I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe this is my life. I’ve had so many wonderful experiences and so much confusion but now. Now I know what I really want. I’m standing here waiting for my love, the one I knew from day one was my soul mate and I’m finally no longer unsure about what I want. In the distance I see her making her way. She hasn’t seen me yet but she’s looking around for me. Or at least for someone or something. My Annie. My best friend. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. We’ve been married over a decade now and she looks as beautiful at the day I met her. A day, he’ll a week, I’ll never forget.

For back story I grew up in a small town in the heart of the Bible Belt. You know that girl who sits in the back of the class or in the corner at a party? She’s friends with someone but no one’s really sure who. She’s easily disappears into a crowd. She’s not ugly but doesn’t really get hit on until the end of the night when every other option has left with someone else? That’s me. Hi I’m Chloe. My childhood isn’t where this starts but it is important. You see I wasn’t the popular girl and wasn’t the most unpopular either. I was always somewhere in the middle and I liked that. Mostly because growing up in such a conservative place and being confused about my sexuality it was hard. I saw girls get ostracized for being too slutty and for being too prudish and of course any girl who admitted to being attracted to girls was immediately banished from society. Not literally but socially.

So when I got accepted to a university in the bayou I jumped on the chance. Surely a city like that I could explore what I was thinking/feeling without fear of repercussions. It was crazy when I think about it. Before my freshman year I’d only had like two romantic experiences both with boys from church. We’d make out behind the church on Sunday afternoons while waiting for rides but at school and throughout the week they would barely acknowledge me. In my freshman year of college I met a girl and we decided to experiment and ended up drunkenly fingering each other in her dorm room but the next day acted like nothing happened. Same shit different day.

But I did have this great core group of friends. I had my roommate and her best friend Clay, who if I’m honest I had a crush on, his best friend Adam,who was also my roommates friend with benefits, and the people we would hang out with. So in sophomore year my roommate and I decided to get an apartment together just off the French quarter and life got really fun. I’d gotten into photography, and especially niche style that really only sold to tourists, mostly frat boys, in the French quarter, artistic non sexual nudes. It started as self shots. I would paint my body and take the photographs. At first I got a thrill knowing people who wouldn’t give me the time of day wanted to buy photos of my body. We also had them hanging all over the apartment and so when people came over I would get to hear compliments about my body from people who had no clue that mousy girl in the kitchen reading was the model

The problem is that I’m very petite and though not small in the chest department not the biggest either. I’m a very comfortable small C cup, which I’m very okay with but guys like the D cups or at least a fuller C cup. So after a bit of begging I was able to convince my roommate to pose for a few which also got Adam’s attention. He volunteered to pose for some if I wanted. My roommate had told me he was pretty well endowed and so when he offered I immediately got some great ideas.

We did a few great shoots and the photos sold pretty well, and yes he was quite large, much larger than I’d expected. Maybe it’s because it was the first I’d seen in real life or because of how attractive Adam was, or perhaps because it was so big, I will admit to a slight level of arousal, despite my attempts to be very clinical. Unfortunately, I had an idea that turned out to be a big mistake. See, what I was doing were a series of shots where his dick blended into a scene almost. Like I’d build a mountain mold and hang him over almost like a waterfall. This helped get them sold at stores because it wasn’t an obvious penis. Well the idea I had was to use it as a tree trunk in a jungle scene which meant it needs to be erect. Adam of course was okay with this idea. My roommate, who didn’t really like me seeing him naked at all took some convincing but was eventually on board.

So the day of the shoot comes and we have an issue. Despite a descent amount of effort on his part, which, I won’t deny, despite being a bit weirded out that he was just doing it right then and there, I kind of enjoyed watching it. “Dude, seriously? I told you to like bring porn or something” I scolded “I know” he said, “I just I felt weird, I came from work and I didn’t want all that in my locker” I sigh “well can’t you like look something up on your phone?” He shook his head “it’s my company phone. Not allowed to look that stuff up” now Adam was a singer in a pretty successful band at least locally, but that didn’t pay the bills. So to make ends meet he also worked as a bike messenger so yeah that all made sense.

