The heat lingered; I watched as clouds pushed their way in from the horizon, darkening the ocean at its edge, and wondered if we should just end the trip early. Christmas at the beach, right? Bring in the new year together, get a dose of togetherness before we split the family apart again, yadda yadda.

But was it worth it?

I sat on the balcony, overlooking the breadth of Waikiki. Thousands of people ground through each other, the crowd shifting and swirling with color as they moved back and forth, writhing in the humidity, finding a new way to dance, to celebrate, as the end of the year approached. I loved Christmas in Honolulu, if I was being honest. We were born here, my brother and I, so we tried to bring mom back every year for a bit of a bash before going our separate ways on the mainland again--me with mom to San Francisco, my brother up to Seattle. And now his ex-husband and their kids, too, and my brother's ex-husband's boy-friend, which was just making me feel like a mobile reality television show.

It didn't feel like a family gathering, these days. Not to me.

My mom was shopping with the trio of gays, and the kids were in my hotel room, watching a movie. When they got back, the group would join the throng below, looking for the right spot to settle down with a picnic basket full of booze on the beach. It was fun.

But I just didn't feel like it, honestly. Mom was getting old; it had been a difficult flight here, and I was completely exhausted. I didn't want to wander around and flop in the sand--I didn't want a hang-over.

I didn't want to live with the inevitable comparisons between this year and previous years, swimming through my mind as I pretended to smile up at the fireworks.

I felt untouchable. Like an iceberg, moored off of Waikiki Beach. Out of place.

"You look like you're having a good time," my brother said, and I realized he must have been watching me for a while, his long frame braced against the concrete balcony wall; when I twisted further, I saw his ex, Nicky, and the new boyfriend, Leo, watching me from the doorway.

"How long have you been there, creepy?" I grinned over at him, but when his eyes flashed I knew I wasn't pulling it off and let the smile drop. "I'm fine. The kids are good. They've been hypnotized by that beautiful machine in there this whole time."

"The kids are at the pool with mom," Nicky said, and I shrugged, refusing to feel bad; they were twins, fourteen years old, and perfectly capable of walking their elderly grandmother to the elevator... But I wondered how I must have looked, if they hadn't come to tell me, and sighed.

"Okay," I said, starting to get up; instead, Leo magically appeared next to me with a glass, ice tinkling inside of it. I took it without thinking, then looked at him quizzically when I realized it didn't have any booze--some delicious frothy thing, much like him, but in drink form. He gave me one of his cutest smiles and went back over to Nicky; they made such a beautiful trio.

"So Nicky and Leo are going to stay here with you," my brother said, and gave both of them a sharp look--a strange look, if I'm honest, as if he was double-checking something; Nicky gave him a firm nod, and Leo continued to blush, which he'd started doing when he first saw me, six months ago at a family wedding. He'd never spoken to me. Just blushed.

"I don't actually need a baby-sitter," I said, genuinely laughing this time, and a bit confused. But when I started to get up, Dennis, my brother, came forward and put his hand on my arm.

"Listen," he said, and I shook him off and stood up so we were face to face. Dennis and I are also twins. We have the same dark hair, the same moderately thick build, and the same strong backbone. He met my eyes. "You're amazing. We don't know how you made it this year. How you managed to take care of mom, how you got on the place--all of that stuff. We love you."

"Okay," I said, a bit taken aback; from his tone, I'd expected some kind or argument, although I wasn't sure what it would be about. We got along famously.

"And we understand that you're... You're still hurting." I looked out over the ocean, unable to face him for a second, before I turned back. "And that you will be, for a while."

"Yeah," I acknowledged.

My boyfriend, Stephen, had died right after the trip last year. As soon as we got home, really. Car wreck, boom, that's it. We'd been together for three years. And although that was now... Wow, almost a year ago...

I hadn't really moved on.

"Well, these fine gentlemen have been wanting to talk to you about something," Dennis said, and it was strange hearing such a firm voice--almost exactly like mine, but male. I don't take directives well. I opened my mouth to protest on pure instinct. "Stop--before you even start, please just stop, and relax," Dennis said, reading me instantly. I took a deep breath and watched him. "Just... Hear them out. And listen--I know all about everything, and I think it's... I think it's kind of romantic."

