I read and post to subreddits about cuckolding / hotwifing. The most common way couples were setting their rules in the past were closest to swinger rules or norms, except that more 1 on 1 play dates were likely to be had.

More and more though, there is a broader spectrum of ways of relating to the play or date partner. I'm all for this, as I think feeling certain ways about a person you have sex with multiple times is quite normal.

It gets tough to discuss this though, as we don't all mean exactly the same thing when we say "feelings" or "emotions". For example, I could get with a swinger at a sex party who has very strict rules, and have feelings of excitement or gratitude. Those are feelings. Depending on her character, I might even admire some things about her. I can do this all silently.

Ultimately, are there other words we can use in the debate with people on whether feelings are allowed, or..... are good (on other subreddits)?

I feel a strong to desire to sort this out in my mind for two reasons:

1. I have many years of experience in both swinging and polyamory (not at the same time), and as a single that is looking for an serious partner, I want to be able to describe what I consider my ideal, and describe it clearly.
2. I think it's possible to feel a bond with a FWB, admire them, and appreciate them a lot...... all while not falling into deep love. I might even add feelings of a attachment to that list. I want to be able to explain this even better in online discussions, and I'm likely to start blogging as well.

I have thought that I prefer romantic monogamy, and might describe it that way, but..... I don't know if that fits either. Some people consider cuddling to be romantic, or passionate kissing, and I'd do those things with a play partner. Mostly, I don't need big "romantic" outings with multiple partners, but I still will bond more than people that purely shag as a sport.