All characters are fictional and adult.

Dear Penelope,

I write to you from my new residence in Shriveport. While I am not entirely satisfied with the house it is slowly coming to order. I received your letter last Tuesday and have been considering what it said ever since. I understand that you are not satisfied with our relationship and that dissatisfaction might make your demands seem completely reasonable to you. Before I answer let me relate a recent strange occurrence that has changed my views, on our relationship as well as other subjects.

It was the Monday before your letter arrived. My usual constitutional along the beach had been interrupted by an outflow from the lagoon and I walked along it, thinking to find somewhere to cross. It was some time before I gave up and struck back overland through the scrub to my home and I arrived sweaty and distracted. No wonder then that it took me two cups of water to notice the tracks of sand from the garden door to the stairs.

The garden door stood open, and sandy footprints led across the floor. Something about the size and curve of the footprint suggested a young woman, and for a moment I stood trying to grasp that suggestion more firmly, but it escaped me. I then realised I could smell something odd in the air, ammoniac... Fishy. I noticed odd moisture on the floor next to the footprints. It was then that I heard the water coming from the shower upstairs and realised, properly, that somebody was in the house! Picking up a walking stick, I leapt up the stairs to confront the intruder.

Upon reaching the stairtop I nearly tripped over a pile of something on the carpet, but managed to leap over it clumsily. When I inspected it more closely I could not quite determine what it was. Slimy paper? It almost looked like fish scales but they were too large. The ammoniac smell was stronger there but as I moved towards the bathroom it dissipated.

My adrenaline rush had been stalled by my near-fall and subsequent discovery and I approached the door with caution. From within I could hear water splashing in an almost melodic way. I stood listening for a moment - what music it was! Imagine a voice like water, harmonising with the random splash of a showerhead's output! It was unearthly. Alien and beautiful.

I had intended to burst into the room, weapon held high and ready to repel an assault, but that song had stilled any violence I might have imagined was within me. I pushed at the door. It swung open on a steam-filled bathroom.

As the cold air without pulled the steam past me in visible gusts the nymph within the shower was revealed. Her skin was pale, mostly. Her lips were like a visual expression of sensuality; a dark red that matched her nipples and her lips. Her chestnut hair cascaded roughly around a delicate face and her song had an unearthly timbre. She was gorgeous, I'm sure you would agree Penelope. I remember your appreciation of female beauty, remember that time I congratulated Gertrude Finstance on her cake, and you later remarked quite forcefully that she was "very attractive to men"? Yes.

As I said, this was a strange occurrence. It just so happened that I was completely naked at the time.

Earlier, after entering the gate and approaching the house, I had trodden on a large ant nest. It was only when I was halfway across it that I realised ants were crawling up my trousers and even underneath them onto my socks! My acrobatics then would surely have been of amusement to you, you do enjoy my unfortunate pratfalls, don't you Penelope? Remember that time I slipped and broke my ankle in such an amusing way? You laughed and laughed. Yes.

Well I was forced to surrender my shoes and trousers to the madding crowd of ants and retreat to my bastion ashamed, in underwear and a shirt. I repaired to the garage, where I vainly hoped to find insect poison, flushed as I was with anger and the desire for revenge. Poison I did not find, nor revenge, but an unnoticed oil spill lurked on the underside of a table, and I found my shirt back indelibly stained by my search. I discarded it immediately, should any motor oil reach my skin and cause more of those "disfigurements," as you call my skin disorder, Penelope.

It was, therefore, a fact that I was only wearing underwear while quenching my thirst, and while I noticed the footprints before leaping into stalled action. Also, as I leapt into action, I tripped awkwardly. Strange as it is, my hand was held forward in such a way, and my fall was at such an angle, that my hand was forced quite far down my right side, which happened to be underneath my underwear. It was thus that I regained my feet, and in doing so, was forced to shed my underpants in the same movement.

All of which is to explain why I was naked when I entered the steamed bathroom which contained the most beautiful and sensuous girl I had ever laid eyes upon.

And, given that she was the most beautiful and sensuous girl I had ever laid eyes upon - and given your marked appreciation for the aesthetics of the female form, Penelope, I'm sure you would agree that she was the most beautiful and sensuous girl I had ever laid eyes upon, ever, Penelope - I'm sure you would not begrudge the fact that I instantly became engorged. That is, my cock, which you lovingly refer to as "that thing", instantly became incredibly hard and erect. Just from looking at her. Imagine that.

Imagine that. Yes.

I don't know how long I stood there after I pushed the door open, entranced by her voice and her nipples, my dick standing to attention, but at some point she noticed me.

Her song ended. Her wide eyes shone upon my face. I don't know what she saw there, but she smiled for a tiny moment. Then she noticed my pointing cock and her eyes got wider. Unconsciously she turned to run.

As I said, this was a strange occurrence. Who could calculate the probability of her falling the way she did?

She turned to run, perpendicular to the bathtub she was standing in, directly towards the window, and she stepped onto the soap. I saw the slip occurring and moved forward to provide assistance as quickly as I could, but her feet slid out from under her before I could catch her. Her arms flung out to catch herself and pushed back from the wall, and I found myself catching her legs under my arms as she pushed back into me.