"What the fuck are you--"

"Just hear them out, please," Dennis said, and I frowned, watching him nod reassuringly at Nicky, who looked nervous, and then walk out. "Going to the pool--won't be back for a few!" I heard the door slam, leaned my hip against the balcony, my hair whipping in the wind, and took a long sip of the drink Leo made me.

"Okay," I said. "What the hell is going on?"

Nicky gulped, and it made me defrost instantly and laugh. "Um," he said, and I looked down and saw Leo interlock his fingers with his.

"Guys. I love the drink," I said, and winked at Leo--partially just to watch him blush again--and put it on the railing, watching them closely. "But that doesn't seem... Romantic? Why did Dennis use that word?"

"Because we have a crush on you," Nicky said, and took a deep breath. Leo turned literally the same shade of pink as the drink he'd handed me.

"What? What do you--we?"

"I warned Leo--before the wedding, I told him," Nicky said, clearly trying very hard to communicate. I stopped laughing and listened carefully. "I said, listen, she's just like Dennis, but... But..."

"But with big tits," I said, grinning. "I've heard that before."

"Right," Nicky said, nodding, and then, to my astonishment, he glanced at them. And not in a gay way at all--in a I'm-a-nervous-man-who-wants-to-suck-those-fat-tits way. I am very familiar with the difference.

It wiped the grin right off of my face.

"Leo has always had a crush on Dennis--"

"Always? Weren't you married to Dennis?"

"Yes, and I love him very much," Nicky said, "but we're just not compatible that way. Not long-term, but listen, I don't want to talk about Dennis," he said, in his nervous way, his eyes now continually darting to my tits--"I'm so sorry, that came out wrong, I'm really anxious--"

"We've had a crush on you for a long time," Leo simply said. He was looking at my face.

"Yes," Nicky said. Nicky is gorgeous. Gay gym-bro gorgeous. When Dennis met him, he and I became instant friends; I'd never seen him this nervous, not even at their wedding. He'd always held my hand, stroked my hair... Held me close... I just thought it was normal affection, from my sibling's significant other...

"Nicky felt it instantly," Leo said in his calm, deliberate way; in spite of the blush and the general silence, he was clearly good at communicating. "Obviously, he and Dennis were trying to make monogamy work. But it didn't. So they introduced me, and then they decided they'd be happier as friends. And then I saw you six months ago..." Leo swallowed hard. His huge, dark eyes blinked at me from across the balcony. "And all I could think about was how sexy you are. How badly I want to..."

"Whoa whoa whoa," I said, putting my palms out to process everything they were telling me. "You're gay!... Right?"

"I'm pansexual," Leo said patiently. "Nicky is bi." Nicky nodded so hard his hair flopped over his forehead, making me smile and breaking the tension. We stared at each other for a minute.

"And Dennis..."

"Dennis is worried about you," Nicky said, and both of them seemed to soften, concern on their faces as they watched me.

"Well... I guess that tracks," I said, and turned to look over Waikiki again; it was getting darker, dusk arriving suddenly in the tropics. Everything looked like it had been splashed with hypercolor, the electric sky, the crowd mixing below. Both of the men came and stood on either side of me, silent for a moment as we watched the panorama below.

"I've been worried," Nicky said, and when I turned towards him, his face was so soft, his eyes boring into mine. "I like you so much." His hand drifted up to my shoulder, just like it had for years... But this time his touch felt different. When I didn't move away, he pressed closer, and then, when I turned to look behind me, Leo did too.

A man-sex sandwich, there on the balcony.

I felt my body getting hot. I didn't want to pull away--a part of me briefly felt the lull of my grief, but my loneliness over-rode it. My senses sharpened, as if my mind was trying to draw in every sensation that came over me: the gentle brush of Nicky's fingers along the length of my arm, his warm breath competing with the wind on my cheek, Leo's palms sliding around my waist, the brief touch of his cold nose on the back of my neck. Time slowed down. Nicky kissed my cheekbone, my brow, then slowly leaned in and kissed my lips as Leo kissed the knob of my spine, brushing my wild hair into the wind. They were so warm. And firm. Very firm.

"Okay," I said, breaking the kiss. Everything immediately stopped--both of them instantly stepped back, as if the tide had drawn in. It made me laugh, and I reached down to grab one of each of their hands. "Listen. This is the thing. I'm not--"

"You're dominant," Nicky said in his sudden way; this time, though, he was excited. His cheeks flushed, and when he looked into my eyes I realized they'd both known instantly what I was, and that was part of the appeal.

