I posted here a few months back about how to deal with my mom at my sister's wedding. Quick recap: I live in Asia, but am from California. Prior to this trip, I'd not been home to the US in 10 years and had been super, super low contact with my mother for about 18 months. I love my sister though-- she and I have a great relationship, and she really wanted me to be a part of her wedding (which I was and despite all that happened, am happy I got to be there and spend a week with her, my BIL and our niece and nephew). However, I had extreme anxiety leading up to this event and now I know it was for good reason. [In case you don't want to read to the end, essentially my mom and her crew went out of their way to ice me out, tell me off, and then later, posted about my sister's wedding, took photos from my FB page, and badly photoshopped me out of my own photos to make it seem like I wasn't there.]

The night of my sister's rehearsal dinner, my husband (who was meeting my entire family for the first time) and I showed up at the venue and I greeted my aunties and uncles warmly, with hugs. Most everyone was nice and cordial-- all seemed okay until my mom, her longtime boyfriend, and best friend arrived.

I'd previously decided that I would be kind and loving, not just for the sake of my sister, but also because that is the kind of person I am, and I wanted to feel good about myself and how I treat others. So when my mom walked up, I said hi and went to give her a hug. She reluctantly hugged me and immediately turned to speak to my husband while avoiding eye contact with me and not including me in their conversation. Her boyfriend walked by without so much as an acknowledgement. Later, I tried introducing my husband to Mom's BF and it was like pulling teeth; my husband introduced himself, to which Mom's BF replied, "Yeah, I know." It was so crunchy I could barely bring myself to go to the restaurant for dinner.

I pulled myself together and we headed to the restaurant. Since we were the last to arrive, we were at the very end of a long table next to-- of course-- my mom, her BF, and her best friends (one of whom was a woman I'd never met, didn't recognize her at all). They all had their bodies turned away from us so their backs were facing us and they refused to speak to us at all. I kept trying to grin and bear it, but I could feel what was going on.

I went to the bathroom and the woman I didn't recognize was there at the same time. I honestly had no idea who she was so i said, "Oh hi, I saw you earlier, are you here for my sister's wedding?" She refused to make eye contact with me and said, "Uh-huh." Me: "How do you know my sister?" Her: "I'm a friend of your sister's mom." Me: awkward pause..... "So, you mean, you're a friend of MY mom?" ((WTF?!)) Her: "Uh-huh." Me: "I'm NAME, nice to meet you." Her (still not making eye contact): "Yeah, I know, we've met before." Then she walks away. (Apparently we met like 20 years ago when I WAS A LITERAL CHILD).

So now I'm shaking because I know I am not imagining this. I go back to the table, tell my husband what has happened and I'm trying to stay calm, but I'm like, "How am I supposed to sit at this table for the next hour like this? I don't know if I can do it." I go outside, pretending to take a phone call, but really I call my bestie in Taiwan and cry and try to calm down. When I go back into the restaurant, the bitchy lady (Lisa, my "sister's mom's friend") is chatting with my husband, and as soon as I sit down, she turns her body away from him again and it's icy as hell.

Now, I'm fucking pissed. I did not fly halfway across the world, spend HELLA money on plane tickets, to be treated this way. They were treating me like I'd done some horrible thing to my mother (like stolen from her or put her through years of pain due to an addiction or something-- when literally, this rift started all because I asked my emotionally unavailable mother if she could be more supportive and present in my life. I wanted a closer relationship with her-- apparently, that was being "verbally abusive" lol).

So, I decide to take matters into my own hand. I say to everyone ignoring us at the end of the table, "So, you guys know this is HUSBAND's first time in the US and my first time home in 10 years, do ya'll have any questions for us?" BLANK stares back at me, and Mom's bitchy friend Lisa says, "Nope!"

I look at husband and say, "Wow, I am really glad we flew halfway across the world to be ignored and have some lady I barely know be rude to me." Mom's friend turns back and says, "You can say it to my face!" I said, calmly, "Okay, I will. I don't understand why you're being so rude to me right now, I don't even know you." She starts RIPPING INTO ME at the table in front of EVERYONE there: "THE AUDACITY, AFTER ALL YOU'VE PUT YOUR MOTHER THROUGH, FOR YOU TO EVEN BE HERE--" I interrupted, "Excuse me? You're being incredibly inappropriate to say this to me at my SISTER's REHEARSAL dinner! This is literally none of your business and you're being highly inappropriate. Ya'll can't seriously behave and be nice for ONE night?"

It was awful. I was shaking, I was nearly crying, my sister came to see what was wrong... I decided not to leave, but changed seats to the front of the table to sit with my sis and her husband and their friends. My sister texted my mom and told her that shit was not welcome and the next day at the wedding, everyone was on their best behavior. In fact, my mom even acted NICE to me and I started feeling hopeful that maybe the ice had thawed?

How fucking wrong I was. A week later, my mom made a Facebook post with photos from the wedding, mentioning EVERYONE in our family for all they did-- of course, my husband and I were not mentioned. But the cherry on top is that someone (maybe her, maybe someone else in our family) took photos from MY page and (badly) PHOTOSHOPPED ME OUT OF THEM and then she included them in her post.

It sounds silly but I was fucking pissed and super hurt. I posted the original photos in the comments, she deleted them-- so there's not way she can say she "didn't know."

After that, I deleted her and the shady cousins from my FB and blocked them all on email, IG, etc. I don't know why I thought being the bigger person would do any good. It didn't. When I was still writing my mom letters before going NC, she would always say she "just wanted to move forward." I fucking gave her that huge chance (everything was super nice and peachy keen the day of the wedding, I mean I helped her get her dress on and everything!) and she still went out of her way to try and hurt me and exclude me from the family.

I realized they don't deserve me. I am an amazing, accomplished woman and don't deserve to be treated this way. I don't think anyone does. So, I have fully cut contact now. I am still processing how it feels, but I know it is for the best-- but it does still hurt.