Parts 13-17
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So, I began telling him the story...

I started lightly and said, "Oh, you know, same old story, boy meets girl, girl falls in love, boy vanishes," with a sarcastic smile. "Typical story."

He smiled with me, but I could tell he wanted to know more. "Do you mind saying more about it?" he asked.

"Well, I had this best friend. We met online and hit it off right away. We talked about everything—our dreams, fears, all that stuff. Over time, things got a bit flirty, and I thought he liked me too. After a few years of being online friends, we decided to meet in person."

Gabriel gave me all his attention, his eyes never leaving mine... it felt a bit intimidating, but I continued...

"When we finally met, everything seemed perfect. We spent the whole day together, and that night... well, I lost my virginity to him. I thought it would bring us closer, but the next morning, he just... vanished. No calls, no messages, nothing. It was like he disappeared off the face of the earth."

Gabriel's expression remained calm and understanding, which made me feel a bit more comfortable.

"I waited a while, hoping he'd reach out, but he never did. I guess he just wasn't as into me as I thought he was," I said, trying to laugh it off. "It was confusing and kinda sucked, but hey, I survived."

Gabriel just looked in my eyes and said "Red, that must have been really tough," he said. "I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing it with me. I hope talking about it helped a little."

His words were comforting, and I felt a bit more at ease. "It did help, but I'd rather not focus too much on that. Is that okay?" I asked.

"Of course, I completely understand. Let's talk about something else" he replied, taking a sip of his tea. "So, Ms. Red... how do you think we're doing? Are there any questions you'd like to ask me?"

At this point, I was a lot more relaxed and able to think and talk more comfortably. "Well, Mr. Gabriel... this is a little odd. Just the way we're going about things. I thought people met, went out to movies, dinner, and things like that, and after some time, they deal with the things we're dealing with. This seems backwards, don't you think?"

He took a second to think and said, "You're absolutely right, Red. We are doing things backwards according to how normal people do these things, but I am not normal, have you not noticed?" He let out a laugh and I joined with my own laughter and said, "I am coming around to that idea, but still, I'm curious." He said, "I completely understand, but let me explain why we're doing things this way, ready?" with a big smile... I thought to myself, "Grrr, so much charm should not be packed into one person!"

He continued, "See, most people will go through the things you said, spend time together and enjoy each other's company. What we don't take into account is that the person we're getting to know is a different personality. Let's call that personality 'Date Person,' but this person is focused on only showing what they think is the best part of themselves. Do you agree?"

I couldn't argue with that logic, so I nodded my head, and he continued, "That carries through the 'honeymoon stage,' but then the real personality comes out, and it's not always as pretty. However, by that time, people are emotionally invested, one can even say they are 'in love,' but the person they fell in love with is no longer around, and THEN they start having the difficult and uncomfortable conversations. You're with me?"

I nodded again. "Okay, I think you're right," I said.

He continued, "Now, imagine if we started dating as normal people do, we fall in love, and in two years, I tell you that I am polyamorous? Or somewhere down the line, I tell you that 'you are mine' and all those things that I require of you, not WANT, REQUIRE. It is bound to create friction because that is not what you signed up for from the start. How would you feel about that?"

"I don't think I would like it, but I also think that when you love one another, you figure things out," I said.

He jumped in, saying, "I understand your point, but in reality, you're HOPING that things would work out and that you could move past whatever friction there is. If not, not only would you be heartbroken, but you'd also have lost two years and now you're out there on your own. And that's the best-case scenario. The other scenario is that you'd spend the rest of your life being unhappy because you can't bring yourself to part from that relationship."

I thought, "Well, when you put it that way..." Regardless of what I decided to do with this relationship, I was learning a LOT. So, at this point, I just said, "Okay, I agree with you," and he continued his long-winded speech.

"We, on the other hand, are having the difficult and uncomfortable conversations now, while we're not deeply in love. So, if there are any issues, they really don't matter, we can both go our separate ways. In that way, we only open ourselves up for love knowing exactly what we're getting into." He sipped his tea and continued, "So, no, we are not doing things like normal people because I am not planning on having a normal relationship. I plan to have an amazing relationship, whether that's with you or with someone else, only time will tell, but that is my plan, and I won't have it any other way."

