Parts 22-25

______________

That was all the push I needed. At that moment, I made the decision that I was going to go for it, and whatever was going to happen, let it happen. I mean, I wanted to… what did I have to lose? Besides, if I was unhappy or unwilling to do something, I could always walk away.

Now the only question was how I was going to let Gabriel know I was in. A text message? A call? No, no, no, no, no… he would want this in person, and I would want a kiss to go with this new development, maybe even some of that fingernail thing he did last night.

Ah, fuck… I got myself started again. I literally skipped all the way to my room excited for what was about to COME. My mom must’ve thought I was crazy.

The following day, things were going back to normal—school, work, and home. I was still set on going for it with Gabriel, but I hadn’t told him yet. In reality, I wanted to take a little time to make sure that’s indeed what I wanted. I mean, I wasn’t going to be able to see him for a few days, so I figured I could use that time to let everything settle in my mind. Besides, I kind of wanted to make the perfect plan to tell him, you know… try to shock him and get myself a little victory. I can be competitive that way at times.

Gabriel still sent me a daily morning text, wishing me a good day, checking in on me, and letting me know he was there for me. I would respond with something like, “Thank you! You too!

Did he not think about me as much as I thought about him?
Was he getting tired of waiting?
What if the make-out session turned him off? Was I not good enough?

The fact that our interactions in person didn’t translate over to text kind of bothered me. I felt like something was lacking—I wanted him to flirt with me through text too!

On the other hand, when I was with him, I wasn’t on my phone at all, and during that time, I didn’t miss it. In fact, when I finally got back to spending normal time on my phone, I noticed I had a lot of DMs, emails, and texts that I hadn’t responded to. That was very unusual for me. Some of the guys I talked to regularly were concerned and kept sending messages asking if I was OK. I guess that was to be expected. I mean, I used to talk with them every day for hours on end, exchanging pictures, stories, fantasies… the connection felt real, at least it did then.

I felt bad, but at the same time, I was OK with it. I decided to reply to those messages, letting them know I was OK and not to feel alarmed if I didn’t reply right away because I was working out some things. Of course, that was like an invitation for them to start prying and trying to find out what was going on, but I wasn’t ready to talk about any of this with them.

Except for one—this girl I had met on Flickr and had been talking with for years. I responded to her message and let her know that I was OK, that I had met a guy, and we were trying to figure things out. She was disappointed because, over time, she had started having romantic feelings for me.

I think that all stemmed from one horny night when we were talking; one thing led to another, some pictures and fantasies were exchanged, but I didn’t really think it was going to be as serious as she did. Regardless, I did care for her and felt bad that I was not as emotionally invested as she was. In the end, she understood, wished me well, and said if I ever wanted to talk, she would be happy to.

To me, that felt like a goodbye, but again, I was OK with it.

While I was not being tortured by Gabriel's absence, I kept busy thinking about what it would be like when I told him I wanted to have a relationship with him. What would the relationship be like?
Why do I have to be on a fucking schedule!!!???

Anyway, I did notice that the jealousy fits were becoming less and less and the thoughts that would torture me before were not as intense. Surely they still bothered me, but they were nowhere near as bad. Perhaps the understanding of jealousy was helping me overcome it.

I did some research on things I could do to help with self-esteem, insecurity, and all that, but the more I looked into it, the more abstract the solutions seemed. Videos telling me to “think this,” “think that” or “look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re great” simply were not helping. I’m not saying they don’t help other people—they just didn’t help me.

A part of me was really wondering what Gabriel would have to say about all this and if he could help me.

On my way home from work, I went to the coffee shop to get myself a cup of tea. I usually drank coffee, but tea was becoming a habit—I liked it. I just sat there drinking my tea, on my phone looking at Snapchat, IG, the usual… and decided to take a quick picture of my tea on the table and send it to Gabriel with the caption, “Look, I am at ‘our spot’!”

Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking or expecting back. I just wanted him to know I was thinking of him AND low-key remind him that he was supposed to be thinking about me!

He never responded or even acknowledged the picture or the message. I got depressed and just wanted to run back to the safety of my room where everything made sense.
I kept looking at my phone, switching between social media and the text I sent him.
I thought about sending a message to the people I was used to messaging, but I knew that wasn’t going to be enough to fill the void I was feeling and would just lead to more questions I didn’t want to answer. I started to feel the same emptiness I felt when my ex-best friend vanished.

