We both made small talk in our separate, small beds well into the night. Too nervous to talk about each other and our feelings made us fill the air with words, cascades of nothing falling on a quiet dorm, except for the occasional scream or cavalcade of late night boys that seemed to roam the halls but never existed during business hours. I shifted my body, sheets rustling around me. I, not a few hours before, watched him cum on the pillow that was under my head, and I’d made eye contact as I licked it off- how fucking weird was I? I thought to myself.

His voice was deep and calming, the late night starting to make his speech less defined, less in control and relaxed- Sam’s voice made me pay attention usually- this was a fun side to hear. I asked him to tell me about his past relationships, just because I was genuinely curious, and so I could get a long monologue.. Something about his voice... I listened, hanging onto every word as my fingers disappeared in my panties. I bit my lip and started to move slightly, making sure the sheet stayed above and my hands were below my silhouette. He talked about why they didn’t work out in the past, why he has changed or what he thought of them now from seeing them on social media. Sam talked about how they fucked, what they liked. He was older and more experienced than me, and I ran a finger around my clit, giving a moment of reprieve before starting again.

Sam was sensitive and kind, some had taken advantage of that- he’d been cheated on, he had been left for other people. The facade fell. His parents had pushed him to sports and with being a sporty collegiate guy comes hot girls, but at the cost of superficial feelings and unrealistic expectations. His voice carried across the room as he described his passion for making art and that making people happy was his greatest strength and weakness. I’d accidentally discovered the gooey caramel center of this boy and I couldn’t help it.

My hips moved to the rhythm of his voice and I melted. My hand slammed over my mouth as I breathed heavy, my chest heaving as I did everything in my power to stay quiet. My legs slid open, the rustling of the sheets covering my hips making rhythmic movements with the pulses that flew down my body.

“Mmm hmm” I said, to let him know I was still listening, my body drenched and still sensitive, fingers sticky. I tried to collect my thoughts as he finished. God I loved that I got away with that. I should really figure out why I came to a guy being sensitive, I feel like I should unpack that, I thought to myself. I immediately felt a little bad about undercutting a nice moment, so I was definitely not going to tell him. I swung my legs out of bed to get a glass of water and stop my heart from racing a little bit.

“You’re going to have to tell me about your life someday too.” I froze. He looked at me through the darkness, a set of eyes that made me want to kiss him played in the light of distant cars reflecting off the street below.

“Someday” I said.

Sarah was in a red sweater that did little to flatter her cute body, which made me happy. Class was cold today, and my one-sided fight with this poor woman could continue another day and I could pay attention in the class in which she was the only T/A. I relayed my excitement to Hailey, who cheered me on with language that was very supportive, considering she had no idea what was going on. She was busy. She was cool, and had this innate, mystic ability to befriend anyone from a social circle that I didn’t even know existed. I envied her in a thousand ways but also knew her affability only came from possibly being a small, lesser known god. I also don’t think she had ever dated someone and stayed monogamous for a week, so she was busy in other ways as well.

Powerpoints lazily drifted from slide to slide, a thin, grey haired tall man directed them with a laser pointer, at moments looking like a conductor moments from his orchestra getting drafted into an unknown far away war. The few times it hovered over a word were emphasis, and nothing else. Malaise of mid-semester. Lights came on, and the class wrapped up with a final slide, asking 20 or so students to come to the front after class. I recognized some from various study groups, mine was three from the bottom. Every step I took to the front was agony. I felt like I walked like a madman, were the steps I took too big? I felt like all eyes were on me. Like every person knew my secret, knew our secret. I paused around the table with the rest, listening to a monotone explanation from the professor on how he wanted his best students, our mid-term review of how his lectures were. This meant a one on one meeting with his lovely T/A, Sarah. Great.