Inside me, there was a voice that said, "Wtf!? Why not me?" But I understood where he was coming from and honestly, I respected it... and I liked it.

However, there was that elephant in the room—the polyamorous thing. I kept trying to put it out of my mind, but he brought it up, and I figured, "I guess now is as good a time as any... rip the band aid in one motion!"

So, I said, "Can I ask you a question and you'll answer truthfully?" He just looked at me, raising his hand with a smile, and said, "Nothing but, so help me God." I continued, "I know you're polyamorous, that is clear. Are you seeing anyone now?"

I guess I really just wanted to know, but I won't lie, I was hoping he'd say, "No, you're the only one for me," something romantic like that.

He didn't hesitate and said, "Yes, I am seeing someone." That felt like a punch to the gut. I don't know why; I mean, he was being honest all along, and I knew that this was a possibility. In fact, I had accepted it as a certainty, but there was a part of me that hoped, you know?

I know he saw the disappointment in my eyes, but he just looked in my eyes sympathetically and waited for me to say something... I figured, since I was already there, fuck it. I said, "Is that something we can talk about?" He said, "Certainly, what would you like to know?"

I mean, I can't lie, I was a little disappointed, but I understood that it was not his fault at all. I just said, "Well, I just would like to know if I would be a girlfriend to you or to you both. That's the right word, right?" He smiled and said, "Yes, Red, that is the right word. And to answer your question, no, you would not be 'our girlfriend.' If anything, she would become our, yours and mine, girlfriend."

Now, work with me here, this was confusing to me at the time, so let me try to explain it: As I understood it from my 'vast' research, the way it works is that there is a couple, and any other person that comes after that would become a 'girl/boyfriend' to either person in the couple or to both.

In this case, I would be coming in as the third, assuming there was only one. I could be eighth for all I knew.

So, I asked him how it worked, and he said, "Well, you're right, that is usually how it would work. But in this case, we are not a 'couple.'" I must have looked incredibly confused, but he continued, "What happened is that some time ago, she made the decision that while she loves what we have, her culture, religion, and family prohibit this type of relationship. She feels that she would break her parents' hearts if they found out about it. Besides, her whole life she dreamed of the wedding and the white picket fence, and she has chosen to pursue that life."

I thought, "Holy shit, this is deep, complex, and fascinating!" So, I asked, "How did you find out about her intention?"

He was quick to respond, "She told me, and we had the conversation. You must remember this is based on honesty, trust, and full transparency. You cannot have this type of connection if you can't fully rely on the other person's honesty and intent, and I refuse to live my life any other way. Make sense to you?"

My jaw was on the floor. I just could not see how this worked. I asked him how he felt about the whole thing, and he said, "I understand it, I support it, and it sucks, but that's the rule, remember? If at any point there is a need that I am unwilling or unable to satisfy, you should go and pursue that need."

It made sense, it really did, but I guess I imagined that this was a "last resort" type of thing. But this guy was not just talking the talk; he was walking the walk.

When I asked him about where they stand now, he told me that they still love one another, are still on good terms, and they talk and see each other once a week.

This was very confusing to me. It was like breaking up without being broken up. I asked him what this arrangement was like, and he explained that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, but they both knew that at some point she was going to leave permanently.

Talk about a mind-fuck... My mind was being pulled in different directions, my beliefs were being questioned, and it all felt overwhelming... But I wanted to know more.

I said that it seemed like they were postponing a heartbreak, and he said, "I guess you can look at it that way, or you can look at it as two people who love one another and know there is an end, so they choose to enjoy their love while they still can. Regardless, it is going to hurt, and it is going to be difficult whether it's now or later. It is just like any normal couple, with the exception that instead of me trying to change her mind or make promises I won't be able to keep, I am supporting her to go in the direction she wants to go in. When she finds someone that she is going to try to be monogamous with, then we will say our goodbyes and move on."

All that had me floored. I understood everything Gabriel was saying, it just seemed like a little too much. And then it hit me:

“Having this type of arrangement would be so much better than what my ex-best friend did.”

I think Gabriel saw the lightbulb over my head because he just smirked while looking at me. As I said, “That's much better than what my ex-best friend did,” he almost too cockily replied, “I know.” I asked, “So why didn’t you say that earlier?” He very calmly sipped his tea and said, “Red, some things we cannot see until we are ready to discover and see them on our own. If I had brought that up, you might’ve become defensive, and this whole conversation could’ve taken a very bad turn. But since you reached that realization on your own, you’re much more receptive to the idea.” I was taken aback by the moment, plopped into my chair, and reached for my cup. I thought that at least this type of breakup was more 'civilized' than any other type I’d experienced or heard of.

