I know toxic people exist everywhere, but it seems really disproportionate in ENM circles online and in the real world. Like toxic people are the norm in ENM when they are exception in most others.

Some anecdotal examples.

Last week I posted an anonymous question to a local ENM facebook group (I know that the admins can still see it was me but that's fine) but I was trying to avoid the perception that I was looking in that group and any biases others may have towards me (I only lurk there anyways). I was asking for apps, spots around town, and groups where I can meet others, that sort of thing. I stated that I was AFAB, in my early 40's, recently divorced, a professional, and "looking to explore with another woman for the first time" and that was it about me. Most of the replies were good but then a person accused me of a being a unicorn hunter and being unethical and went on an entire tangent about that. I know it shouldn't bother me but there were others who 'liked' their comment and even went on to have conversations with them about how wrong I was. I'm the freaking unicorn here! Even taking into consideration that they clearly missed where I said I was AFAB and a bisexual seeking a bisexual woman to explore with, it was still a 'OMG, these people are so amped up about this that they really are just waiting to pounce on anyone' moment.

In another discussion I mentioned that while I like the idea of poly, and I do, I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle the jealousy just yet, I'm simply too new and I just don't know. I just don't and I'm being honest. Sex I can compartmentalize, at least I'm way more confident that believe I can, but I'm not sure about a partner of mine being in love with others and holding different loving relationships. Maybe I will grow into this but I have 40 years of being monogamous and I have no desire to rush into this world. In reply to this, I was met with all sorts of vitriol about my "version of poly being wrong" to I "shouldn't be ENM at all" to "ENM has no room for jealous people". I didn't say I was jealous, just that I didn't know if I would be in romantic terms and I wasn't ready or in a rush to find out, especially if it meant bringing someone down with me. Again, it shouldn't have bothered me but wow! These people are real and they are so quick to attack!

I commented in another thread here on Reddit - that I deleted it or I'd link to it - where I stated that I was looking for a bi-female to experiment with and immediately got attacked for being homophobic, and all sorts of attacking me about "OPP" (which I later discovered that it meant, "other people's penis" if you didn't know either). I was AFAB! Come on people! I laughed it off but those people were so quick and full force to hit me with their attacks that it just caught me off guard.

There are more that have been directed at me and there's really no shortage of others you'll find reading through posts here and elsewhere. And reading others conversations honestly worries me that ENM is just full of really toxic people and those who aren't toxic, are fine with others being toxic.