This is the longest period that we've ever went without talking to each other. As always, I initiated the "no contact". I cut him off completely, deleted his number, blocked him on what little social media I do have, everything. I really hate that he hasn't even tried to reach out to me, though I don't know why.

Just now, I reversed all of that, so that I've opened the bridge of communication again between us. The hard part is actually reaching out to him and being the first to do so. Not having my dad in my life has affected me so much that I'm now seeing a psychiatrist. It's my fault, I took something he said the wrong way.

I haven't talked to my mom in about 8 years, and though I still think about her too, her absence hasn't affected me as much as my dad's. That's probably because I was much closer to my dad than my mom for all my life. I cut my younger brother out years ago too, and again, it hasn't affected me as much, but it still kinda does.

Altogether, not having my family has made me lonely and extremely depressed. I don't understand how people deal with this for years, let alone just one year for me. It's literally driving me crazy. I can't do this anymore. Nothing I do can fill that void and I can't move on. I'm stuck!