“Maybe it’s stage fright. I can go in the other room, let you get” trying not to gag “comfortable. And you just call me when you’re ready. Just do it…” I sighed at this idea “do it on my bed. I don’t want you to mess up the model” I left the room and went to get a drink of water and wash my hands. For some reason I felt I needed to wash my hands.

“Chloe” I hear from the other room thinking wow that was fast. I walk in and find him laying completely nude on my bed and still not fully erect! “What the fuck dude? Why did you call me if it’s not there?” He looked at me a little embarrassed, or at least faking it well. “This doesn’t happen. I even tried using some of the photos you’ve got hanging around but they’re all artsy and mostly black and white so it didn’t work” he replied. “Yeah. That’s the point” I started “it’s art not pornography”

He sits up a bit “yeah I know. I’m a visual guy. I need like realistic and full color” I think for a minute “well I’ve got the photos from my last session with my roommate on my laptop.” I offer but he actually makes a reasonable point “I don’t think she would want you to do that”. He’s right so I move towards the model to start breaking it down because there wouldn’t be time for him to go home and back since I have to work in a few hours and my laptop is from school so I’m in the same no chance for porn boat as him. “Okay we can just reschedule I guess” I say dejected. I really wanted this done. “I mean” he began with a tone I never heard him use “you could always” “I could always what?” I retorted. “Well I mean you’ve got descent looking tits. Maybe” he motions for me to remove my top. “No way” I said firmly but I was a bit flattered he asked. “Why not?” He asks pointing to the black and white photo on my wall where I have my breasts pressed against a piece of plexiglass accentuating my large areolas, “it’s not like I haven’t seen them”

I sigh “that’s not exactly the same thing” I reply. “I know but I mean you’ve already spent all this time. We don’t want to waste it. Look it’s not like I’m trying to fuck. Just. You know. I wanna do this for you” We went back and forth but damn this man is very persuasive so about fifteen minutes later I’m standing there topless and cold while he stares at my chest jerking off. And it worked. Kind of. “Come here” he pants really going at it. “Maybe if I play with one it will help” timidly I make my way there. I think the idea that he, this perfect looking man, is doing this turned me on enough that I didn’t really have will power. “But that’s a bit too far” he didn’t reply. As soon as I was close enough he had my left breast fully cupped and was massaging it. The noises he was making were so erotic. I was very aroused myself. He on the other hand only a little. I was trying not to watch. That’s why I didn’t notice what was happening.

He stopped stroking it and reached over. In a quick motion he took my wrist and put my hand on his dick. I quickly pulled away “what the actual fuck??” I exclaimed. “I’m almost there. Come on. Please?” He begged. I shook my head. “She would kill me”. “She won’t know. I’m not asking you to get me off. Just close so we can get the shot.” My horny brain wasn’t able to use enough logic because next thing I know I have both hands on his manhood stroking it best I could, I’d never done this before, while he played with my boobs. He was so hard but kept telling me it wasn’t there. After what felt like forever he exclaimed. “Stop stop. I’m close!” I let go and we quickly got the shot and it was perfect. We got dressed after and sat on the couch not really talking until my roommate came home. Then they went in her room and I got to listen to them have sex.

This became the way we did these shoots. I would jerk him to the point of near orgasm, basically edging him if we had multiple shots to get. Then when she came home I’d have to listen to him fuck her. I felt, not jealous, not really, I didn’t want to lose my virginity to him, but I guess dirty is the best word for it. Gross that I was doing that. Then one day it happened. I guess I knew we were playing with fire getting him so close. It was the third shot of the session and he didn’t warn me in time, probably on purpose, and suddenly he groaned loudly as he shot his load out onto his chest and all over my hands. I jumped back a bit disgusted and he just laid back on the bed panting and groaning happily “fuck. I’m sorry. That was just too good” he panted out. I looked at my dirty hands then up at his dick and the thick white goo rolling down his length. It reminded me of a volcano which gave me a very very bad idea.

