So fairly long story but let me TL;DR as best as I can.

My (M47) wife (F36) is bi-sexual and has voiced her desire to explore, which I gave her full support to do (without me being a part of it.) If she would like to include me that would be great. In the past, however, she has been extremely jealous and doesn't like me watching anything with nudity (bye bye GoTs or Narcos) or even looking at other women. It seemed to be a double standard to me. I understood where she was coming from at the time, but now it has gotten ridiculous to the point that I turn away from the TV if a naked butt is shown, just in case. Personally, I would love to be able to share her desire for women and go to swingers clubs together, maybe find a few women for her to play with.

We have many more issues besides this that I won't go into here for brevity, but let's just say she is very controlling and angry most of the time, taking it out on me and the kids. I feel like I am the one to always give in despite the fact that I make 3/4s of the household income and work to make sure everyone has what they need (mortgage is paid, car payments, insurance for all 5 of us, braces, etc.) Her income she treats as fun money for her and her projects.

I know this isn't a happy place for me, and once all 3 kids graduate HS I will most likely get a divorce. But lately I have a huge desire to be with other women. Like, even to the extent of hiring an escort. Despite the pain she causes me and the way she treats me, I don't want to hurt my wife. She is adament about no ENM and if another woman even touches me she will lose her shiz, but I really want to explore my sexuality and, being raised a very conservative Christian all my life, I've only ever been with 3 women. Now, I would really like to open up and explore that a bit more.

So, with all that on the table - does it seem I am really interested in ENM or just that I want to escape an unhappy situation, and maybe I am looking for a way out? I don't want to over think this, but I do feel guilty because while I do care for my wife, I'm losing attraction to her both physically and emotionally do to the constant power struggles we have and the things she says to me.

And before you ask, yes we've had several different marriage therapists and none of them have seemed to work. Any attempt on their part to have her examine herself or her behavior, and she no longer wants to see that therapist.

I appreciate you reading this post, and look forward to hearing your opinions on my situation.