My husband and I opened our marriage about 6 months ago. I did not even consider myself remotely bi-curious at the time and it certainly wasn’t a factor in our decision. Early on, I got blitzed with messages from couples on various apps “looking for a third,” and I always ignored them.

However, recently, I became involved sexually with a married man who is also in an ENM relationship. I was aware his wife was bi, but it was never really discussed again until after our fifth or sixth date, when he started floating the idea of a threesome. After a bit of prodding over our next few dates, I eventually agreed to try it. I liked it enough to try it a second time, and by now, the three of us have played together probably a half dozen times, and I’m starting to really enjoy it quite a bit.

Nothing I did was against our “rules,” but I still felt like it was something I should tell my husband about. He was supportive and understanding, as I expected him to be. However, he now is under the assumption that I should be ok with me and him seeking a threesome with a different woman, but I’m just not comfortable with that right now.

One of the main reasons we decided to try ENM instead of swinging is that I just don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable being literally right there while my husband has sex with another woman. I know he is having sex with others, and while I don’t love that feeling, I accepted in advance that I would have to be comfortable with that much if we were really going to try this. And I have absolutely accepted and been OK with that. But I still don’t want to watch him.

However my husband has now suggested that if I’m ok having threesomes with other couples, I should be willing to do it with him too. Is he right? Do I owe him that experience. Am I being selfish?