I haven’t seen my mother since October 2012, haven’t “spoken” to her since 2016. I had been returning things then it finally stopped. I reached out to my daughter who hasn’t spoken to me since October 2020. We got in a fight, something stupid but it was the final straw in years of turbulence (bad divorce was a big factor, as well as her dad is a controlling, manipulative Jesus freak. She sides with my mother, says she’d never treat me the way I treat her. Because after my dad died & wasn’t there to referee, I stood up for myself. Multiple times over a course of two years, when I decided enough was enough. There’s more to my daughters & my story of course, and I know my faults, I’ve taken responsibility & apologized. Apparently not enough or like me, she is tired of the roller coaster. I can’t blame her. I know silence is an answer but I wanted to make her know I am here no matter what.

I recently reached out with another apology, for everything I could think of, told her how proud of her I am for everything she has become despite her parenting. She is going to be a mother soon, and I know she & her wife will break the cycle. She didn’t respond to the letter. A few weeks later, I asked if she’d be willing to go to family counseling. She declined, but encouraged me to go. She closed with a request for me to leave her be. Unlike my mother, I will honor that request.

Karma is a bitch…door not completely closed. I’ll always be here for her but on her terms if she ever wants me back.

So, I know I’m in a sub of children who are NC, and while I’m also one, I’m estranged from my own child. I just hope it does stop now, that she will be the mother I wasn’t & not the mother I had.