Hi, I’m looking get some perspective about my current situation.
I (F28) have been in a poly relationship with my primary partner, T (M38), for close to 6 months now. We date separately, and have agreed to use condoms with metamours.
I started seeing an ex, W (M45)—we’d dated in 2021 for a year, but then reconnected in April this year. Back in 2021, W and I hadn't used condoms with each other. This year, when I told W about my agreement with T, I faced quite a bit of resistance from. W told me that condoms didn’t really make sense if all partners were tested and STD free, they just made things feel less good. Each time before sex, he’d ask me whether I still had my condom agreement with my primary. I would say yes. Then W would ask me if it was OK to go raw just a little bit. I’d tell him that it was ok, but then would insist that we would need to use condoms if he went in all the way.
Last month, I decided to stop seeing W because I was uncomfortable with the way we were having sex—I'd felt a bit violated. I eventually told my primary partner, T, about the situation—about my decision to stop seeing W, and about the minor breach of the condom agreement. T expressed disappointment but also acknowledge the situation I’d been put in with W.
I don’t know how to feel about W’s actions. Was it sexual coercion? Was I wrong for breaking my agreement with T? I feel sad for causing T to feel disappointed in me. I’ve told T that I’m committed to working on my boundaries—he’s been understanding and forgiving. Still, I can’t help but feel crummy about the whole situation.