Me (41F) and my partner (37M) have known each other for close to 20 years, but we have only recently reconnected. We had at one point in the past been engaged, but it was not a very healthy time for me or for him. We have been communicating off and on since then, and he has been very open with me about everything.

He is currently married, while I am recently getting out of an unhealthy relationship. He and I have always had a unique and powerful bond, and the chemistry between us is only intensified. That is why I am struggling with the situation that concerns me most in regards to us having an ENM relationship.

He’s told me that he has discussed with his wife that he wants an open marriage and he has stated that she has no issues with it but that she does not want to know. That is a concern for me, because I know that it is important that honest communication is key to the success of any ENM relationship, whether you are married or not, so it makes me feel like if she may turn this around and into something that I would never want for him or for her.

Maybe I am just being paranoid and overthinking things, but I don’t want to be the reason for them to possibly divorce. I know that they have small children together and that they have issues between them outside of others, but it is something that has been bothering me for a while and I don’t know her personally, but I would never want to be a reason why she or their children go hurt.

If anyone else has had any issues like this before, I would be very grateful for any help with how to reconcile them. Thank you in advance.