For the next few weeks I felt so gross and disgusting for what happened. For days I never felt my hands were clean enough and I couldn’t even look my roommate in the eyes but the thought filled my brain. I needed to take this shot no matter what I felt like afterwards. Adam didn’t take much convincing so a few days later I’m lying topless on my bed with my breast painted like a mountain and Adam is naked straddling me and I’m jerking him off. “Now remember, I panted, you have to finish yourself and it has to be on my nipple. I want it rolling down the side of my breast. The look of joy on his face. My vagina was on fire and drooling inside my pants. But he was taking forever. “Come on dude. I’m starting to sweat it’s gonna ruin the paint” I said frustrated. “I’m trying I promise. It’s not like I can control it.”

After a few minutes I was close to giving up and he said what I never thought he would. “What if. “ the pause was insane. I thought I knew what he was gonna say but I was not fully prepared for the next part. “What if you used your mouth?” I stopped and just looked at him “I’m not sucking your dick dude no. Forget it” I started to push him away but he said “hear me out” and god damn he’s very persuasive or more likely I was just super turned on and desperate. And just like that I was giving my very first blow job. It wasn’t an awful experience for me, though I can’t imagine it was good at all for him. In fact, at one point he just grabbed my hair and started tugging until he was basically jerking off with my mouth.

This was definitely not the experience I had been expecting for so long, and most definitely not the person I’d expected to be doing it with. The truth is I’d already decided I wanted Clay to be my first everything, that’s probably why I had my eyes closed and was imagining it was him. I’m not sure if it was the fact that I had tears rolling down my cheek or the fact that his precut hit the back of my tongue causing me to gag, a taste I’ll never ever forget, I still can taste it in my mouth when I do anything shameful, but for whatever reason Adam did stop and a few seconds later finished exactly where I wanted.

The picture came out stunning it was perfect. Flawless even. It was just what I imagined in my head, but, I didn’t even print it for several months. Not until I confessed the whole ordeal to my roommate. She wasn’t mad at me really. She put all the blame on Adam and ended their sexual activities. It was during that moment we both realized he was a total predator and was using us both. However, he was so manipulative that we couldn’t seem to take him out of our lives. A decision I would regret a few years later. But he was the last male I would photograph for a very long time.

When I did finally print the photo it turned out really great. Not only did it sell well but it got the attention of the owner of one of the strip clubs and he offered me work. It paid enough to make it worth quitting my job but more importantly he gave me permission to use any dancers who were willing for my photos, so long as I didn’t show their faces. This meant a group of very willing models who happened to have the body types the frat boys wanted. There was an unforeseen side effect however, more of an awakening. You see because of this I spent a lot of time in the club, not just working, but getting to know the girls. The more I talked to them, photographed them, and watched them dance the more curious I became about my own sexuality.

There was one in particular who caught on to my looks and thoughts and made me an offer. She needed some promo shots to use on an upcoming tour but the owner made them pay for those themselves. I’ll never forget the moment she made the proposal. “Hey kid come here” she said from her little stool in front of the mirror. I was in the dressing room doing shots of the girls getting ready for the clubs website. I walked over and she patted the stool beside her asking me to sit. I took the opportunity to snap a quick shot of her then took my seat.

“How long have you thought about it?” She asked. “What do you mean?” I replied. She giggled “what pussy tastes like?” I swallowed dry air. I couldn’t believe she asked that. Did she read my mind? Just moments earlier I was thinking how the room smelled like perfume and vaginas kind of like the locker room at school and was flashing back to the girl I had such a crush on. “Relax kid we’ve all wondered. Hell you can smell it in the air.” She smiled at me then went back to her make up.