I got back to the room, somehow. The thought of having to look her in the eye puts me on edge and I don't remember much but the blur of putting one foot forward and being so self conscious about everyone around me. I hated that everyone could see me. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and hide. I was sweating bullets and the door of the dorm slammed closed, the empty room dark as I tore off my pants and shirt and put on an oversized hoodie, finding the cold of the bathroom floor tile helping my panic attack the slightest bit. My breath was shaking, big gasps of all the air I could fit into my lungs in one gulp, as if it was my last chance to breathe. I hated panic attacks. My brain couldn’t process, doing everything in my power to do the basics. Cool tile radiated against my sweaty skin, the deep feeling of desperation and fear as the world seemed to close around me and leave me alone to scream into a nonexistent void- my sobs broken by shivers sent up my body and loneliness creeping in.

Sam reached down and picked me up, my entire body engulfed in his forearms as he dropped me on my bed and wrapped me in a blanket, tight, and held my hand. His firm voice broke past the static at the edge of my ears and wormed into my brain.

“Breathe deep to how I squeeze your hand” he said, starting a long, 10 second rhythm, tightening his hand around mine, breathing in, and letting it go slowly, breathing out. The tight pressure of the blanket held me, put pressure on my chest, let my breaths steady and ease into a shaky normalcy. He laid down next to me, wrapping his arms around my chest. I was against him, wrapped up in him, a part of him. My head rested on his bicep, his head above mine and his chin on the top of my head. I blinked, eyes batting as I felt tears roll out of them and onto his shirt, my entire face pressed into his massive firm chest. I fell into his arms like I belonged there, like I had been there for years.

“What happened?” He asked calmly. I swung my legs off the bed and slid out of his grasp, stumbling and my vision blurry and full of tears.

“You’re what happened” I sobbed, my voice loud. “You and that.. That.. Ugh why is she so nice? She’s so sweet” I blurted, waving my arms in the air in frustration. He looked at me and sat up on my bed. “I.. I didnt.. I.. I’m not entitled to you, but I’m so fucking in love with you it hurts.” the ground looked up at me and I stared back, occasionally meeting his eye as he watched me in my dumb oversized hoodie ball my eyes out. “And now, I have to sit across from her for like 10 minutes and somehow not mention that I’ve seen her naked? I’m just so..” My voice dropped off. “I’m so convinced I don’t deserve you and that it can’t be an option- I can’t help it.”

He stood up, towering almost a foot and a half above me, inches from my body. His eyes looked into mine, impossible to read, and his face remained still until he spoke.

“If you want to kiss me, do it.” he said, Looking me right in the eyes when his other hand picked my chin up. I stared back.

“If I could reach you I would.”

My feet came from underneath me and my thighs were suddenly supported by his two massive hands. It was like I was sitting on a bench, he was so steady, face unchanging. I took a shaky breath and pulled my head back, and kissed him.

Our lips touched and every nerve ending in my body went off like fireworks. Soft, gentle, his lips were bigger than mine and I felt as they opened slightly for mine to lock into his. He took a soft breath through his nose as he kissed me back, pushing his head toward mine. I started the kiss, and he was going to finish it. I broke contact for a beat and then went in for another, every part of my body on fire. He kissed me again, harder this time. More passionate. My tongue grazed his lips, exploring as my breathing quickened, every inch of my attention turned to him, forgetting to do anything else. My back went against the dorm wall, my head pushed into his and my entire body pressed into by his. My hips moved, squirming and grinding against his torso and his hands on my legs letting me, holding me up- Jesus, they almost were able to go around my entire thigh, I thought. My hands dropped from around his neck to his back, muscles shifting and feeling oh so powerful as his kisses dropped to my neck.

“Oh my god” I whispered, the hot quick breaths hitting my neck and making my eyes roll back in my head. They got higher and higher until he was almost in my ear. I let out a little whimper as he paused for a second, just a second, two quick breaths. “Good girl.” His voice was firm and composed, and oh so hot. I was taken from the wall, and in one motion thrown onto my bed a few feet away. Tossed. I hit the mattress and rolled slightly, a pillow catching my head and my blankets getting tangled. He stood from where he tossed me, with a half smile on his face as his shirt came over his head. Every inch of his body was firm, toned, and powerful like a thoroughbred. I needed him. I had to have him. I was getting to have him. My nerves were so shaken and never broke his eye line as he dropped to his knees in front of my bed, grabbing my legs and swinging them over.