"Yes," I said bluntly. "I like submissive men. Period."

"Well," Leo said in his soft voice, once again right by my side, "you've got two right here."

I turned and looked up at him; he was still blushing, but he was so lovely, standing there against the streaked sky, his black ruff of hair twisting in the wind. Nicky moved closer again. The warmth of their bodies heated my skin.

So what was I going to do with them? That was the question.

"Get on your knees," I said quietly, and then took my seat back, scooting away from the edge a little bit; they'd need some room, their long bodies much too big to fit in the narrow space I'd used to prop my legs up on the ledge.

I'd use their backs, this time. The thought made me instantly wet.

The rough concrete texture of the balcony floor would hurt their knees, and I needed those knees--my mind was whirling with possibilities as I watched the two of them, lithe, strong, get down in front of me. "Very good," I said, settling back in my chair; I watched them crawling closer as I carefully unclasped the necktie of my bikini, Leo's eyes instantly dilating as he watched the fabric fall, my heavy breasts bursting out almost instantly. The two of them were practically panting, there on the hard concrete. The shadow of the ledge fell across their backs, but I could see their faces, the whites of their eyes. They looked like they were... Starving.

I opened my legs and quickly picked up my bare feet, placing the ball of each foot on either man's forehead. "There, there," I cooed, enjoying myself... Maybe this was ideal. Maybe a pair of beautiful men I knew and cared about were the perfect way to walk back from grief. "Hold on a minute." They both stayed perfectly still, the warmth of their skin seeping into my foot as the wind grew cooler around me; the sun would be setting soon, the stars beginning to peek out from behind the veil of the clouds above us. No one could quite see into our balcony, almost as if they were designed for what I had in mind.

I dropped my feet to the floor and arched my back, slowly peeling my bikini bottom over my hips, down, down, down, until it pooled around my ankles. I kicked it off, then beckoned them closer; I slowly, deliberately parted my legs, sliding down further in my plastic chair until my bare pussy hung slightly over the edge of the seat. The air was so cold against my damp skin, the arousal they'd awakened making me vulnerable to the chill. "Now, eat," I said, snapping my fingers and pointing to my pussy. They'd warm me up in no time. Both of them instantly surged forward, cute as puppies; it took them a second to figure out where to put their faces. Nicky slid along my left thigh, while Leo took my right, and as they gently pressed in, pushing my legs further apart, I angled my hips and rested one foot on either broad back. I was completely spread eagled, and shifted in my seat to make sure I didn't unexpectedly fall--"Ooooh," I moaned, feeling both of their darting tongues gently announce themselves as each man licked my pussy, eager, the intensity of it coming from the persistent pressure and sexiness rather than applied skill. We were all feeling a little frenzied. I imagined how wet their pants must be getting--the smooth linen, grey on Nicky, white on Leo, that was now sticky with precum--"Fuck!" I closed my eyes and laid my head back, unable to care about balance any more. One tongue stroked my slit, gently probing inside, while the other teased my clit, making my muscles relax and then clench all over my body. I could feel my toes curling as I drank in each sensation--the cold wind, the ultraviolet of the sky as the sun dropped behind the ocean, the heat of the men and their mouths as they devoured my pussy. They were telling the truth--this was pure, pent-up passion. I let myself go, breathing deeply as my body courted orgasm; their tongues tangled together, my thighs splitting further as each man tried to push his tongue into my hole, harder, gasping. I took a deep breath and moaned out loud into the wind, letting the sound echo around us, bouncing off of the concrete. When I started to cum, both of them were tongue fucking me, the click of their teeth as they pushed against each other to get further in audible over the whistle of the breeze, fighting to feel the seismic ripple of pleasure that made me squeeze the soft, wet meat of their tongues, over and over. I called both of their names, and that's when I knew I was done grieving. The orgasm ran over my skin, matching my goosebumps as I rode the waves; the ocean crashed against the beach below, and the hum of humanity all around us turned me on more than I can explain.

I felt incredible.

When the last wave of my orgasm finally subsided, I gently peeled them off of my pussy, pushing gently against their foreheads with my hands. "You are such good boys," I murmured, looking down at them. "Seriously--the absolute best boys in the world."

"Thank you," they both said immediately, their eyes wide, their cheeks glittering with my orgasm.

"Now. How much time do you think we have left?"