So for context, my husband and I have been together for 14 years. About 3 years ago he kept floating the idea that “I should get a girlfriend” which I thought was silly. Then he started floating the idea of CNM which I said no to him several times. Eventually I caved because I was so tired of hearing about it. Well it went absolutely horribly, the rules and boundaries in place were broken the first place and he thought nothing of it. I was truly heartbroken and cried for months. I had told him multiple times that I didn’t want to open the marriage anymore. I would have much rather worked on our relationship.

We had a conversation about 5 months ago where he recalls me saying “I don’t want to do that right now” which for me is a way of saying NO, I don’t want an open marriage. Well I find out that he’s been lying and cheating, and has a girl on the side now. The years of him talking bout living in truth and honesty and being your authentic self, just seems like such a lie.

Is there something wrong with me? He told me after the first incident, I was simply acting out of fear and jealousy. That I should have thought about my feelings beforehand and that I shouldn’t be angry or upset over anything.

How do I handle it? It doesn’t seem like he cares much anyhow. Not an ounce of remorse for infidelity. He’s been so mean and critical the last few months, I just don’t even recognize him anymore. I feel so betrayed and I don’t even know if I’m allowed to feel that way.