“Are you worried of what people will think or just scared?” After a little pause while I got the courage up I eked out “both kinda” she miles and spin facing me putting her hands on my knees. It was hard to look at her because she was fully nude at the time. “Okay kid for one. Fuck what people say. It’s mind over matter. If they mind they don’t matter and if they matter they won’t mind. As for the other” she tarted running her hand up my thigh. “I could help” I looked at her. Mostly because she took my chin and turned my face to her. “We could work something out maybe?” And that’s when she told me the plan. “What? I I I “ I didn’t get it out before she continued “it’s a perfect plan. I’m not into girls so no chance of it getting weird” I looked at her confused seeing my face she continued “Buut I’ve done a few movies and that’s what sells so I’ve done it way more than a few times and it feels good” “but I’ve never…” I began but she interrupted “that’s what I figured so here’s how it would work. First I would do it to you you know show you what you want. Teach you kinda. Then after you” she rolled her eyes back to signify an orgasm. “Then you do it to me and I can like guide you through it. Then after when we’re both fully relaxed we do the photoshoot” I say stunned but I’m pretty sure she knew she had me. “W w w when would you wanna?” “I mean you have your camera now. I get off at 3.” They called her name to go on stage in five so the put her bikini on and said “just think about it and let me know”

It was all I could think about for the rest of that shift. A few hours later I was laying in her bed. I remember her sheets were so soft. My jeans were in a bunch in the floor. My shirt was open and my bra was up by my neck. My legs were being held up above me. I couldn’t help but focus on my panties hanging off of my foot just dangling there. She told me to pay attention to what it felt like and to be honest it’s all I was paying attention to. Not so much what she was doing but what it was doing to me.

At first she was a little put off by the thick dark hair but it’s not like I’d expected this. Still had me feeling some type of way. However, the second I felt her soft tongue gliding across the most sensitive parts of my virgin area I buckled and moaned. It was so intense so dirty so wrong. If my parents knew I had a stripper eating me out they would disown me. I found my hand gripping her hair when she finally started sucking and licking my throbbing clit. I never knew anything could feel like this. It sent waves throughout my whole body. I felt like my brain was on fire. Now I’d been fingered before but not like this. Not by a girl. Not so tenderly and definitely not with her lips slurping as she drained my clit if all lubrication and spit. What happened next I’d known about, I’d been curious about, hell I’d even fantasized about, but was never even able to give myself. As the orgasm started it was a small wave coursing but unlike the others it didn’t stop. It grew and grew and grew. By the time I reached the climax I was practically sitting up. Every muscle in my body tensed up and I let out a low guttural scream then collapsed back into the bed wiggling writhing and twitching as I whimpered and screamed. Uncontrollably I reached up and tugged on my tender swollen and screaming nipples. It felt like fire but in such a good way. Finally I fell flat panting as my would began to enter my body.

Before I knew what was happening I felt her warm wet cheeks against mine. Her skin smelled like pussy and I could taste similar on her tongue. I realize do was tasting my own wetness I pulled back and whispered “is that what I taste like?” She just smiled and nodded biting her lip “you’re delicious girl” she said then kissed me again.

She laid beside me kissing my cheek and neck tracing her fingers all over my body “you okay?” She asked I nodded. She reached up and wiped some of the wetness from my cheek and ate it. I looked over “can I have a taste?” I asked softly she smiled “sure but let’s get it from the source” I couldn’t help but groan and arch my back as she pushed her two middle fingers deep inside opening me up. She moved them around a bit then pulled them out and put them to my mouth. I opened it and she slipped them in for me to suck clean. “I do taste good” I said softly after. She again nodded and said delicious.

After a moment she went up on her elbow and asked “think you’re ready to try it is it a bit too much?” I nodded. “I think I want to” I said but I can’t imagine I’d ever wanted anything more. I’m not sure why but I wanted to make her feel as good as I felt. I slipped my panties down to the floor and took my shirt and bra off as she rolled onto her back. I kissed my way down her body until I was between her legs. I reached up and spread her open and saw it. I’ve seen vaginas many times but never really looked t them. Mostly saw through my lens. I’d definitely never seen one so aroused. I was a bit frozen. I felt her brush at my hair “it’s okay if you can’t” she said sweetly but I wanted it more. I was first shocked by the amount of heat that radiated and it was a humid heat. She definitely smelled amazing. I stuck my tongue out and got my first taste then looked at her. She tasted different. Sweeter. Than me. “Pineapples” she said with a smile then pulled my head in.

