My boyfriend (23) and I (23M) have discussed opening our relationship up for the better part of a year. We’ve dabbled very lightly (threesome) but I’ve been the one keeping it moving quite slowly.

When he first discussed opening up he had recently gotten back in touch with his ex FWB, Mary (24F). Since then they’ve hung out quite a few times and engaged in oral sex a few times as well. Some issues with communication on both our ends meant that this didn’t always feel great for me which is a reason why I’ve been so hesitant to fully open our relationship. Since then we have closed our relationship until I (and I hate that it relies on me) feel more comfortable or on the same page as him. They have continued to hang out together as friends which I’ve always encouraged.

He’s mentioned a few times that he’d love for me to meet her because she’s “so great”, “open minded” and we’d “have so much to talk about”. I’ve always said “maybe” or “I don’t know if I’m in the right mindset”.

Recently however he’s getting a bit more solid in trying to suggest it. “How about on Tuesday?” “Let’s go to the pub that night and see Mary.”

I’d appreciate some advice or insight into meeting Mary. I think I’m going to rip it off like a Band-Aid because it clearly means a lot to him and that’s important to me.

My main fears are that I’ll be ganged up on by the two of them and be pressured into “allowing” them to be open. Or that it’ll be weird like she’s asking permission when I don’t know/trust her at all.

Additional context/info that was harder to loop in: - I’m gay. He’s bisexual. So a threesome with her does not interest me much. - We’ve always agreed that if we opened up it wouldn’t be opening up romantically only sexually. - He drunkenly mentioned that she sees me as a barrier to him or the person who got to him first. When I mentioned this to him when he sobered up he said he had no idea what he meant and that it wasn’t true because she doesn’t know me. - They had a FWB situation for about 2 years that ended when he and I got together. The entirety of the time they were friends she wanted a relationship and announced feelings for him that he didn’t reciprocate. - He’s mentioned a couple of times how she’s quite open minded because she wants a “bisexual boyfriend”. Always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. - Similarly, it took him over a year to be comfortable enough to tell her about me and him which always kind of irked me.

Any advice on navigating this particular experience or advice on opening up, discussing feelings, etc would be VERY much appreciated. I have no one else I can talk to about this stuff other than him.