I apologized for being quiet; it was just a lot, and my head was spinning so much, I felt light-headed. So much information combined with new understanding was just, a lot. He told me not to worry and to take as much time as I needed to process all of it. He did ask if I wanted to go home and just simmer in it, but I didn't want to. I felt like Neo in the Matrix the first time they installed a new skill into his brain, and I wanted more! Don't judge me, I told you I am a nerd.

He instructed me to just take a few deep breaths and to try to not think about it, but how could I? I just took some deep breaths and tried to get my mind to settle.

After a few minutes, I finally regained my composure and said, "I am sorry, I just had never had that feeling; especially while trying to have a conversation at the same time." He told me not to worry too much about it and asked if I had any more questions... yeah, like a billion! But I settled by asking him if I would ever meet this person, and he responded, "That all depends, Red. If you decide that you want to start seeing me, then we'll spend some time together, and if we decide that we want to do this long term, then I will introduce you to the people in my life, including Christina." I thought to myself, "So, she has a name!"

It was such a contradiction to feel jealous but also want to meet her at the same time.

He interrupted my moment of pettiness by saying, "Now that you have more information and have had some time to think about it, do you know what you'd like to get out of this?" I told him that I really didn't know yet, and he asked me, "Let's start with this: what do you feel is lacking in your life right now?"

That question took me by surprise, but the answer, the REAL answer, made me feel so vulnerable, I just did not know if I should just pour it all out...

I answered his question by telling him I wanted to be loved, respected, and just wanted to be happy. I know, cliché and I know I took the cowardly way out, but I was not ready to be so vulnerable. Besides, I wanted to save face as much as possible.
At that moment, I understood that he was not wrong about the whole "date personality," and I was doing that very thing he mentioned. I remember thinking to myself, "maybe next time."

If you ask me, he recognized my "date personality," but decided to let me off the hook by simply saying, "I understand, Red, I don't think that's too much to ask." I think that at that point, he figured out that it was not going to be easy to get me to talk about those things because he said, "Let's try something else... What are some of the reservations you have about what I am proposing to you?" I asked, "What do you mean?" and he explained that I was obviously interested, but he wanted to know what were the things that made me hesitate.

I said that I was having a problem with a few things. He smiled and said, "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you? A few things, such as?" and we both giggled a bit.

It took some prying from him, but he finally got me to say, "I don't know about the whole submission thing... I don't know if I can submit to you in the way you want... excuse me, REQUIRE."

He took another sip of his tea, which by now was cold. I know because mine was cold too. He then said something that was mind-bending, at least for me. He said, "That's where you're wrong, Ms. Red. And I understand that you're not wrong because of anything you think, but because you don't know, which is fine... I don't require you to submit TO ME, I require you to submit to YOU, to yourself."

I asked him what he meant, and he continued, "Well, it may sound complicated, but it isn't... it just requires you to get to know, understand, and accept yourself. You have to explore if your nature is to be submissive or dominant, that is all... not what you've been told you should want, but what you REALLY want and need... your real nature."

As he said that, I felt myself tightening up... I hated that word "submissive”; it sounded too condescending and insulting. As I got ready to protest with my index finger extended, about to let him have it, he interrupted me, signaling to wait... my "date personality" decided that I should calm my redheaded ass down.

He said, "Before we go too much further into this, let's understand that being submissive isn't a bad thing. It's not a weakness or something to be ashamed of. It's just part of who you are, your nature. Being submissive isn't exclusive to women; men can be submissive too. Everyone has different needs and ways of expressing themselves in a relationship. Embracing that side of yourself means you're in tune with what you want and need, and there's an enormous amount of strength in that."

I scoffed in disapproval; of course, he would say that he wants me to be submissive... at that point, I was defensive and offended, but I really did not have an argument... I was still in date mode, so I said, "Go on..."

He continued, "Take me for example, I find fulfillment in giving love and support, but receiving is not as important to my sense of satisfaction. In other words, for me to feel satisfied in a relationship, it is not necessary for me to receive love. It is nice, and it usually happens, but it is not a necessity for me."