I can’t imagine I was very good at in fact I know I wasn’t. I was so awkward. I wanted so bad to remember what all she’d said and what id felt but my head was completely empty she just giggled said it was okay and started guiding me until I was good enough that she could just lay back and enjoy. The more she enjoyed the more eagerly I went at it. Now knowing she’s an adult star I can’t confirm she didn’t fake her orgasm but if she did she’s a great actress. Afterwards we took a shower and she taught me how to finger also. Now I’m not sure what I expected it to be like after this was done but after the shower we didn’t shoot as if nothing had just happened. In fact she never acted like anything happened and we never spoke about it or did anything again. In fact she was the only girl I did anything with until I met HER about a year later.

Shortly after my stripper situation my boss sold the club and the new owner didn’t want me there so I found myself out of money just after I paid all my bills and upgraded my camera so I went crawling back to my old job at the novelty store. I even had to take a job as a server at a brunch place. That’s where I first met her. I almost didn’t notice her when she walked in. She was the last to join a group of really attractive women. A church group based on their conversations and of course the Bible’s in their table. I will admit that I absolutely despise tourists, especially the church groups that come to the bayou intent on praying away the sin. As if this town wasn’t built by the church. We live in the epitome of religious trauma. But this group was different. I won’t lie it was fully because they were so hot. Especially the loudest and most obnoxious one. I couldn’t help, while pouring their drinks, imagining being between her legs. That’s when she walked in.

I was immediately captivated by her. It wasn’t her looks. I mean she’s beautiful to me. Especially now but if I were to, back then, have rated on a 1-10 scale she would probably have been a 6.5 maybe a 7. She came in wearing this thin sun dress and because of the bayou heat and humidity and the sweat it was clinging to her and I could tell there was nothing underneath. between her confidence in her walk and her body I couldn’t look away. The funny part is he friend had a better body but I was obsessed with hers. It wasn’t even sexual or romantic either, not yet. I wanted to photograph her so badly. Throughout breakfast I could swear she was flirting with me too which definitely excited me but I just assumed I was crazy. After they left she came back and gave me a huge tip. I was stunned.

Almost as stunned as I was later that night when I heard a voice saying “hey beautiful” I looked up and there she was again in this shirt tight dress that left very little to the imagination. I wondered how she could be part of that church group when she was dressed like the embodiment of sin. This was the first time I thought of her sexually and boy did I. “Hi I’m Annie” she said holding out her hand I took it in mine”Chloe” I somehow got out through the dry mouth. Her skin was perfect and her hand was so soft. I was definitely smitten. That’s about the time I noticed it. She was drunk. The only thing I hated more than a tourist was a drunk tourist and frankly with as many times as I’d been used I wasn’t putting myself in that situation. That’s why for the past year I’ve spent most of my nights hanging out at local bars watching Clay and Adam performing. Mostly Clay. I was his unofficial photographer.

Then she said that’s where she was going to watch the cute guy she met today play. Please be adamant please be adamant I said to myself as I asked his name. When she said Clay my heart sank. My Clay. My one true love who didn’t know I was alive and her. I could never compete with her for his attention. Once again I got to sit back and see my dreams dashed. I admit I maybe was a bit to cold to her. It’s not her fault. I did try to make it up by somewhat warning her about Adam since he was going to be there. Is it bad I secretly hoped he gets to her first? Yeah I know it was. I would’ve hated seeing Clay hurt like that.

When I got to the bar I was immediately crushed. In the corner where Clay and I usually sit I see him with her. He’s all over her. “What’s wrong Cher?” Adam’s voice still makes my skin crawl. He looks over at the hidden scene. “Naw Cher that’s not right. She’s way out of his league” then he made his way there. I knew what he was going to do. I should’ve stopped it instead I went to the upstairs bar and ordered a drink. I wanted to watch Clay perform. He’s such a great saxophone player and honestly, after learning what getting head felt like, and because Clay showed me how much playing saxophone involved the tongue, I couldn’t help but wonder how good he would be.

