I went no contact with both my parents (and automatically my whole family) last Wednesday. It was something that had been in the back of my mind for months, and that I’ve actively been working towards for the past 2-3 weeks. I’ve grieved a lot the past weeks and months, and I expected this to be a thing continuously for the days/weeks after saying goodbye. But nothing compares to what I’m feeling right now. It is a gut wrenching, all consuming, disgustingly painful heartbreak, no pain compares to what I’ve been feeling the past days. Losing my parents is the biggest heartbreak of my life.

One of my friends has been incredibly supportive, and I will forever be thankful for this. But my other friends are not. The past days I thought that they simply didn’t care. No one has reached out to me. The people who did start conversations, avoided the topic like it never happened. One person even asked me if I was having a fun weekend. It hurts.

This morning I read about disenfranchised grief. I think this is what is happening to me. Google explains it like: grief that is not recognised by society, therefore, the griever does not receive strong social support and may be isolated. And I read that experiencing this type of grief leads to intense feelings of sadness, despair, and loneliness, or feeling numb. And also physical symptoms like unexplained muscle pain and changes to appetite. I’ve been experiencing all of this.

I wonder if anyone else felt like this in the early stages of estrangement. How did you cope? I feel so incredibly lonely and ignored on top of the unbearable grief I was already feeling. I don’t know what to do.