I wish this list existed on the internet when I first started trying. I was monogamous for a hot minute prior! I could have used some help!! So I decided to make one for someone else. Enjoy. (Abuse is never condoned and neither is coercion. If you feel like you're being forced to try non monogamy in any way, kick your current partner to the curb. They ain't doin' it right. -----------------------------------------------‐-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) Jealousy is always linked to something. Fix the core of the issue. I go by the cupcake model as I call it. You can't just lick the icing off the cupcake and say you ate the whole damn thing. Realize that finding the core of your issues might take a while. Emotions are multifaceted. Also, stop beating yourself up for feeling jealousy. Its a human emotion. It might be a pain in the ass sure, but its part of what makes you, you. -----------------------------------------------‐-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2) You have problems in your relationship. I don't care how good you think you are, non monogamy as a whole magnifies everything in your relationship. You will find a hiccup. That's okay! Fixing issues in your relationship only makes it stronger. ----------------------------------------------‐-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3) Identifying to yourself that your monogamous relationship is over is essential. It sounds dumb, but you need to grieve it. Especially if you're hesitant in starting out. It'll help you move forward. Also, don't close your relationship to fix issues. Would you close off your friends to work on your monogamous issue? No. Not sleeping with others or talking with others usually doesn't fix anything. The issues usually have nothing to do with that at their core anyway. -----------------------------------------------‐-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4) You're gonna be talking a lot. A lot a lot. Take what you think is talking about your relationship alot, and multiply it by 5. I'm serious. Also, there isn't any issue that shouldn't be talked about. Don't assume a damn thing, ask questions. Oh, and for the love of everything, don't ask them for honesty and then punish them for it. Be prepared for their honesty to sting at least once. Whether it hits an insecurity or your ego, its gonna happen. That's on you to handle, but talk about that too! ----------------------------------------------‐-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5) I don't care what your head tells you, they love you, and you are good enough. Sex doesn't equate to love, and the tight vagina theory is overrated. Men like any type of friction. I promise you, most men don't put vagina tightness in their top priority list, and most men are pretty open to what they sexually enjoy. They also don't compare as much as you do. I promise you. Refer to number 4 if you don't believe me!