A few songs in, I was totally loving the show, for some unknown reason I looked over to the corner. From my vantage point on the balcony I could see the entire lower level and I see Adam and Annie. He’s awfully close. She looks extremely drunk. Like doesn’t know where she is drunk. Why did she move like that? Where is his hand? Omg I have to stop him I thought then bolted to the stairs. By the time I got down there they were gone. I checked outside I checked near the stage, being careful to not be seen by clay, I went back to their seats. Their drinks are still there. Her phone is still there. Then I hear something that makes my skin crawl. I hear Adam’s voice behind the door to the employee restroom. I know the sound. It’s the one he used to make when I would…. She’s sucking his dick while Clay, who she was here to see is not 100 ft away. I back up so confused and disgusted. How could he be such a creep she’s obviously too drunk to know what she’s doing. I debated for way too long whether to open the door or not, whether to save her or not. then I heard the sound he makes when he cums and my ptsd got triggered and I ran away.

I didn’t sleep much at all that night. I felt so bad for Clay. I know him well enough to know he was really into Annie. And honestly this isn’t the first time Adam stole a girl from him. When I met him Clay was totally in love with my roommate. Luckily she’s the type to talk about her feelings for as long as it takes so he knew he had to move on. I also felt bad for Annie. I just hoped Adam didn’t break her heart.

That’s where my head was the next morning at work when her friends came back and sat in my section again. My stomach was in knots wondering if she would show and if she did what mood she would be in. That’s when she walked in. She was in such a great mood. As a photographer I take pride in my ability to read people very well and she looked like a totally different person. A very hungover person but one who seemed more enlightened. Maybe she realized something about herself after being used by Adam like I did. Had I just checked my texts and seen how Clay was so excited about the girl he spent the whole day with yesterday I would’ve known.

Out of kindness I made her my grandmas old fashioned hangover cure. Coffe with some liquor, hot sauce, and a bayou secret ingredient. The smiles and looks she was giving me. I was so confused. Was she flirting? Then she called me something in creole, or at least local creole. I don’t know the exact translation, if it even has one, I t’s a term of affection used between lovers, typically from a husband to a wife. Obviously it was just her not fully understanding cultural dialects of another language. She couldn’t have meant that. So why was my heart pounding so hard? Why did I want to give the feminine reply so badly? Needless to say I was a mess trying to figure it out.

After their meal she came back, supposedly to give me a bigger tip. “Hey,”I asked, “that word you used. Do you know what it means?” Her smile said it all. The way she was looking at me said it all. I’ve seen people looking at others that way. Never at me but at others. Even before she answered in the affirmative I knew she wanted me. I’m not sure what all we talked about in that brief time I was just focused on her lips her breasts her neck her everything. The way she was looking at me and stepping to me I knew she wanted to kiss me. Do it oh god do it my heart was screaming. Wait did she just ask me out? “I can’t. I work tonight” I said for some reason very assuredly as if to dismiss any idea. She seemed so disappointed. “What about when you get off?” She came back with.

She really wanted this date. I really wanted this date but fuck we agreed to let Adam host his record release party tonight. She could be my date. But no if Adam tries anything or if she’s struggling with what happened. I can’t do that to her. “A friend is having a party at my place tonight.” Again the disappointed face. Quick say something “I’m off from the store tomorrow” there it is that smile. As we finalized plans for the next day I couldn’t help but think how I was just like Adam. I took tomorrow off to shoot Clays headshots. Fuck I’m ditching the guy I like for a date with the girl he likes.

That day I was on cloud nine. I don’t know when my feelings changed from wanting to photograph Annie to wanting to kiss her. Probably in the moment I learned I had a chance. But it’s exactly what I was feeling. I had such a hard time at lunch with Clay he was telling me all about her and I wanted to tell him to let it go but I couldn’t. “What the fuck?” He said in the middle of my sentence where I was trying to explain a reason I couldn’t do his headshots tomorrow. He was staring blankly at his phone. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “She blocked me” he replied. I went on a whole rant about it was just some tourist who just wanted company for the day and he was better off. I didn’t know they’d had sex just moments before I saw her this morning and never let on that I knew her too.

