When I was 25 years old, I hated my life. I hated my job, I hated my roommates, I hated the city I lived in, the food I ate, the way I looked, and just about everything else around me. It’s not totally my fault, though. I was surrounded by hate and negativity all the time. My boss hated his job, my roommates hated me and each other, and people online are always complaining about nonsense. The thing that most people don’t realize about negativity, though, is that it takes a very large toll on your body. I was always exhausted, from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. But somehow, I couldn’t rest. Not when there was always another post to be outraged at or another creator to yell at me through the screen. Hate is always just one scroll away; that’s why I decided I needed to leave.

I first heard about Lady Love’s Commune from a flyer on a lamppost downtown. It was one of the rare moments when I was not staring at my phone, trying to briefly forget my anger and exhaustion. Standing out among the black-and-white “Help Wanted” and “Room for Rent” ads, the brightly colored poster featured the silhouettes of naked men and women embracing each other. Above them read the words “Let your spirit Love again! Come, Love the World around you! Let your Deepest Love shine!” I initially dismissed it as random hippie nonsense. Besides, I had always heard about “communes” turning into creepy cults. I wanted no part of that. But for some reason, I couldn’t forget that poster.

About a month later, not on purpose but certainly not accidentally, I wandered by the same lamppost. The flyer was gone, replaced by an unremarkable ad for a body shop. A wave of disappointment washed over me. It felt as if the only color in the world had been washed away by the gloomy, gray hue that consumed everything else in my life. I knew if I wanted to escape, I had to find Lady Love. Something told me that she would be able to heal me and let me live a life without anger or hatred. And so, without telling a soul, I hopped on the bus and left the city.

The bus dropped me off at a station about 30 miles outside city limits. It had been years since I spent any time in the woods. The smell of the pine brought me back to the summer I turned 19; I met a woman, probably around 29 or 30, while hiking alone. She struck me as very certain, as if she always had a destination in mind, unlike the vague wandering I was accustomed to. She told me about a hidden swimming hole with both cold and hot springs. I suggested we go together, and she led us there. We spent the night together by the water, and when she left the next morning, I realized I had never asked her name. I hadn’t thought about that in a long time. I had never felt certain about anything since that night.

I walked about two miles from the bus station before I saw anyone. There was a small convenience store behind some trees just off the road. I wondered if a person driving would even be able to notice it. I walked in and greeted the old woman at the counter.

“Hello,” I said softly.

“Well hello, young man,” she said with a smile. “How can I help you?”

“I need directions,” I replied.

“I figured as much. You’ve still got that city aroma. I could smell you coming from a hundred feet away!” I laughed, although I wasn’t really sure what she meant.

“Do you know where the commune is?” I asked. I didn’t even consider whether or not the woman knew about it or would be willing to talk about it.

“Need to get away, huh?” she asked. “That’s alright. We’ve all got things chasing us sometimes. I can drop you off, if you’d like.” I knew better than to accept a ride from a stranger. I also knew better than to go looking for a “commune” in the woods, but here I was.

“That would be great, thank you.” I replied. The woman led me around back and started up an old, beat-up car. It had definitely seen better days. To my surprise, the woman didn’t speak another word for the entire 20 minute ride deeper into the woods. She stopped the car at the intersection of two dirt roads with a sign that said “Lady Love’s.” I figured this was as far as she was willing to go.

“It’s about a ten minute walk that way,” she said.

“Thank you.”

I watched her turn around and drive away before I started walking. That small stretch of road was full of animal life; squirrels scurried up trees, a fox trotted across the road, and birds sang from their nests. I could already feel myself becoming more grounded and aware of my place within the world. It’s funny what one small walk in nature can do for you.

“Hey!” I looked up. A girl, probably around 18 or 19, was walking towards me. She looked as I would have expected; a long, flowy skirt, a small, strapless top, no bra, and a floral crown in her hair.

“Hello,” I said shyly, not knowing whether I would be welcome in the commune.

“You must be looking for Lady Love’s,” she said as she caught up to me. “It’s been a while since we had a visitor.”

“I am,” I replied. “Look, this may sound strange, but… I have no idea why I’m here.” The girl laughed.

“It’s okay, that’s the point.”

“The point of what?”

“Of all of this!” She gestured broadly. I didn’t understand. “Let me show you around.” She took my hand and led me further down the road until we came upon the commune. It was an impressive collection of wood huts, garden plots, and tipi-like tents. There were all sorts of people about. It seemed busy, but there must not have been more than 100 people in total.

“This is… amazing,” I said.

“Much better than those skyscrapers you're used to, huh?” She said, laughing. “Oh, I’m Moon, by the way.”

“I’m…” I don’t know why I hesitated.

“How about we call you River?”

“That… sounds nice.” River. That was my name.

Moon gave me a tour of the commune, showing off the wells and prosperous gardens that kept the place alive. She introduced me to many of the residents, but it was difficult to remember everyone’s names. When Moon mentioned going for a long hike to see a lake, I had to remind myself why I came.

“Moon, maybe you can help me,” I said. “I actually know why I’m here.”

“You do?” she asked with an eyebrow raised,

“Yes. I need to speak to Lady Love. I feel like she can help me, you see I’m always angry and tired but I can’t sleep, and…”

“River,” she said, cutting me off. “You’ve met Lady Love. You just forgot.”

“What? I don’t understand.”