I can't quite understand how it was that my cock slipped directly into her, all the way, as you've always found it difficult to get my cock into you, haven't you, Penelope? Nonetheless it slipped right in. She was already wet, inside and out, and my cock went deep inside of her. She made a sound then that I've only heard once from you Penelope. It was that time you had too much champagne, and I'd had just enough.

You probably won't remember this. Because you were unconscious. Remember the Archmore's anniversary party? You fell asleep in a room off the conservatory. Or perhaps you fell asleep in the middle of Archmore fucking you. All I know is that I came upon you being fucked by Archmore while you were asleep. I watched until he finished. You didn't wake up. He left.

I was so angry at you then Penelope. I know you. I knew you would try to use your degradation against me somehow. Blame me for it. 'Where were you?' or 'Maybe I liked it' or the worst 'I'm having his baby.'

For the first time ever, I became engorged just looking at you. A stupid slut, vapid, drunk. Used. Archmore had left you exposed, designer pants pulled down to just above your knees. Just enough to expose your pussy and asshole and thighs. I saw the vacant half-smile on your face.

I took Archmore's place, awkward above you. I spread your buttocks with my hands and spit angrily onto your anus. Then I put my cock into your ass Penelope. I made sure I had my aim right, then I just fucking stuck you with it, Penelope. My spit got me a little of the way, my anger got me the rest.

It was then that you made that sound. For a second I forgot how much I hate you. Then you snorted, and snored, and I fucked your ass mercilessly until I started coming deep inside you. I pulled out and splashed your pussy and ass and back with semen. I knelt over you for a while as I recovered and you just kept snoring. As I left the room I surprised Archmore and a few of his cronies in the act of opening the door. I must admit their awkwardness was entertaining.

I reassured them that while you were sleeping I was sure you would appreciate their attentions. I don't remember what time you came home that night.

But, I digress. What I was trying to say was that despite the random circumstance, the slapstick happenstance of the thing, as my dick slid directly into the deepest part of her, she made a beautiful sound.

We remained there for an instant, and it was joyful. Then her arms began slipping down the tiled wall. In an attempt to stop her face smashing into the bathtub, I pulled her hips backward. Somehow I thrust deeper into her. I could not help it Penelope, it was an accident. I swear.

Somehow, I'd fallen to my knees, and this woman, this intruder, was unbalanced, torso heavy towards the bathtub floor, my dick deep inside her, her hands scrabbling for purchase against the wall and floor of the tub. I leant forward repeatedly to help her regain her balance, but only succeeded in thrusting my cock inside her and out. I could not reach but I kept trying Penelope. Imagine it. I just couldn't reach solid ground to balance this woman, though I tried, and while trying I just happened to fuck her. I was trying to help her Penelope. But actually, I was fucking her. It was an accident.

We both tried to extricate ourselves from that position for some time. Though I tried, I could not stand from my kneeling position. All my attempts to stand just pushed my cock deeper into her. She was awakwardly bent over the edge of the bathtub, and whenever she pushed backwards to lever herself up, it just pushed my cock deeper into her. Fruitlessly trying to escape, we rythmically thrust our hips towards each other. Perhaps if we'd gotten the rhythm right we might have extricated ourselves before she had achieved a screaming, frenzied orgasm. Unfortunately, Penelope, it was not to be.

This beautiful girl came hard on my dick. The dick you called "that thing" Penelope. You know, I would have been happy enough with 'THE Thing' Penelope. I would have been happy enough.

Despite both of ourselves, she came hard on my dick. Her hips and ass quivered like an earthquake, and she gripped me hard with her pussy, and she made sounds like heaven.

It was only then that she relaxed enough to stop fighting gravity. I was able to stand and lift her to stand also. I was still hard inside her, so as we stood together she gasped and stood on her tippy toes.

Only then had I the opportunity to push her down a little, in order to retrieve my cock from her pussy. She remained bent at the waist, her hands on her thighs, panting.

As you probably imagine Penelope, I was mortified. After all, I'm a sexless automaton, aren't I Penelope? When that little minx smiled at me, and smiled at my still erect cock, and sank to her knees to take it into her mouth, you might be happy to know that I was thinking of that cock sinking into your unlubricated ass. It wasn't long before I began to come in slow waves. She swallowed two pulses then pulled my dick onto her face, and I watched my semen shoot across her face twice before she pulled it back into her mouth to nurse it and herself.

For a while there, Penelope, we remained within something glorious. A mutual respect. A mutual enjoyment. It wasn't degrading, Penelope, though it may have been accidental. The accidental nature of it merely accentuated the connection. Because that's what it was, Penelope. It was a connection. A real, emotional, spiritual, physical connection, Penelope! You have no idea the understanding, and the affection, and the secrets this woman provides to me!

So, to answer your letter, no. No, I will not give up my interest in alchemy. No, I will not stop smoking opium, I am still seeking the divine spark! And NO! I will NOT marry you! You can fuck off!

I fucked a MERMAID Penelope! A fucking MERMAID! You can go FUCK YOURSELF!

Yours Sincerely,

Montegue Montgomery, Esq, MF, MFF, PHD