What the fuck??? This was too much, how was that even possible?? I looked at him in disbelief and asked, "What?"

He smiled and continued, "Yes, that is my nature, I can't help it any more than you can help being beautiful."

Okay, I'll admit, that made me smile, blush, and even made my heart skip a beat a little... but I was still curious, so I asked him what that was like, I just could not wrap my head around that.

He said, "Well, that's just my nature, I know it, I accept it, and I embrace it... I can't help it. As you can probably guess, that has caused quite a few predicaments in my life. But once I embraced it as part of me, I became more conscious, intentional, and aware of the people I allow into my life. That does not mean that I go around the city just loving people... I just have to be cautious about who I allow into my life."

I could not understand what he was so nonchalantly explaining, I mean, I understood the words, my mind just could not process it... I just looked at him in even more confusion than before. I even considered that he might be mentally ill and that it was time to run for the hills... but curiosity.
Now, I don't know what I was thinking when I said, "Is that like a mental condition or something? Have you been diagnosed?"

That was the first time I heard him laugh, but REALLY laugh. His laughter was boisterous, contagious, and joyful... almost child-like. All the composure he always held went out the window, and it lasted for a little while. Eventually, I joined him with my laughter, not because I knew why he was laughing, it was just contagious.

With tears of laughter in his eyes, he looked at me and said, "No, it is not a mental condition, but I get it, it is not that easy to understand if you don't have a frame of reference... which most people don't. It is just my nature." He paused for a second to think and said, "Anyway, on that same token, I accept my dominance, and I embrace it. I am intentional about it, and I am upfront about it with the people I choose to date."

All this was just a lot to process, one question always led to another... but if I am honest, with every passing moment, I was getting more and more hooked. At the time, it did not even occur to me to ask myself if I was hooked on the conversation, topics, depth, or the person. I mean today those are valid questions, but I did not know it back then... all I knew was that I wanted more. I was also not sold on the whole submissive thing being in my nature. I mean, Mom had been telling me about the whole patriarchy thing for years and if we go by that, this was the epitome of it.

With a bit of sarcasm, I said, "I don't know about that, Mr. Gabriel... sounds like you want your cake and eat it too." He quickly said, "Of course I do, wouldn't you? But that does not make what I've said any less true. What I am saying is: let's find out if being submissive is part of your nature and if it is and you're willing to embrace it, let's combine it with my dominance and see if we are good together. I am certainly not trying to force you to do anything you're not willing to do, it is just not who I am. As I've said in the past, I require that you are as excited as I am about everything we do, otherwise it just does not work for me."

Hmmmm... he did say that. Still, I didn't know if that was something I was willing to explore. There's also the whole polyamory thing. What did that mean? Did that mean that I was going to have to perform lesbian acts? Could I do that? Was I comfortable having multiple men in my life? Holy shit! Were there going to be orgies??? WTF! These were all questions I needed answers to.

It was a lot to wrap my head around... but I was still there, so there was obviously something I was at the very least willing to explore.

While I was having my moment of confusion, Gabriel said, "Red, I would like for us to take a walk. It will help you clear your mind, and we can talk about something else. Would you like that?"

I said, "I would like that, do you have a place in mind?" and he responded, "I am sure we will figure it out, it'll be good for us." As we got up from our chairs, he handed me his cup and gestured me to dispose of it. I smiled and sarcastically said, "I see what you're doing, Mr. Gabriel," to which he responded with a smile and said, "I also see what I am doing, now we have more in common, isn't life funny?" and we both just smiled at one another.

As we started walking down the street, he offered his arm for me to hold, and I held it, and it felt GOOOOOD!

Immediately, as we started walking, I began asking him one of the questions that I had, and he said, "Red, I understand you have questions. I get how important they are, and as you know, I don't have a problem with answering any of them. But let's take a break; let's just enjoy each other's company for a little while. I would really enjoy that."

I can't lie, I was a little offended by his response. I mean, I had spent a great deal of time trying to figure out these questions, and I needed answers, NOW! ... But I desisted, and for a long while, we just walked and talked, but not about the topic I had been obsessing over for the past few days. Instead, we talked about movies, books, things we like to do... a regular date!