As I was having my moment, just looking at my phone, I heard a voice say, “Hello, beautiful.” My heart skipped a beat—was I hearing things?

When I looked up from my phone, there he was… I was fucking surprised, I couldn’t speak. All I could do was look at him. He smiled at me and said, “Red, get up and hug me.” I was still gasping for words, so I got up and hugged him… and holy shit, it felt good… it felt like I could finally breathe again. When he hugged me, as his beard brushed past my forehead, I felt the connection I was dying for. I didn’t want to let him go; I just sunk into him and he pulled me in. FINALLY, I was immersed in his presence, his smell, and I was home.

That moment for me was so intense, so powerful that I felt myself tear up a little bit… I had to discreetly wipe my eyes because I didn’t want him to see that.

Then he broke the hug, grabbed my face, and looked into my eyes, gazing right into my soul as he said, “There’s my good girl, I’ve missed you,” and kissed me.

After what seemed like an eternity and a millisecond at the same time, he stopped the kiss and just looked at me. I couldn’t help myself and stuttered to say, “I-I-I’m in, I want to be with you.” His eyes widened in surprise—I don’t think he was expecting that.

Once he regained his composure and with my face still in his hands, he kissed me again and then wrapped me in his arms. When that kiss ended, I continued to hug him and just laid my head on his chest. I felt him try to break the hug, but I wasn’t ready to let go just yet. He noticed and just allowed me to keep my head on his chest.

It’s funny—as confident and calm as he was, while my head was on his chest, I could hear his heart beating fast and his breathing almost getting out of his control… I liked that feeling. I guess it let me know I wasn’t the only one feeling something.

We must’ve stayed like that for a few minutes—well, I’m sure it was like 2 minutes or something like that, but during that short time, I heard and felt his heart beating, his breathing, and when I opened my eyes, I could see people walking by staring at us, but I didn’t care. I just took in the moment.

Eventually, I finally let go and went to sit back down, but then thought, “Wait… he doesn’t have his tea! He must have his tea! I should go get his tea! Private Red reporting for tea duty, Sir!”

I fought my nervousness as much as I could and tried to calmly say, “I am going to go get your tea.” He responded, “That would be fantastic, Red, thank you. I’m going to run to the bathroom,” and walked away.

As I waited for his tea and for him to come back, I was trying to figure out how the fuck I went from having a moment where I just wanted to go home and bury myself under my covers, to now, here I am, giddy as a schoolgirl.

My plans to surprise him with the news that I wanted to have a relationship with him went out the window, and I just blurted it out in a moment of intensity.

I thought, “This man just refuses to let me have things my way… and for god’s sake, can my heart stop beating so fucking fast!”

When his tea was ready, I brought it to our table and sat down to wait for him. I was nervous, anxious, but also overcome with joy in anticipation of what was to come.

And then I finally saw him walking towards me… I loved his walk, so confident and calm. It was sexy—even though he was sweaty in shorts and a hoodie, I wanted to submerge myself in his chest again, sweat and all.

When he got to our table and sat across from me, he smiled and said, “Well, Ms. REDiance, seems like you’ve been doing some thinking. Are you serious about being with me?” At that point, that was all I wanted, so I said, “Yes, I do… Sir.” He smiled and asked, “And when did you make this decision?” I replied, “Yesterday.” He said, “I have questions, but I’m going to leave them for another time. Right now, I’m just going to enjoy the moment.” He smiled and instructed me to go sit next to him, and I did.

Once I was next to him, he held my hand and kissed me—not a deep passionate kiss, but not a tap either; I certainly felt it. He then gave me one of those intense, intrusive looks in the eyes and said, “Well, I just want you to know that I will do everything I can to make sure you’re more than happy with your decision. I will commit to earning your trust and being what you need me to be.”

I just smiled and blushed… nobody had ever said anything like that to me, let alone committed to it.

In the short time I had known Gabriel, I felt like he was honest and meant what he said. I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t hesitant or that there wasn’t any fear in me about it all, but something told me that if I was ever going to trust a man, he would probably be the one.

I was excited, but I still had a little bit of a “blues hangover”—that’s what I call the feeling I get after having a moment of blues, when I’m not exactly blue anymore, but there are remnants of it lingering. I hope that makes sense.

