I (M61) was divorced after 35 years of marriage. Long story, not my fault or worth telling. I married again last year, and I'm struggling to make decisions about my "estate." I have two children in their 30s with my ex, and when she left she took all of our non-work investments, which is fair because much of it came from her family. I'd always planned that together we would leave our kids a decent nestegg, but now all I have is my public employee pension fund, a modest 403(b), and a work-provided life insurance policy. I trust my ex will leave her inheritance to the kids, but I want them to have something from me as well.

My new wife has two children as well, but set very little aside, so her contribution is her home (which we now use as a rental) and Social Security. We've been discussing how to manage what we have, and I suggested I'd like to give my two a portion of the 403(b) when I go, assuming I'll predecease her, and that has upset her. In her mind I should give all to her, then when she passes she would divide the estate between the four children equally. This sounds reasonable, but, of course, I would have to trust that would happen, which I do, but one never knows (after all, I thought I'd stay married to the first wife, and you see how that panned out). So, my question is, is it unfair to give, say, 1/4 of my 403(b) to each of my kids, 1/2 to her, then have the estate divided on her death? Should I provide the same for her two? I guess I feel that my kids were there making sacrifices so I could work my ass off for much of what I built, so they should get a little more. Appreciate any thoughts or experiences. Please, don't try to sell me anything.