeline. He assured me that it was fine, but he did want to make clear that he was only looking for friendship right now because of his busy schedule. I was very taken aback, at this was not mentioned any other time before. He apologized and said that he didn’t want to lead me on, as he just started dating someone new and didn’t have any time for romantic excursions. He offered to stay friends or maybe pull back and check in later on, in case “his relationships or work changed”. I thanked him for his honesty and declined on account of not wanting to set myself up for failure with falling for someone who wasn’t available. He accepted my reasoning and wished me luck.

So I guess what I’m looking for is some advice from my ENM veterans about processing this. I wasn’t expecting to feel so — sad? I do have a stone in the pit of my stomach. It was quite jarring as some emotional intimacy was being developed through talking every day and had I know he didn’t see me that way, I never would have allowed it. Is there anything I could do better next time? Is this a common occurrence?