His kisses started on my ankle. A little peck, and then one slightly higher up. His mouth was warm on my skin, my bare legs cold since before I got into the dorm, although I hadn’t bothered to notice. He kissed a little higher now, and then his tongue ran up my calf, up my thigh and stopped inches from between my legs. My oversized hoodie draped over my body, completely unsexy, and my thong slid down, Sam dangling it off one of my ankles as he started kissing closer and closer to my pussy. He got so close. My legs spread every time he got close and my hips shifted, moving a little as I felt his hot breath go from the inside of one thigh to the inside of the other, giving me the smallest brush of my clit. I needed him. He kept teasing me, getting so close and as I moved my hips he’d move away.

“Sam, Please” I whimpered.

His tongue met my clit and his tongue raced around it. I let out a loud moan and put my feet on his back as he ate me out. I writhed under his tongue and felt it taste me, explore me and move with my body as I started to grind on his now wet face. His hands wandered, cupping my ass and then drifting up under my hoodie, slowly sliding a finger around my small nipples as he licked me. All of a sudden I was in the air again. I yelped and laughed as he picked me up, sitting on his shoulders with his mouth still on my clit. I braced against the wall as my legs draped over the shoulders of this massive man, 10 feet in the air, getting eaten out. I was loving this. I ran my fingers through his hair as his hands were on my ass, holding me close to his mouth.

“My turn” I said, panting. His eyes looked up at me, as I tried to form sentences in between moans. “Remember Ratatouille how Remi controlled him while he was cooking?” I said, grinning like an idiot. He nodded and did a few fast licks, making me moan and pause. I grabbed corners of his hair and guided him back to the bed. He feigned confusion, going left and right, me giggling in between moans and him teasing me with his mouth. I ended up standing on the bed and he sat back, looking up at me. I smiled and dropped on top of him, kissing, teasing his neck, working my tongue down his chest. He was so hot. He was effortlessly strong. I felt him flex under me as I kissed his torso, his abs moving slightly as I shifted down his body, my legs straddling one of his thighs, grinding a little on it as I worked my way down to his jeans. I unid a button and unzipped, took a deep breath, and pulled his pants down.

I had seen it up close a few weeks before, but this time it had to go, well, in me. It was intimidatingly big. I moved my hand from flat on his abs, down a little bit to around the base of his almost completely hard 9”. It moved as I adjusted the base, waving back and forth in front of my face and tilting back, his balls I swear the size of my entire hand stretched out. I shifted a finger or two up the base, keeping it inches from my mouth, still just taking it all in. I could get my hand around it, but fuck, barely. It was bigger around than my wrist, and as long as my forearm. A slight curve to the right and the top was met with a huge tip. I laid it back with my hand and put my wet tongue at his balls and ran it up to the tip. He was warm and the veins pulsed as he flexed, feeling me on him.

I got my tongue wet again and ran my mouth around it, teasing him a little as he did me. I stretched open my mouth and slid it over the top of his cock, and pushed it into the back of my throat. I gagged slightly, spit rushing up and spilling out of my mouth. I could get maybe a third down on him. I tried again, gagging, making a mess of him already as I pushed a little further. Fuck. It wasn’t happening. I went back to licking him, looking up into his eyes, sometimes watching his head fall back when I found a spot he liked. His hand played through my hair and grabbed it occasionally, making me smile. I moved my tongue to his balls, playing with them in my mouth, amazed how one basically filled me. He grabbed my hair, and I was pulled up and on top of him. He flipped me on my back, pulled my ass to the edge of the bed and put my legs in the air, against his chest.

