The window was small enough that it represented a postcard. And the sky was blue with a singular cloud, picture perfect. ''I wish you were here'' would be its title and I would mail it to my future lover. But I am yet to meet him. I long for someone who won't turn my endless summer into winter. Speaking of summer, I am heading to a perfect place to escape heartbreak. A beach house, so remote, you hope you packed enough food! Because the nearest town is miles away. No cell reception, no Tinder no ex-boyfriend blowing up my phone.

The drive took me through a small town with two competing stores and a bar. After that, it was scenic views of the horizon. I felt tears forming in my eyes, if only I could escape myself as well. This heartache was like never-ending torture. All the happy moments we had now tainted from rose-colored to dark blue. If only I could forget him, forget us. Burry us in a graveyard that's never looked after until nature takes its course and our tombstone disappears into the ground under the grass and old leaves.

I arrive just a short walk away from a small cottage on the white dunes. Behind them, I can hear the sea. Peace washes over me. It is exactly what I needed. On my way, I notice the lighthouse. In the booking it mentions that the person renting out the property lives in the lighthouse, they work odd hours, so if I wish for anything at all, I shouldn't worry about the time of day and just give them a knock. I won't need to meet them otherwise. Instructions left on the property are meticulous. I only enter the property to drop off my bags, glance at the instructions and the fresh bread and jam as welcoming present left out by the owner. And head to the beachfront.

It's noon, the sun is getting lower, but still plenty hot, a light breeze, and I just collapse on the ground. I let it flow through me, the wind, the pain, I am ready to let go. I lay down fully, not worried about my long, dark brown locks getting a handful of sand. I just want to take it in. The sky is beautifully blue with only a few fluffy clouds idly passing by. God, I can't remember when was the last time I looked up like this. Must have been since I was a child. It's nice. I should remember to do this often. I sit up and look far into the horizon. It is so calm, not a person or a boat in sight.

Back in the cottage, I read the instructions for the oven, gas, where to find extra pillows, etc. In the corner of my eye through the window, I notice a silhouette on the beach belonging to a man. Intrigued as it can only be my neighbor in the lighthouse I get closer to observe. And immediately my jaw fell to the ground. He is getting naked, the sun is just setting, and looks like he is getting ready for a swim. I burst out laughing out of shock and sheer surprise. He hasn't noticed me and I am mesmerized by his behind. And for the first time in a long while, I start to forget my ex and start to wonder if his face is as nice as his ass.

I have about an hour to get myself ready, been neglected all the womanly duties, like, shaving my legs. Snap, here i have to burn wood in the oven to get warm water, I guess I could see if I packed vax strips? Did I?? I do a quick armpit check, yeah I desperately need a shower. I was not ready to run into a hot stranger, here from all places. I scramble for instructions for the wood burning oven and once I get the fire going I put a kettle on for some camomile tea and sit down in front of the fire watching the fire. A calm washes over me. Being here alone, well, alone on paper seems like what I need. The restless nights with pain deep in my chest where he tore out my heart seem distant somehow. Like this is my long awaited Peacehaven. The naked man seems so irrelevant now. My trans is broken by the kettle whistling, indicating that my tea is ready. I pour myself a cup and decide that for tonight I might go for a midnight swim, but maybe alone instead. And take a nice relaxing bath, but for now, I am contempt to watch this naked man's form, when he decides to come out of the water while I sip my tea and try to calm my ever jumping heart.