One thing that I noticed about myself is that eye contact had always been a problem for me; it felt so intrusive and vulnerable, I avoided it at all costs… but not with Gabriel, not anymore. I looked for it, I wanted to be vulnerable with him… I so enjoyed staring into his dark brown eyes and trying to figure out what was behind them.

As he was holding my hand, I looked in his eyes and said, “So what do we do now?” He smiled and said, “Well, now we kiss… I have not been able to stop thinking about that since the last time I saw you.” I just blushed and whispered, “Yes, Sir!”

I loved it when he kissed me; he was so gentle and commanding at the same time, not at all what I expected when he first started talking about the tyrannous regime he was going to put me under.

When the kiss ended, he just hugged me and whispered in my ear, “Red, I enjoy your smell so much and kissing your lips is such a delightful experience.” I thought, “Which lips??” OF COURSE, I DIDN’T SAY THAT, but I thought it… and you probably did too, perv!

Anyway, after such a compliment, all I could do was sink more into him.

After he pulled away (because I wasn’t trying to let him go), he took a sip of his tea and asked, “What brings you to the coffee shop?” I explained that I had just gotten out of work and felt like having some tea and relaxing before heading home. He nodded and said, “I was surprised when I saw your message. I had just finished training with my friends, so I decided to surprise you and show up. I apologize for the sweat, by the way.”

That pretty much explained the shorts, hoodie, and the sweat, but of course, I had to find out what sort of training he was doing. So, I asked, “What were you guys training?”

He replied, “I do martial arts. My friends and I train on Mondays. Remember I told you?”

That was interesting and unexpected, so I asked, “Which art do you practice?”—as if I knew anything about it. But he vaguely said, “A little bit of everything at this point. And since we’re talking about it, you’ll start training too.”

I was a little surprised; he hadn’t mentioned anything about doing something like this, but I wasn’t against the idea. Honestly, I had always wanted to try it. Though it did raise a bit of a red flag: Is he violent? But even if he were, he wanted me to learn it, so what was he thinking—did he want to fight me?

I said, “I didn’t think you were a man who enjoys violence.”

He took a deep breath. Uh oh, did I say something wrong? He responded, “Why do you think I enjoy violence? Because I train? Not at all. I don’t like violence, but let’s be realistic—it could happen. And if it does, I know I can handle the situation, at least better than I would if I didn’t train.”

This man plans for every possible situation, doesn’t he? He continued, “Besides, I enjoy doing it, and I get to spend time with people I love and enjoy being around. It’s a win all around.” He paused to take a sip of his tea, then said, “But enough about that; we’ll cover all that soon enough. Tell me, what have you been doing? What’s been going through your mind? What made you decide to be with me so suddenly?”

Ugh, shit! He’s going to make me talk about this—can’t he just take a ‘yes’ and be happy?

I said, “Can I be VERY honest with you?”

His response was… well, not what I expected at all. He came in closer and said:

“Red, look at me and believe what I’m going to tell you with every fiber of your being. Every time you talk to me, not only can you be honest, I expect that from you. If we’re going to be together, if there’s anyone I expect to be honest, it’s YOU. I want to be crystal clear with you, and I need you to understand this:

No matter what you say to me,

I will be here for you.
I will support you.
I will do my best to understand you.
I will not judge you.
I will not reject you.
I will not abandon you.

Honesty has to be ever-present in our life together; otherwise, we will never work. If you tell me the truth always, then I can work with anything. But if you don’t, then I can’t do much other than chase ghosts that you create for me to chase.
Even if you tell me that you no longer want to be with me, I will still be here for you and work with you. So, unless you explicitly tell me that you need me to walk away from your life at that very moment, I will honor the commitment I have with you.

Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

Holy shit! That was intense, almost scary! That’s a lot of commitment from him… towards me. It was almost too much… almost.

While he said that, I saw another side of him come out—I had seen that side before, the side that only appears when he’s sternly expressing his needs, desires, and requirements. And just like that, he sat back and returned to his joyous, calm, and gentle nature. It was intense, unusual, and my curiosity was super triggered.

I responded sheepishly, almost in an undeserving tone, “Yes, I do,” and he corrected me by saying, “Yes I dooo………….??” Ah! That was my cue: “Yes I do, Sir.” Then he said, “Good girl. So you were saying you wanted to be very honest, go ahead.”