I was used to this serious, composed, and straight-to-the-point person, who I thought would pull out a PowerPoint presentation about how to kiss properly; but to my amazement, he was so funny, witty, and even geeky. Though he stayed composed, he had some very funny things I never expected from him, perhaps because of his composure… It was so unexpected.
He was full of little quirks and knew so much about different things, like a walking, talking, sexy Google. Something that really stood out was that he was not as bossy as I expected him to be; I thought he would be like a drill sergeant, telling me to stand up straight, what to do, and all that, but not at all. He was gentle and thoughtful with his words and actions. I thought, "Maybe this is his 'date personality,'" and as soon as that wore off, it would be hard times for poor old Red.

Anyway, we kept on walking, talking, laughing, and flirting a little bit... I enjoyed that part, perhaps a little too much. Before I knew it, I was so relaxed, and the pressure that I had felt for the past few days had completely vanished. I was just enjoying myself.

I noticed that at some points, he would move me from his side to the other side as we walked. I thought it was weird, so I asked him why he did that. He explained that it was a habit he had, and it was meant to protect me from anything coming from the street, like cars, water splashes, stuff like that. He even told me a story about how, in some cultures, if the woman is on the side of the street, it was a sign that he was "selling" her. I responded, "Good! Because I’m not for sale... but I will consider interesting trades!" We both chuckled about that one… Now that I read it, it was not that good, but maybe it is one of those things that you had to have been there.

Eventually, we ended up in a park, found a picnic table, and he led me to sit down, and he sat facing me. He asked me if I was still feeling overwhelmed, to which I responded with a big sigh, "No, not at all. This was exactly what I needed." He sarcastically responded by saying, "See? I know what's good for you, all you have to do is listen." I knew he was joking, but at the same time, I knew he was not.

I took advantage of a moment of silence and told him how different he was from what I had imagined. I had this image of a silent, strict, demanding sergeant in my head, but he was totally different. He laughed and said, "Well, this is my date personality; I can't scare you off before you sign up."
We both laughed a little, and then he continued, "Not at all, this is how I usually am, this is how I like to be. However, I have to make my intentions clear to avoid any confusion. When we first met, you wanted to be friends. Let’s say I agreed, even though I had my intentions. But eventually, I tell you about my needs, desires, rules, and requirements. You might feel misled or even cheated. You could even say, ‘We can’t, we’re just friends,’ correct? That would be a bad situation for both of us. But now, even though you've seen beyond all the things that may make you uncomfortable, you are still fully aware of my intentions, desires, needs, and all those things, and know that they are still a priority, correct?"

I responded, "Okay, Mr. Gabriel, point taken, but don't you think you scare people that way?" With his hands loosely clasped and his eyes meeting mine, he said, "I don't think so… but if I do scare them, it scares the ones who can't handle honesty, and if that is the case, I don't want them in my life. Certainly not in the capacity that I want you."

When he said that, I almost melted, and the teenage girl inside me said, "He wants me! He wants me! He wants me!" 

Of course, on the outside, I just gave a sheepish smile and broke eye contact because it was just too much, you know? He, of course, did not let me get away with that and said, "You're so lovely when you get shy and nervous, Red... especially now that you're about to blush and turn red, Red," and he laughed, and I blushed, and I could not look him in the eye for a little while. I was consumed by the butterflies in my stomach and the nervousness he made me feel. I was on cloud nine and a half!

He took that moment to get back at it and said, "Okay, Red, what other questions do you have for me?" And for the life of me, I could not remember any questions, except one... the questions about sex and orgies and lesbian acts, but honestly sex talk would make me more nervous. Besides, I was enjoying myself too much to bring up that subject. I was even more spellbound than the first time, just lost in the moment and that gaze that drove me nuts. I just did not want that moment to end, you know that feeling.

I also knew that asking serious questions could end this moment, which I did not want... but I was curious.

I asked, "A minute ago, when you talked about people who can't handle honesty and how you would not want them in the capacity that you want ME... what capacity do you want me in?" I knew that this could go in many different ways. What if he said, “I want you to be my fuck buddy” or something like that? But I needed to know.

He took a moment to think about his response. I noticed he did that a lot; whenever he was about to talk about a sensitive or deep subject, he paused to think, and then, with a deep breath, he'd let me know he was ready to answer... mental note: find out why he does this.

