My partner and I (both women) were polyamorous before she got arrested. I would really appreciate that you reserve judgment/don’t give advice about leaving her- we are super happy together despite the circumstances, she is genuinely an amazing person, and we are really compatible. She’s very loving and supportive. All of my friends and family support our relationship and believe it’s healthy and good for both of us.

I’m really struggling with jealousy lately, and she’s so much more comfortable with the idea of me hooking up with others till we can be together. Before she got locked up I was happy and comfortable with it but now that she’s locked up it makes me sad because like, her only options are people she lives in a housing unit with. It hurts to imagine her doing anything with someone else when I just want us to be able to move in together and start a family and I can’t do that.

I don’t want her to feel restricted and honestly I know I’d be happy having the freedom too but I would rather just stay closed until we can be together in real life.

I know she’s really lonely and I can’t imagine how much incarceration sucks and hurts for her. I get wanting intimacy because I do too- it hurts falling asleep in an empty bed every night. Overall I’m happy with what we have, but I do wish we could build a life together right now. For some reason I just can’t get past my jealousy, and she feels whiplash from how much I’ve changed with being supportive with her falling in love with someone else to struggling with the idea of her even kissing somebody.

I know she’s willing to compromise but I don’t get how she would keep it casual with someone when they see each other every day. She said I would always come first but I just scared I won’t feel like her primary anymore.

Even if you don’t have advice I would appreciate support and gentleness and compassion.