He looked in my eyes and then down at my bald pussy. With his hips pressed to mine and his cock laid on my torso it stretched up to barely below my tits. I bit my lip, and looked back up at him. It felt heavy on my tummy. Like it had weight. He was so far above me, his massive body literally casting a shadow over my bed. I was in heaven. He moved back and I felt the tip move up and down across my labia, and then drop lower and start to push in. He went slow, I grabbed the sheets in my hand and bunched them into a ball, putting my head back and staring at the ceiling. He was huge. Oh my god. I rocked my hips as he worked inside of me, slowly filling and pushing into my tight pussy. The moment I thought I couldn’t take anymore- the moment I was about to put my hand on his abs to stop him, that exact second I felt the base of him press against my wet labia. He had filled me up.

“Oh my god.” I said, looking down at myself. He even looked impressed. “You fit perfectly inside me” I said, half gasping. “That was all I could take.” Sam grinned and started to slide back and forth in me, slowly. I felt him on every square inch inside me. It was like he touched every sensitive spot I didn’t know I had buried in me, and he had discovered all of them. I knew that wasn’t how it worked but somehow he unlocked it inside me. I arched my back and moaned as he slid all the way back in me, his big tip touching every spot again, sending waves of pleasure through my body. Sam sped up, bending my legs into me, folding my knees into my chest and grabbing onto the back of my neck. My hands explored his back, when he got deep my nails would dive into his back accidentally, and I’d spend the moments before the next thrust rubbing the spot with my fingers.

He flipped me on my knees, my legs scrambling to find a place in the bed on either side of him, and I buried my face in my pillow and slid my ass in the air, moving it slightly, my tiny butt placed in front of him as his huge hands stabilised my hips before sliding just the tip in. I tried to move my ass back, further onto him, but he moved back as well, my hips shaking in frustration. His hand slid up my back as I tried to lift my head, him pushing me back down and then grabbing the base of my hair. His tip was still in me as he lifted my head off the pillow by my hair.

“How bad do you want it” he said quietly. “So bad” I murmured, a spot of drool coming out of my mouth and landing on the pillow.

“Tell me.”

“Please, Sam. I want you to fuck me so bad. You fill me up like I’ve never felt before.” I moaned loudly as he slid all the way inside me, stopping when I was completely full. Gasping, I stumble over words. “Please never pull out of me, I’ll never feel the same, I want to feel this full forever” My entire body is quivering, the sensitivity in my pussy on overdrive making every part of my brain short circuit, and then my face drops to the pillow. A huge hand wraps around my hip, going from my side to my clit as he pulls out and pulls me back onto him, repeatedly. He starts fucking me so hard I start to see stars, my body confused on what is and isn’t an orgasam as he moves my body back and forth on him. I feel like I dangle from his massive torso, my face getting drilled into the pillow as muffled noise permeates the entire room.

He flips me again, and supports my ass as I wrap my arms around Sam, his cock halfway in me until he smiles and lets me lose my grip a little, my shaking body sliding down his, making every inch go back inside me. He pins me to the wall and starts fucking me, hard enough the bed shakes and my pictures move. My eyes are locked on his, the lust between us keeping every bit of us alive. He kept me against the wall, my body scrambling for footing, as he almost tossed me up and let me fall back down on him, my eyes rolling back in my head and crossing as my petite body got so effortlessly used.

“Cum in me Sam” I blurted out in between moans, “Please fill me up.” His pace quickens, and I see his face change as he slams me down on the bed. He lets out a stifled moan as he does five or six, seven, eight hard thrusts all the way inside me, making me yelp every time as I feel him twitch. He stays in me, my legs wrapped around him and he collapses beside me, rolling me halfway over and my head resting on his chest, panting, sweaty, trying to catch our breath. We wait in silence for minutes, our thoughts lost in our head, every idea in my head completely on fire and only for him. I lift my head and kiss him, making out a little as I slowly slide off him, his semi-hard cock finally resting on his thigh as I feel cum run out and down my leg, puddling beneath us. I smile and rest my head back on his chest, lost in thought.