“I said you’ve already met her. Nobody comes here without already knowing her.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean at some point in your life you felt her- love, that is. I don’t know with who or when or where, but I know you felt her. You came here because you want to find her again. And I think I can help with that.”

“The woman? From so many years ago? Is that what you mean?”

“Maybe. I can’t say for sure. If this woman was someone special to you, who made you feel more… awake, then yes. But Lady Love isn’t the person, she’s the experience you shared and the emotions they left you with. You were lost, River, just like all of us. But that is why we have this commune, to help each other find her again. Come with me.” Moon grabbed my hand and led me to one of the tipis. It had a scene of a waterfall under a moonlit sky painted on the side. She brought me in and tied the flap closed behind us. It was quite roomy in there, with a large bed made out of straw and animal hide on the ground. One beeswax candle was lit to the side. 

I sat, admiring the tipi as Moon handed me a small, blueish leaf from a bag. She took another and started chewing it. I did the same.

“This is called Lagneia. It’s a natural aphrodisiac native to this part of the country. In fact, the commune was built here because of an abundance of it in these woods.” I should have been worried that a strange girl gave me a plant I had never heard of to chew on, but I wasn’t. Moon had been very kind to me that day and seemed to understand me better than anyone else I had ever met. I stared at her as we sat in silence. I was finally starting to notice her in greater detail; her hair was dark and curly, and her face was dotted with freckles. She had inviting green eyes, almost like they were a reflection of the woods she called home. Her skin was pale, and, despite all the time she spent outside, not a speck of dirt could be seen on it. She was skinny, but clearly healthy. Her feet were tiny but cute, and despite having gone without shoes all day, were also somehow completely clean. Her clothes didn’t seem manufactured; it was like they came straight from nature. I wondered what lay under them. Her breasts were not large, but you could tell they were there. She was small in general, probably no taller than 5’ 2”. I imagined picking her up and throwing her on the straw mat. 

“I can tell it’s working for you,” Moon said through a giggle, interrupting my train of thought. “You have that look.”

“What look?” I asked.

“Like you’re about to have your favorite dinner after fasting all day.”

“Oh, sorry… I didn’t mean to stare.”

“No, it’s okay.” Moon moved closer to me and put a hand on my leg. “This is what I’m here for.” Without warning, she kissed me. It was a deep, passionate kiss. I wasn’t sure whether it was the Lagneia messing with my mind, but it felt as if our energy became one. As we made out, it seemed that the effects of the aphrodisiac became stronger with touch. I needed to be closer to Moon.

“Moon,” I said between kisses. “I need to feel your body close to mine.” She reached her hands above her head and I took her top off her. Her nipples were a beautiful pink color, sitting firmly on her tits. I kissed her from her neck down to her chest and began to suck on them. Moon took my shirt off me and moaned into my ears. I put a hand on her ass and squeezed. It wasn’t huge, but it was round and fit her small size nicely. Without a word, Moon took her skirt off. I put a hand on her leg and started caressing her inner thigh. With every movement closer to her pussy, she let out a more intense moan. I noticed she had no underwear. By this point, my cock was practically bursting through my pants. Moon had been rubbing it over my clothes the whole time. She undid my belt and took my pants and underwear off. She kissed me one last time and moved her head down to suck my dick. Her mouth was so wet that every movement up and down created a loud slurping sound. She didn’t seem to care if the rest of the commune could hear us. Neither did I. 

“Oh my God, that feels so good,” I moaned out.

“Mm-hmm,” Moon said, unable to form proper words with my dick in her mouth.

I was getting close to cumming so I grabbed her head off my dick and leaned in to kiss her again. Knowing her mouth was just on my dick made me feel so connected to her. I picked her up and laid on her back on the straw mat and began kissing her inner thighs. I could see that she was already soaking wet. I put my mouth over her clit and began to lick and suck on it. Her moaning grew even louder when I stuck two fingers in her.

“Oh, fuck!” she yelled. “You’re gonna make me cum… fuck, ah… shit…” Her legs began to shake and her pussy contracted around my fingers. She was unbelievably wet. I got up and grabbed my cock. I teased her with it before she begged me to stop. “Please, please, just fuck me already, please!” I stuck my cock in her sweet, pink pussy. It was so warm that my whole body felt like it was wrapped in the coziest blanket on Earth. She was tight, but I could still comfortably thrust in and out. I kissed her as I fucked her, stifling her moans. Feeling her pussy grip around my entire cock as I went all the way in made me moan louder than ever. It felt like we were truly one soul in that moment, with no beginning or end to each of our bodies. Every thrust was part of an infinite cycle of connection between us. Soon, Moon was cumming again with me inside her. Her juices flowed up and down my cock and her walls gripped tighter than ever. I could barely handle it anymore and told her I was about to finish.

“Fuck, don’t hold back,” she said. “Cum inside me. Fill me up, please! I want to be dripping with your cum!” With those words, I exploded inside her. I came harder than I ever thought was possible. Her pussy kept gripping my dick, trying to extract every last drop of cum from my body. 

“Holy fuck,” I said, breathless. As I was starting to take my dick out of her pussy, Moon spoke.

“Hold on, don’t take it out. Lie down next to me.” I positioned myself so we were on our sides facing each other, my cock still in her pussy full of my cum. I was still throbbing inside her. She wrapped her legs and arms around me and kissed me again. We closed our eyes and slept there together, as one soul and body. This was what I had been searching for. This was where I belonged.