Alright, before I get started, I am aware that sounds ridiculous, but I swear, it did happen, it is one hundred percent true. And, sorry to disappoint, it wasn’t a threesome. I think that would be too weird for me to be honest.

It’s Jessica’s 23rd birthday party. We all go out, meet at the pub, drink there for a few hours, go on to the club, then back to Carly’s. Her Mum was away for the night, so we had the run of the place. You know how it goes? I think we started with a group of about twenty or so, and there I think eight of us made it to Carly’s? No, wait, it was nine, I forgot Dougie.

So there’s nine of us there, we’re all getting fucked up. There’s tequila flowing, along with a few substances less, ahem, legal. People are slowly dropping out, falling asleep, going home. And it gets to the point that it’s just me, Carly, Ollie and Meg left awake. And Meg asks Carly if she can use the spare room, and Carly’s like sure, so Meg takes Ollie by the hand and leads him up to the room, so now it’s just me and Carly.

Carly’s hot, she’s short, in great shape. Black hair, blue eyes, big tits and a nice ass. She was wearing this white strapless top and tight black miniskirt that night, but then she always dresses slutty on nights out. 

I know what you’re thinking, I made a pass at her, right? Wrong. You see, Carly is best friends with Rachel. And by this stage myself and Rachel are well and truly over. We’re doing an ok job staying friends, but Carly is most definitely on team Rachel in that one. And she and I haven’t talked much since the breakup, and she’s just staring at me, and I’m expecting to get shit from her. I don’t even mind, I know I did enough to deserve my share. I figure I might as well get it over with, so I just ask, what?

You know what she says to me?

She says, can I see it?

And I’m like, see what?

And she says, Zack, can I see your cock?

And I can tell you, it shoots right up when she says that, even though I can’t quite believe what I’ve heard. I ask her, what the fuck are you talking about?

She’s just grinning at me, and she says Rachel always boasted about how big my cock was, and she was just curious, and she’d make it worth my while. She pulls her top down and shows me her big, gorgeous tits, and she says it's your turn.

I fucking stand right up, and my fingers are shaking as I undo my belt, and I pull my trousers down and I’m at full mast. Her eyes light up, she certainly seems impressed. I sit back down on the armchair, and she stands up and comes over to me, like she’s spell bound. She can’t take her eyes off of it, and she grips it in her hand, gives it a couple of tugs, and then she asks, can we fuck?

And of course, as soon as I can process it, I nod.

She tells me not to tell Rachel, and she pulls up her miniskirt over her hips, and she pulls her panties aside, and I can see her beautiful, bald, tight little pussy. She giggles and explains she shaved cos she wanted to get fucked that night. And she climbs on top of me and lowers herself onto it and it slips right in.

So I’m inside Carly while Andy and Tony are fast asleep on couches next to us! I moan, oh fuck, and she puts a finger on my lips, and whispers to be quiet. And then she gives me a quick kiss on the lips, and grins at me while she starts working.

She feels amazing. She’s going up and down, sliding me in and out of her, and I have to bite my thumb to stop myself from crying out. She Takes it out though and pulls my head down to her tit instead. She holds my head against her breast with one hand, and I’m sucking on her nipple, and she’s moaning very softly. She reaches her other hand down between her bodies and starts to rub her clit. And I let go of her tit so I can watch her face. She kisses me again, and then she closes her eyes and looks like she’s concentrating, and then I feel her pussy tighten on my cock as I watch her body start jerking. She collapses on top of me while she recovers.

She looks thrilled with herself, and she asks if I’m close, and I admit with all the booze and drugs, I don’t think I’m going to cum with her on top. And she takes that as a fucking challenge. She puts her arms around my neck and just starts going at it, fucking rocking her hips as fast as she can on top of me, a look of delight on her face. 

And I realise it feels way too good, I’m not going to last very long, and I tell her that, and she just keeps going. She doesn’t give a fuck. She just keeps going, fucking me as hard as she can, and I’m in heaven there under her. I can feel the orgasm about to hit, and I’m doing my best to hold back, but she says she wants me to cum in her slutty pussy, and that’s the end of it for me, I just close my eyes and unload inside her.

When I open them she’s delighted with herself. She kisses me on the cheek, and says thanks, and she stands up and fixes herself up. I’m just sitting there with my cock out. And I tell her, we should do that again sometime, and she says fuck no, she’s not doing that behind Rachels back twice. And I ask if I can come to bed with her to sleep at least, and she scoffs, absolutely not.

There are two couches and they’re occupied by sleepers already, so I’m like, where do I sleep? And Carly tells me, that’s my fucking problem, isn’t it? Sleep on the floor, go home, I don’t give a fuck. And then she smirks and says, goodnight Zack, and she goes to bed.

So I curl up on the armchair, but it’s awkward, I don’t fit anyway properly. I try the floor, but it’s cold and it’s hard, and I’m drunk and tired, and I can’t sleep. I check my watch and it’s five AM. I close my eyes, and try to relax, clear my mind, and nothing works. I can’t sleep. After what feels like forever I check my watch again and it’s Five Oh Five. And I’m like, fuck this, I can’t spend the night here.

