Adam is just looking at me now.

He's fully immersed in watching me and he's completely stopped touching himself.

His mouth is open in surprise and awe

I continue rubbing my little bulge gently, slowly. My fingers moving up and down, up... and down.

Up....

and down...

up...

and down...

I alternate looking down at my fingers massaging my bulge and up at Adam's face, into his eyes

with each downward motion I breath out a little more

At this point, my body starts to shake a bit

I love the sensation of shaking, I allow it to happen slowly.

I keep my pace the same as before. Up and down... up... and... down...

Up... and... down...

up... and ... down...

The shyness and shame starts to fade away slowly and I allow myself permission to deepen into the pleasure

I gently begin rocking back and forth, pressing my hips up against my fingers at the same time as my fingers press into my little bulge

I rock back and forth in this manner

over and over again

rocking

back and forth

back

and

forth

my hips moving

pressing

into my fingers

my breathing

becoming heavier

I notice now that I'm sweating

I look over at Adam and he's gently rubbing his cock again, watching me rub myself

his mouth open, hanging open wide

his face soft, innocent looking

beautiful

I continue pressing myself into my fingers

a little bit harder now

my face scrunches up

and i start to whimper

just a little bit at first

and then it builds

and i whimper more

and more

tears start forming in my eyes

I keep pressing

My legs start squeezing together now

I love the feeling of my legs squeezing my clit

I used to do that in high school, when I was bored in history class. I'd squeeze my legs together, crossed and squeezed, and then I'd tap my foot to make it look like I was just anxious with antsy energy, while I squeezed and released my pelvic muscles. Because I had a big clit, it was very pleasurable like this. Before going into class I'd always go into the bathroom to make sure the seam of my undies was placed directly over my clit just so, so that I could experience the texture.

And I'd edge myself this way through all of class, having no idea what an orgasm was. I didn't know how to have one or even that it was possible, so I was just awash in this edgy glory of pleasure all day. It was a dream like state, like being on drugs. It was innocent though, I didn't really have any idea what I was doing. I was just enjoying myself and my body.

I'm thinking of these good olden, innocent days as I continue pressing my clit into my fingers, squeezing my legs, rubbing the fabric on the outside of my pants...

whimpering...

making so many noises...

shaking...

crying...

"That's right Jennifer..." Adam suddenly says softly, warmly, quietly but confidently. "You're doing such a great job."

I'm so enamored by how well he's learned from me how to give reassurance, encouragement, love... how to show care, how to be with emotion...

I'd had no idea he was absorbing it like this.

So much warmth washes over me for this man that is such a good man. Such. A. Good. Man.

What. A. Good. Man.

I cry.

.

We sit in this warmth together, this deeply healing connection we share, tears flowing from both of our eyes, hands gently rubbing ourselves as we appreciate each other's guidance.

.

.

At this point, I know that I need to cum. I'm pretty much as edged as one can possibly be and if I don't cum soon, I'm going to start feeling pretty frustrated. But I know that I can't come from clitoral stimulation alone.

I always need something inside me to push me over the edge.

It's the only thing that can truly, truly satisfy me.

I release my hand from my clit and sit back in my chair, pondering the conundrum.

What am I going to use to push inside of me?

I think about my favorite dildo, sitting at home in my closet, miles away from my office... gosh, I wish I had that with me right now, I think.

I start looking around the room for something of a similar size.

Adam notices my wandering gaze and asks me what I need.

I look back at him sheepishly and said, "I can't come without... uh... well..."

He looks at me.

"you know... um..."

He looks down at my wetness

"something... uh... inside of me"

"something inside of you?" he asked.

"yes," I say. "something inside of me."

"I need something about... this big around..." I say, showing him with my fingers the perfect size of my perfect dildo.

He looks down at his penis.

No, I think, we couldn't possibly.

We look at each other and he knows what I'm thinking and he agrees. Wordlessly we exchange looks, sorry looks, we're almost apologizing to each other for being unable to satisfy this need in this way.

"it's ok," I say.

"I know what do do," and I walk over to my desk and open a drawer, and inside, I find a tall, slender bottle of hand creme I keep around for these dry winter months. It's the perfect size, almost the exact same size as my dildo back at home, and it has these really nice ridges to it where you're intended to grip the side of the bottle. Perfect, I think, those ridges are going to feel perfect.

But as I grasp the bottle in my hand and walk back to the couch, I look at Adam sheepishly, guiltly, and think... am I really this desperate for a nut that I'm going to do this?

For a moment I see myself from the outside. A counselor, in a session with her client, who is about to thrust a bottle of hand creme up her pussy?

Should I really be doing this????

We look at each other, the bottle in my hand, and I slowly sit back down on the chair and contemplate how on earth I could have arrived to this moment, to this decision.

But then I notice Adam rubbing his dick again, still from the outside of his pants. He rubs it slowly, gently.

up and down

up

and

down

My hole lets out another wave of wetness and I whimper

fuck it, who cares

I'm doing this

I set the hand creme on the side of the chair, stand up, and slowly remove my pants.

The fabric peels off of my soaked pussy slowly, leaving a long, thick trail of cum behind connecting me with the panties

as I continue pulling them off, the trail of cum sways and sticks to the sides of my legs

and runs down the sides, finally, hitting the floor

the pants are in my hands and i'm looking at adam, stroking his cock, as i toss them onto the floor

we look into each others eyes

seeing him, seeing his eyes like that, warm, healing... i know I'm making the right decision

warmth washes over me and i relax

now, i'm shaking

i return to my chair and pick up the bottle of lotion in my hand

and look back over at him

i hold the bottle with my right hand underneath me and i slowly, gently hover over the chair and lower myself down onto it

it hurts at first. the plastic is not as soft as my dildo back home

but then, as it finally makes it past the opening, and sinks deeper into my hole, it feels sooooooo gooooooooooooooooooddddddddd

My mouth falls open

i can't believe how good this feels

this bottle of hand creme

Adam

it's all so crazy

it's all so amazing

I feel like I'm in a completely different world, an alternate reality, like someone else's wild and crazy dream

i start moaning

i give myself permission to sink deeper into it

deeper into the bottle of hand creme in my hand

i slide it all the way in till my pussy takes it all and my fingers hit the base of my outer lips and i shudder

i speed up my thrusting

im rubbing the textured side of the bottle up and down the insides of the front of my pussy and it feels so good

i'm really moaning now

(stay tuned for part 5!)