OK so I struggled with where to post this - either in this community or in the narcissistic abuse community, but decided here since it involves multiple partners interacting.

(TL;DR: should I try to explain to a narcissistic partner all of the reasons we broke up or just cut him off since he obviously won't hear me.... but so much more and I don't know how to explain it with more brevity so apologies)

I was in a relatively stable Quad for over 4 years. It included me (Let's just call me WA) and my husband (HA) and another husband (HB) and wife (WB). We were more of a W than a V - as I - WA - dated HB - and WB dated my husband, HA. Over time - HB began exhibiting more narcissistic traits, such as dominating all of the conversations whenever we were together and making fun of my husband - in and out of his presence. His behavior was becoming more and more overbearing to the point where I began contemplating breaking up with him.

In August, WB broke up with HA. She told me a few weeks later that it was because she was going through a lot of things (she is) and needed space to breathe. Also, HB was belittling HA so much that she couldn't stand it any longer, and thought it would be easier to just break up with him.

After that happened, HB asked me if I wanted to take a break from our relationship to give HA a chance to work through his feelings (uncharacteristically non-narcissistic, but I've come to think that he did this so that he could continue to feel superior to HA). I said yes, because I wanted some space to think about what I really wanted. I wasn't ready to make a complete break, and I thought this would give me time to work stuff out.

About three weeks later, HB was hammering me with questions and accusations of "hard" dropping him. Bear in mind, we had been in some contact during that time - every week or so. He also began belittling HA, so at that point I said it was time to end things. Predictably, he went off in a huff, but not without saying that all of this was HA's fault because WB broke up with him. I stopped communicating all together, but I hadn't dropped him from social media. I didn't think it was necessary.

He began sending me these weird TikToks of a guy shouting things like "You're FUCKING AWESOME! GO KICK ASS! THERE'S NO ONE LIKE YOU!!! YOU"RE FUCKING IRREPLACABLE" and also Rick Rolling stuff - hard to say which was worse - and after about the fourth day of this I decided to block him.

I warned WB I had done this because I knew he was going to flip out. Sure enough, about 36 hours later, she sent me a text requesting that I tell him why I blocked him. So, I told him I found the videos weirdly aggressive and that based on his previous online conduct with other people, I concluded the best thing to do would be to block him.

His response was to tell me "I never directed that at you" and then said I was portraying him as a violent ogre, and that he really wanted to talk about it. I told him I was busy and didn't have time to chat. I checked in with WB (she and I have been trying to preserve our friendship) and she said she also looked at the videos and told him they were weird and aggressive. He said he thought they were inspirational.

Anyway........ is it worth trying to rationally explain anything to this person? I'm wondering if I should do it, but as seen above, he jumps to conclusions and believes what he wants to believe. (Example: he's now saying my husband first broke up with his wife). If you've read this so far, I give you big points.

It used to be so lovely......

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