The whole day was kind of wild. I couldn’t get her off my mind. At one point at work I swore I saw her across the street out of the corner of my mind but then she was gone when I got out there. I couldn’t get off work fast enough. Even though I knew there would be so many people in my apartment I wanted to get home and pick out an outfit for my date. Unfortunately, once I got home my day became total hell.

When I first walked in I noticed a large group of people at my bedroom door. At first I didn’t understand why but then I heard the moans and the cries for more and “fuck me harder”. I was so pissed. Who was fucking on my bed? I wasn’t shocked to see Adam butt naked smiling at the gathered crowd. What shocked me was when I followed his hand down to Annie’s throat. That tight red dress binged up at her waist. She seemed totally unaware of the crowd gathered as he slammed into her over and over. I couldn’t stop watching. The pain in my heart grew with each of his thrusts that were greeted by her loud orgasmic moans. I couldn’t stop it if I wanted to. I got pushed back into the crowd. I knew he finished when I heard the cheering. Seconds later I saw through the crowds her running out tears streaming as she fixed her dress.

I spent that night sitting on my bed just staring at the panties hanging from the lens of my camera. At my work table with cups everywhere all over my photos. I felt so stupid that I allowed this to happen again. To let someone play with my heart.

The next day at work I gave away the table I knew she would be at to another server. Hell I went out of my way to avoid her at all costs. When I got off I ran home and just sat there. Her used, discarded panties still staring at me. I decided to still meet her as promised. When I did she hugged me and god it felt so nice.

We went to her hotel room and talked for hours and hours about everything. Maybe it was real, maybe it was her, maybe it was the lack of sleep, but I heard the words as they fell from my mouth “I think I’m in love with you” and what came next sealed the deal “I love you too” in that moment I went from never wanting to see her again to burying my face into her crotch and so much more. We spent the last few days of her trip together, she even took my virginity with a dildo. A little more than a year later we got married.

We had a great life together for the most part. That’s why everything hurts so much right now. As comes to me in the airport we embrace and kiss like we haven’t in years. I don’t know what got into her. Until I taste it, on her tongue, beneath the vodka. Like I said, I will never forget that taste. I wonder if it was on the plane or before. I’ve suspected for so long that she’s cheating now I know. It helps with my guilt.

You see a few months ago, out of nowhere, I get a message from a blast from the past. Clay, he told me about his wife leaving him and taking the kids how he hasn’t been happy for so long. God it was like he was telling my story. We talked secretly for a long time almost all day every day. I thought about him all the time. Dreamt about him. Even fantasized about him when Annie and I made love. So when Annie went home a few weeks ago for a family emergency I went back to the bayou to see him again. I hadn’t been back since I left to be with her.

“It should have been you Chloe” he repeated in his deep breathy way as he kissed my neck massaging my now bare breasts. I had his manhood in my hand laying in a bed in the same hotel Annie took my virginity years earlier. It was almost poetic. Now I was by no definition a virgin at that point sans one. I’d never had a man inside of me. Never had one on top of me pressing his weight into me and bringing my womanhood such pleasure. Every fantasy I’d had as a girl about what his tongue could do was confirmed multiple times that first night. And when I felt his warm thick sperm fill my insides I knew this is what I’ve always wanted. What I was always missing. And the way he loved me just for me. I’ve never had that from anyone.

Yes Annie loves me but if I didn’t love her first or give her attention she wouldn’t. That’s her curse. She can only feel for others when they want her. Not Clay. Like me he thought about us this whole time. We made love so many times that when my plane landed back home a few hours ago I knew so deeply that my life was changed forever. Did you know you can buy pregnancy tests at an airport? I didn’t. Not until today.

As Annie kisses me. The taste of some random man’s precut on her tongue my hand rests on my stomach over Clays next child. Even if I weren’t pregnant. Even if I didn’t know Annie had been with another man. My bags are going to be packed as soon as I get home. What I don’t know in this moment. What I won’t know for a few weeks is that she is also carrying a child. From a man she doesn’t know. A child conceived in an airplane bathroom. An act which has her banned from that airline for life. But that won’t matter to me. Clay and I will raise our daughter to be a happy beautiful woman who won’t let anyone play with her heart the way so many played with mine.