Then he answered, "Red, I never go into a relationship thinking it is going to be temporary or short term. My nature dictates that if I am going to be involved with anyone, I am going to love them intensely, and it could be to my detriment, not because I want it to, but because that is just the way it could happen. Having said that, and to answer your question, if WE both decide that we're going to be together and that this is something that will be good for both of us, then I see you being in my life permanently."

Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Is this for real?? I mean, I was not sure if I wanted all of this or even part of this, but the feelings I had been developing and the entrancement I experienced while I was with him and that gaze and that smile and that mind... I could get used to all those.

Somehow, I managed to maintain my composure and just smiled while blushing as he continued, "Of course, that is with the understanding that you can live with the things we have talked about, such as polyamory, you being mine, to guide, to love, to protect—all those things that are critical for me."

Uggghhh... all those things, some sound good, but some sound contradicting to my upbringing... So, I got a little bold, ballsy even. I mean, he is talking all kinds of serious and permanent things, with his requirements and all that, so I said, "Ok, Mr Gabriel... it seems like you're requiring a lot of things from me, but it feels very one-sided. I will be doing all the compromising, and you won't be doing much other than telling me what to do... not only that, but you also want me to be excited about it. Would YOU get into something like this?"

He perked up with wide eyes and a big smile and said, "There she is! I knew you were in there somewhere!" We both giggled as he recognized me taking a stand against his tyranny.

While still smiling a little, he responded, "Red, Red, Red... First of all, let's remember that there are rules, and the main one says that if you're not happy with anything, you can and should walk away. Remember those?" I nodded and said, "I do remember those."

He continued, "But before we go any further, let's let the cat out of the bag: to some degree, you're interested in what we're talking about; otherwise, you wouldn't be here. Can we agree on that?" I smiled with playful disapproval, refusing to tell him that he was right and I said, "You're not entirely wrong." He just chuckled but did not lose focus and explained:

"Red, while you're enduring my militant regime, I will be committed to diligently earning your trust—the trust required for you to feel safe being with me.
I will be committed to looking after your emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
I will be learning your goals and dreams and figuring out what we need to do to make them a reality.
I will also be learning about you—your likes, dislikes, needs, desires, weaknesses, strengths—and finding ways to accommodate them to ensure your needs are being met, even when YOU forget that your needs must be satisfied.
I have to learn what your passions are AND educate myself about them, because surely you will want to talk about them, and I want to make sure I can keep up."

At this point, I was looking at him like he was insane and wanted to interject, but he signaled that he wasn't done.

"I also have to learn your tendencies in case they affect me, you, or both of us in a negative way so we can make adjustments.
Additionally, I am tasking myself with being your best friend, even at times when you think I am your worst enemy, or worse, when you are being YOUR own worst enemy.
On top of that, I know you will evolve, so I must adjust for those changes as they come, even when YOU don't notice them.
And one more thing: everything I ask you to do, I am tasking myself with teaching you how to do it. I will never expect you to do something that I won't be willing or able to teach you how to do or work with you so we can learn together.
And these are just some of the things I have to do, but lastly, I also have to work on my own well-being in all those areas and a few more.

Does it seem like I will just be sitting around giving you orders?"

Holy shit! He is dedicated to this; he has actually sat down and thought this through. I mean, I was flabbergasted by the amount of detail he had put into all of this. It's funny how I went from standing up to his tyranny to wondering if I was good enough for anything he was putting on the table. Am I worth the effort he is willing to put into this? Am I willing to put that much effort into ANYTHING?

At the moment, I was just overwhelmed by his attention to detail, his intention, and the fact that he was willing to do all of that for a partner while managing himself in the process. But I was also wondering WHY he was willing to go to those lengths.

I asked in the best way I could, “Why do you feel the need to do all of this for your partner? Why do you need so much control?”

His response was a bit unsatisfying, but I think I understood. He said, “Well, it is just my nature, but if you think about it, when we get into relationships, we never take these things into account. Sometimes our partners have tendencies that are not only bad for them, they are bad for us and worse for the relationship.
Have you ever had a friend who is a great friend and in a great place, but then they get into a relationship and change completely? I certainly have.
I’ve had friends who are in a great place in their lives, but when they get into relationships, they suddenly start drinking excessively, doing drugs, isolating themselves, things like that. In those situations, people are just flowing with whatever comes. I don’t work like that; there was a time in my life when I did, but not anymore. I prefer to be active in my pursuit of what is best for my life, and I’ve come to the conclusion that most people just flow with what is easiest, but most of the time, what is easiest is not what is best for us.
So, I prefer to do the work and live a life I enjoy living.
If we decide we want to pursue something together, you already know that our focus will be to live a good life. Granted, it will not always be easy, but as long as we are aware that it will require work, we will be more than OK.”