Well, shit! With that intense moment, I forgot! No, I didn’t, but I wish I had, not because I wanted to avoid the conversation, but the intensity was a lot for me to take in. Once I got past the feeling left from the intensity and his commitment to the relationship had set in, I decided to just completely let it rip and be as honest as I could be.

I braced myself to be as honest as I had ever been, letting everything flow wherever it needed to go. I took a deep breath and said, “Well, to answer your question, I decided to be with you because I got tired of running in circles in my head about it. In the end, it all led to the same place: I want to at least try to be with you. And, don’t laugh, but I saw an episode of The Golden Girls that gave me the last little nudge I needed.”

He ignored my request and laughed anyway. I laughed a little too, then he said, “Hmm… I didn’t peg you for a Golden Girls fan, but I won’t distract you from your train of thought. Go on.”

I continued, “Another thing that’s been on my mind, today more than any other day, is…” I choked up, not a little, but A LOT, feeling so vulnerable. “I want to be more than just a part-time girlfriend that you see on some days. It kills me not to be able to see you or text you whenever I miss you.” And then I felt tears coming down my face.

He wiped my tears with his hand, took a deep breath, and said, “Red, please let me know when you’re done with your thought so I can speak. I don’t want to cut you off.” I fumbled to say, “I’m done.”
He took my hands in his and said, “Red, you’re not a part-time girlfriend, I promise you that. My intention with you is for you to be my primary relationship. Do you know what that means?”

He paused and then added, “You know what, I’m going to explain it to you so we don’t make any assumptions.

For me, a primary relationship is the one with the highest level of commitment and priority.
It means you’re the person I’m most deeply connected to, the one I turn to first in all things.
We’ll share our lives in a way that’s more intimate and intertwined than with anyone else.
It doesn’t mean I won’t care for others, but you will always come first. Your happiness, your needs, and our relationship will be my top priority. This is, of course, assuming you’re comfortable with everything that happens in the near future and decide to stay with me.
Do you understand what I am saying to you?”

I nodded, but he said, “REDiance, I am going to need you to use your words, please.”

“Yes, I understand,” I said, but again he pressed, “Yes, I understand…????”

Fuck! I forgot. Then I quickly corrected myself, “Yes, I understand, Sir.”

He responded, “Any questions so far? I’m not done, but if you have any questions so far, we can address them now.”

I sheepishly replied, “W-what about Christine, or whatever her name is?” He chuckled a little and said, “You know her name... now say it.”

I took a deep breath and said, “Christina.”

He continued, "Yes, that is her name. I understand that this might be uncomfortable for you, but I need you to show respect, just as I will expect the same from her towards you. We don’t dismiss, disregard or disrespect one another in this relationship. Understood?"

I felt like I was being chastised, but I understood, so I said, “Understood, Sir.”
He continued, “Good. As for Christina, she will be gone sooner or later. She has made her priorities clear, and this relationship is not it.
While I wish her the best and I’m going to support her in everything she does, and I hope you will too, her priorities are elsewhere, not HERE.
My priority, on the other hand, is HERE—this relationship. And again, I hope it will be yours too; it has to be if this is going to work.
Do you understand this part?”

I quickly responded, “Yes, I understand.” He didn’t correct me this time, but he squinted his eyes and gave a playful smile, recognizing that I was doing it on purpose, but he didn’t stop looking at me until I said, “Yes, I understand, SIR.”

Holy shit! Am I going to meet this girl? I would have to if I’m going to be supportive of her, wouldn’t I? When is this all going to happen?

He cut my little moment short by saying, “Now, the scheduling part, that is purely for me. I just need you to know and understand that I have other things I have to do and like to do outside of our relationship.

One big mistake that people make in relationships is completely changing their everyday lives to accommodate a new relationship. I know because I’ve done it in the past and then I lost myself in the process. I refuse to do that again, but I also refuse to allow you to do it… but that’s because I know the negative effects this has.
Do you understand this part?”

I took a big breath and said, “Yes, I do understand, but I miss you and I want to see you.” He was quick to respond, “I miss you too, I want to see you, and I want to spend time with you. Please don’t think I don’t.
Look, it is Monday and HERE WE ARE.
The schedule is so that you understand that I do have to do other things, but when time allows it, I will definitely see you.
Understand that my life, as I like to live it, requires maintenance, if you will. I am very clear on what I need in my life, but the reason I am so clear about it, is because I’ve lived without these things, and it was unsatisfactory, so I protect it and maintain it.
Do you understand?”