And I realise, there’s a free room upstairs. Now, we were all warned to stay away from Carly’s Mum’s room earlier, but at this point I don’t give a fuck. I’m tired and moody and I just want to sleep. I get up and I make my way upstairs, and there are three bedrooms, right? I happen to remember which one Carly’s is, and I can hear Ollie pounding away at Meg a through the door of another one, so by process of elimination I find Carly’s Mum’s room. I let myself in, strip naked - Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t have, but that’s how I like to sleep and I was fucked up, I wasn’t thinking straight - and I collapse on my stomach.

The next thing I remember is being woken up by Carly’s Mum.

You’ve never met Carly’s Mum, have you? She’s fucking sexy. She looks like Carly, but bigger tits, bigger ass, tighter waist, and she’s got that cougar quality about her as much as any other lady I’ve met. She had Carly when she was a teenager, so she’s younger than you’d think, I think she’s about forty or so. 

It was about seven AM, I’d only been asleep for two hours or so. She told me after she had been on a date with a guy that night, and he gave her the shittiest fuck of her life, and she was lying next to him, unable to sleep, and she said to herself, fuck it, Carly’s party must be done, I’m going home.

She was wearing this sexy blue dress. It had plenty of cleavage, and it was short and tight. Her legs, her curves and her big juicy tits all on display.

So Phoebe, that’s her actual name by the way, just walked into her bedroom, turned on the light and found my naked, unconscious ass staring at her. She was understandably pissed off.

So the next thing I know I’m being woken up by her asking me, in a loud, angry tone WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

That wakes me right the fuck up. I literally just flip over onto my back. I’m hungover and exhausted, I’ve no idea what I’m doing. And my cock is flopping as I do so, and her eyes just lock onto it and her jaw drops.

So I’m on my back, frightened, staring at her, full of adrenaline, and she’s just staring at my flaccid cock with an open mouth. And she looks up at me and says, are you Zack?

And I said yeah.

And she says, You’re Rachel’s ex?

Yeah.

She tells me, I recognise you from the stories Carly’s told me.

Stories?

She says, Carly said Rachel said your cock was enormous. I can see what she meant.

And I ask, Carly told you about that?

She says Carly tells me everything. And then she turns around and tells me to make myself useful and to unzip her dress, which I do. And she just peels her dress off, and she’s standing there in front of me in her unmentionables.

She’s wearing this tiny fucking g-string right, and her huge ass just swallows it. I’m looking at her standing there and my cock gets hard right away.

She turns back and I can see her tits spilling out the top of her bra now, and she gets this wide grin when she sees my cock is hard. She reaches back to unclasp her bra, and I ask her what she’s doing, and she just says it’s her room, she can take her clothes off if she wants to. She frees her massive tits, and she quickly slips her g-string off, and then she asks, can we fuck?

And I’m like, but, you're my friend’s Mum?

And she says, it’s ok, it’s not like you’ve fucked Carly, is it? I’m not Rachel’s Mum. Just keep it to yourself, OK?

So, I’m still drunk, still tired, not in my right frame of mind, and this gorgeous cougar is eye-fucking my cock and wants to fuck me, and all I have to do is one little lie of omission.

So I say, OK.

She lies on the bed next to me and spreads her legs and tells me to get between them. I get on my knees and as I get acquainted with her pussy, I can’t stop thinking it looks just like Carly’s.

I slide a couple of fingers in and out of her and I lick on her clit in time with it, and she’s fucking soaking, she is gagging for it. I go down for a little bit, and then she’s just begging me to fuck her. I move up and press the tip to her opening, and her eyes go wide as I slide it all the way inside her. If anything she felt even tighter than her daughter.

She was loud, she was screaming and crying out while I fucked her. She had both arms around me when she came hard, she just held me down against her. I fucked her as hard as I could, and she kept begging me to go harder and harder. Eventually I filled her up, like I had her daughter a couple of hours earlier.

I passed out again after that and woke up next to her a few hours later. We chatted for a bit, then she asked if she could suck my cock, which, like, I wasn’t going to say no to, was I. I spread my legs so she could lie down between them, and I watched this beautiful older woman wrap her lips around my cock, and slowly slide them up and down my shaft. I didn’t last very long, before I knew it I was emptying my balls into her mouth.

A few days later Carly calls me up and tells me she tested positive for an STI, and to get myself checked, and she knows it’s unlikely because it’s only been a few days and she knows I’m not a degenerate manwhore, but if I’ve been with anyone in the meantime I need to tell them ASAP. I thanked her and I was fucking dreading calling her Mum, but I figured I had to, it’s the right thing to do, right?

So I call up Phoebe and I’m stumbling over my words, trying to explain it to her, when I hear the two of them burst out laughing. Phoebe had me on speaker phone. Turns out they’d ended up comparing notes, they knew I’d fucked both of them and they thought it’d be hilarious to put me on the spot like that. Thank Christ they were only fucking with me.

So, yeah, turns out they weren’t upset about me fucking them both. Carly told me later that she was happy her Mum was happy, while Phoebe told me that she thought it made for a funny story, though she admitted there weren’t too many people she could tell that one to.

What’s that? Well, ok, yes, I did end up fucking both of them again on subsequent, separate evenings, but I’m afraid those are stories for another time.