I understood everything he said, and to some extent, I agreed, but I was still curious about a few things. Everything he explained usually just led to more questions for me.

I asked him to explain why this was part of his nature; it did not add up to me. I could tell this was going to be another long-winded explanation because he took a deep breath.

He said, “My nature is to be dominant, right? Well, that just means I need to be in control, and I’ve chosen to be in control of MY life. But that means that if I am going to allow you deeply into my life, I also have to be in control of you, what you do, and how you are going to affect my life.
Imagine if you spent the last ten years of your life working on something like fitness, then I come into your life and my contribution to it is that suddenly you can’t be focused on your fitness and we’re eating pizza every day.
Most likely, in the beginning, you’d be OK with it, but as we start going beyond the honeymoon stage of the relationship and you start gaining weight, and realize you have not worked out in two months and everything you worked so hard for is now gone, inevitably, you’ll start resenting me and feeling negatively about me and the relationship, not to mention how you’d feel about yourself.
So, in a nutshell, I just need to KNOW that you’re being the best you can be for me, and I will be focused on being the best for us... And I understand that to some people this will not make sense, but it makes perfect sense for me.”

Again, I understood everything he said, and I agreed… but there was a part of me (it sounded a lot like my mom) that said he just wanted to change me and who I am. I said, “So, in essence, you feel like for me to be the best I can be, you have to change ME, correct?”

He was quick to fire back, saying, “No, not at all. Let’s say that you’re a person who is constantly late. Does that define who you are? No, it does not; it just means that you have a bad habit, and it is not necessarily BAD, personally I just don’t like it.
I don’t want to change who you are. In fact, I want to encourage and enhance who you REALLY are; what we would be doing is removing and avoiding the bad habits you may have and replacing them with better habits that allow you to be the best version of who you are… for me,” and we both laughed a little about that.

He had great timing for comic relief. Just when things were getting intense and heavy, he would throw in a little joke or something to lighten the mood. At the time, I did not really see it, but it definitely made things easier to digest.

He continued, “Listen, Red, ultimately this all boils down to living a good life. Everything I am offering doesn’t only enhance my life, but yours as well, provided that you’re willing to do the work, question what you’ve been taught your whole life, and just allow yourself to be guided. And let’s keep in mind that if at any point you find that this is not for you, you can just walk away.
My goal for you is that you’re completely fulfilled as a person, so you can enhance MY life. Think about it from my perspective: do you think I would want a person that is happy, excited about life and fulfilled by my side, or someone who is constantly in a state of disappointment, complaining about how she is mistreated and feeling unfulfilled?
You don’t have to answer that question, but you can if it makes you happy.”

Obviously, I didn’t HAVE to answer the question, but I did anyway. I said, “What if unfulfilled, disappointed, and complaining is my nature?” and he just looked at me confused as if trying to figure out if I was serious or not. I can’t lie, I felt good having a tiny little victory and stumping him, even if it only lasted a few seconds, but he caught on and we laughed, but he still said, “then you’re not the one for me, period.”

The reality is that I really didn’t disagree with much… I was young and as I have said before, I was completely lost in life. I thought that in the worst case of scenarios, I could just walk away. I mean, it is not like he was asking me to move with him to some remote island, from what I understood, we would just be seeing each other and if things did not work out, everyone walks away… I had to be honest with myself and ask, “what did I have to lose?”

But then again, there were the polyamory questions… this obviously had sexual and intimacy effects… so many things I did not know, but I was not ready to be so bold and ask sexual questions.

I did think of a way I could ask a question without me having to volunteer my curiosity and feel so vulnerable because shyness is a pain in butt.

I asked, “So Mr. Gabriel, I am not saying that I am in, or I am out, but let’s say I said ‘I want to do this,’ what would we do next? I am not saying I am in; I am just curious as to what would happen if I did” …

to be continued...