I said, “What needs are you talking about, and how am I getting in the way?” He smiled and said, “I love your question, we’re going to be so good together.
Well, the vision I have for my life is abundantly clear, and I will share it with you because if you’re going to be a part of it, you need to understand it and support it. It is really quite simple, but VERY important:

I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO AND
SURROUND MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO I LOVE AND I LOVE BEING AROUND.

That’s it, really simple.
So, in order to do that, I have to nourish my relationships with my friends, my family and romantic relationships. I also have to carve out time for me to do things I want to do and if possible, combine those things. And to answer your question about how you get in the way, you don’t.
However, before I bring you around all the people I love, I have to make sure that you’re at the very least committed to this relationship and won’t just bail out—not only on me, but on the people I love, who might just start getting attached to you.
Does that make sense to you?”

I understood but wanted to be a little bratty and, smiling, said “It doesn’t NOT make sense.” He just smiled and said, “Stop being a little smartass and come give me a kiss.” I reacted a little too eagerly and jumped to kiss him… every time I kissed him, I kept thinking “I am so screwed… I like this too much.”
Something else happened, though. When I leaned in to kiss him, I accidentally put my hand too high up on his leg, and let’s just say I was not the only one that was happy to be there. I didn’t apologize, but I didn’t say anything either—I just moved my hand back… just saying, I noticed.

When I pulled back from the kiss, he just sighed and said “mm… I am getting used to those kisses,” and I blushed.

Anyway, he continued, “As far as texting me, you can text me or call me anytime you want. I am not hiding anything from you, BUT you have to understand that my phone, to me, is just that—a phone. It is not glued to my hand, and more often than not, I neglect it… and frankly, I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I see what it does to people, and I am not that fond of it… but I will try to be a little better with it. Just know that if you call me and I can’t pick up, I will always call you back as soon as I can, but that is the best I can do at this time,” and he laughed a little while I pouted.

The whole conversation really made me feel better and helped me understand my position in the whole relationship. I was afraid I was just going to be a side thing. I mean, I was aware of the fact that he could be bullshitting me, but at this point, I saw no indication of that.

While he drank his tea (man, this man loves his tea!), he said, “Do you have any more questions for me?”
It’s funny, being open and honest felt good, and every time I felt more OK with everything.
I asked “So, will I meet Christina?” He was quick to say “Absolutely, I want you to meet her.”
Interestingly enough, the punch I used to feel in the gut was not there anymore… now it was almost normal. A bit uncomfortable, but not as bad.

I said, “Honestly, I feel a little intimidated,” and he just smiled and, too confidently, said, “Trust me, it’s not that bad at all, you’re going to love her.” In a challenging way, I asked, “Really? What makes you so sure?” and with the biggest smile on his face, he said, “Because I only allow amazing people into my life, that’s just how it is.” We both laughed a little, but I could see he wasn’t kidding about this.

He shifted the conversation back, asking, “Speaking of Christina, how are your jealous feelings?”

Generally, this would be another deer-in-headlights moment for me, but it wasn’t, not at all. I replied, “I did some research about jealousy, and apparently, you were almost right. I found out that it can also be caused by abandonment, so you were right-ish.”

He smirked and said, “Well, abandonment leads to insecurity, it’s not a separate issue. BUT, in the end, it doesn’t matter for our purposes, as long as it brought you some level of understanding and peace. But that was not my question, was it?”

I replied, “Honestly, understanding it did help a lot. Talking about her didn’t sting as much this time. It’s still a bit uncomfortable, but I think I can handle it… though, I know it’s easier to say than to actually do, right?”

He just smiled and said, “You’d be surprised, Red, but if you hang around for a little while, I promise you this will be a thing of the past and you’ll be able to laugh about it.”

I felt cheeky and said, “Feeling full of confidence, aren’t you?” to which he replied, “Overflowing with it, but that’s every day,” and smiled.
Then he continued, “I am very pleased you’ve been feeling better with the jealousy issue. It really only hurts YOU, and living with jealousy is a self-imposed hell. I know because I’ve been there.
So if you get nothing else out of this relationship, you’re already ahead of the game. You would not believe the amount of people that live with this problem and never recover… so, as of right now, I am extremely proud of you and VERY impressed.”

