So me and my SO have been together for like 2,5 years, except for a few months beginning of this year where we broke up.

She has been poly throughout the relationship and I tried to be for her sake. But eventually i just couldnt and that's part of why we broke up. Eventually she "realised" that she doesnt want poly either if that means not being able to be with me. She has also been so sure that she doesnt want kids and now she can suddenly imagining having one with me.

We got back together on the premiss that the relationship is open instead of polyamorous and because I love her and missed her like crazy I agreed.

But everytime she mentions one of her friends that she is sleeping with (which is all of them basically), my stomach turns inside out and I start dissociating. I hate feeling like this. I dont want her to feel even more restricted by telling her that I am very uncomfortable with all of this, but that makes me feel very dishomest.

I try working on myself to get to a place where I feel ok with it all. But it is just so damn hard and I don't know what to do.