I blushed and felt good about myself, his approval was becoming more and more rewarding to me. With a shy smile, I just said “Thank you, Sir” and he replied “That’s my good girl, you are very welcome and thank you for being such a fast learner, and soooo adorable.” And then he said “3, 2, 1… BLUSH!” and I did, with a big smile.

I was feeling really good, it is amazing how these conversations keep getting better and I kept getting more and more comfortable with him and what seemed like a bad idea in the beginning was slowly becoming “not so bad.”

After all that, he said that we had enough talking of all that heavy stuff and that it was time to be getting home and he had to go home as well because he had to do some stuff before bed. He also said, “Red, don’t forget that tomorrow is Tuesday, and what happens Tuesdays?” and I eagerly said “It is date night, sir.” He smiled and said “Good girl, I have been looking forward to date night since we met. Please wear a dress and heels for our date, and let that red hair down for me. Can you do that?” I quickly said “I can do that, sir,” but inside I was a wreck! Dress? Shoes? What?

I was lost in shock and almost missed when he said “Excellent. I will pick you up at 7. Do you need me to drive you home?” I said “No, it is OK, I drove here” and then he offered to walk me to my car. We walked to my car, me on his arm, laughing and him being super flirty, and me blushing… It was a good night.

He opened my car door (which was surprising to me) and as I went to get into my car, he stopped me and said “Excuse me miss, where do you think you’re going?” I was startled and said “What??” and he just pulled me from my waist and planted a big kiss on me that just… it just… well, it JUST, okay!

Then he let me get in my car, he closed the door, and stood by my car until I drove off.

What a turn of events for the night…

That kiss really sent me flying, being surprised and just pulled by my waist, I made sure I recorded that into my memory because it was going to come in handy later that night… if you know what I mean.

The whole ride home, I was just entranced with the kiss. There were other things just crying to get my attention, but I wanted to keep that last event present in my mind and I held on to it for dear life. I even turned off the radio and rolled down the window so I could just let it linger more.

I was hoping I could just waltz through the living room and straight into my room so I could let off some steam.

Parked my car, got off with my keys in hand, opened the door and I ran into mom in the living room. I said “Hi, mom” hoping that would be the end of the interaction, but no luck. Mom wanted to talk, but the urge to get out of there quickly was powerful! I told her I was just going to take a quick shower and come right back. No such luck, she said she did not want to wait and to just please sit down… for the love of Christ mom, a girl has needs!

So, I sat down and said “what’s up mom?” and she asked what was going on. She had noticed that I had been coming home later than usual and wanted to know if everything was OK with work and school.

She was used to me going to school, going to work and coming straight home, into my room, jump on my computer and the casual tv watching session in the living room.

Giving her credit, she was right, that was my routine and had been for a very long time. I seldom went out or anything; As I mentioned before, I was socially awkward, shy and pretty much a lost cause. Other than the random nail or hair appointment, you could set your clock by my schedule, or lack of it.

I decided to be a grown up, this whole honesty thing had been working for me as of late, so I said “I know what you mean, mom. I’ve just been spending some time with a guy, you know, just getting to know one another.” She scoffed and said “I knew this was about a boy”, in my mind I said “a boy? He is older than you, Mom!” but of course I did not say that, I just stayed quiet and let her speak. She asked “is this anyone I know?” and again, in my mind I said “Yeah, from high school! He graduated your sophomore year!” Ha! I was on a roll, but I had to contain my laughter cause c’mon, I could only get away with so much, but inside I was cracking up. I just said “I don’t think so mom, he did not grow up around here.”

She went on to tell me to be careful and watch out cause men are all the same… you know, the usual.

I really did not have the energy, or desire to explain everything, I did not even understand all of it myself! So I just let her speak her piece so I could go do what I needed to do, which by the way, the moment was gone and now I was worried about how this whole thing was going to play out.

After mom was done with her long-winded speech about men wanting to take advantage of me, it was time to head to my room, but the moment was gone, such a shame. It was bound to be good. But I knew I was going to be able to somewhat recapture it later on.

Though, I was a little proud of myself for handling my mom the way I did. This would usually turn into a yelling match which she would’ve ended and win by doing the whole “my house, my rules” routine. I thought to myself “look at you, Red, all mature and shit”.

Once I made it to my room, I decided to take a shower for real and when I took off my pants and panties, soaked again. I am surprised I did not slide off the couch while mom was giving me her speech. Gabriel was causing me to do more laundry than I normally would, I am sure mom would notice that too; but I would rather sit through another sermon than have her find my panties like that, and my jeans, my JEANS for Christ’s sake!

After my shower I sat there and thought about everything that had happened, from me compulsively telling Gabriel that I wanted to be with him, the intense moment when he said that he expected my honesty and how I am his MAIN RELATIONSHIP, YESSSSSSS!!!

The talk about the schedule and the vision he has for his life and even meeting Christine, or whatever her name is. All those things were major, but they all paled compared to me being the main girlfriend, the big cheese, the big kahuna, the head honcho… move back bitches, main girlfriend coming through! you get the gist.

All of that topped with that swift move, pulling me from my waist and planting a big kiss on me… You could say I was having one really good night.

As I was getting comfortable with myself and my new Top Dog title and starting to warm myself up to a well-deserved home-COMING, if you know what I mean, it dawned on me; OH-EMMM-GEEEEEEEE I HAVE TO WEAR A DRESS TOMORROW!!!

Where the hell am I going to find a nice dress at this time? I jumped up and ran to my closet to see if the dress fairy had accidentally left a dress in there for me… nope nothing, jeans, sweaters and blouses as far as the eye could see.

The only thing in there that could pass as a dress was my prom dress, and c’mon that was a prom dress. I mean, I guess I could, Gabriel wouldn’t know.

The last time I’d wore the dress was, you guessed it, prom night when I went with Eric, my ex-best friend.

The dress was a deep red, strapless gown that felt a bit too grown-up for me back then. It was simple, with a sweetheart neckline and a high-low skirt that was shorter in the front and longer in the back. I remember feeling both excited and shy wearing it, like I was trying to be more mature than I actually felt. Looking at it now, I wasn’t sure if I could pull off that same excitement again.

Well, it was better than nothing and I was not about to cancel my first date with Gabriel, so it was time to try it on and hope it fits.

It fit! A little bit tighter than I remembered around the boob area, and thought “Holy shit, I am fat!” how did this happen? When? I ran to the bathroom to weigh myself and nope, same weight as I had been for ages. It was just my boobs, are these things ever going to stop growing??? Geeze!

Anyway, the dress fit so that’s something, the shoes should not be a problem, unless my feet grew, which wouldn’t surprise me.

The shoes were a pair of shiny heels that felt a little too high for me at the time. They had straps and an open toe, which made me feel elegant but also a bit unsteady.

I remember thinking they were the kind of shoes that grown-up women wore, and I was both excited and nervous about pulling them off. Looking at them now, I couldn’t help but wonder if they’d still feel as glamorous as they did back then.

It is funny, I was feeling the same nervousness and uncertainty I felt when I first got the dress. I felt like anyone who saw me would know instantly that I was an impostor and did not belong in that outfit; but no time for that right now.

I took a few pictures, and uploaded them to flickr and asked for advice. It wasn’t long before I started getting replies, most of them were good, some of them a bit unsavory, but overall my outfit had good reviews. Honestly, I did believe them but still felt a little unsure and felt like this should’ve been my plan B outfit, just in case I was unable to find something else at the store in the morning; but that changed when I got a message from the girl that had a crush on me from flickr.

She kept it short and just said “You look absolutely beautiful! He is a lucky guy. Good luck Red!”

As I’ve said in the past, me and her had a friendship that had been going on for a few years and I trusted her. Not knowing what to say or how to reply, I just said, “Thank you” and that was that. The decision had been made, I was going to have Prom 2.0 and hoped it was going to be better than the first one!

Now it was time to go back to bed, I tried going back to my “use me” session I was about to get into before I was so rudely interrupted by my own thoughts, but it just didn’t happen. I thought to myself “it’ll definitely get done in the morning” and I just laid there.

I couldn’t go to sleep, so I decided to play with my phone for a little bit and when I looked, there was a message from Gabriel. In the midst of my dress crisis, I completely missed it.

It said “Red, thank you for such a terrific night, I really did not expect for any of this to happen, but I am extremely pleased with your decision. I am committed to doing everything I can to earn your trust and for you to be happy about your decision. Sweet dreams, good girl.

PS: I can’t wait to take my girl out on our first real date.”

And what was dry as the Sahara 5 minutes before, was now overflowing and it was “Gabriel use me” time!

to be continued...