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This is an ongoing series.

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A tale of my depressing marriage

To understand my otherworldly bond with Molly and my hatred towards my wife Lexie, you need to understand all of us better. So let’s get into it. 

Like I said I became motherless at the age of eight. My dad was still around but he may as well not have been. I grew up with a low self esteem, helpless and confused. I did not ever think I was worthy of keeping a woman, though I had no problems on the sexual front. It was just that I could not respect any of the women I fucked and did not think I was good enough to keep someone who would be a good mother and was also good in bed. I just thought it was my curse and resorted to having casual sex throughout college even though the one thing I knew I wanted the most for as long as I could remember was having a family of my own. One that I would build. A family that I would pay for with my hard earned labor, I would expand with my seed and for which I would be dutifully rewarded by my loving, sensible and capable wife. 

Everything changed when I met Lexie in senior year of college. I met her at a party and I could barely speak to her when I saw her rounded curvy body wrapped in what was for all purposes, a perfectly modest dress. The neckline did not show any cleavage, but the material of her dress clung to her boobs that sent my mind racing. The clingy fabric curved inwards as it hugged her waist before billowing out across her ass. She had the hourglass figure of my dreams. As she made small talk with me, it was all I could do to not hold her ass with both my hands. I wanted to pick her up and hold her in a comfortable position, so she could cling to me and keep talking about the most boring things in the world for as long as she wanted. 

Lexie was ambitious and confident and I liked that about her. And for some reason, she was interested in me. After that first night, she came over to my dorm building, pretending that she did not know I lived there. She said she had come with her friend whose brother lived in the building. There was no friend in sight and I let her in my room. That was when I knew that she was also physically attracted to me. I kept a lean body, regularly worked out on top of playing tennis and football, so it made sense. Earlier at the party, Lexie had been talking to me about her career ambitions in consulting and I had told her that I was also interested in the same. In my room, she again started on that tedious topic, going on about how amazing the lives of consultants were with all the traveling and money. In my head, I laughed at her naivety. If only she knew what was waiting for her out in the real career world. I had many older cousins and friends who all said that their life went to shit since they graduated. She said she couldn’t wait to finally have money of her own and not have to depend on her parents. This excited me, because I felt I could help ease her burden. I wanted to provide for her so that she wouldn’t have to work too hard.

This time, it really was impossible for me to not stare at her boobs. Like the shameless asshole I am, I went for her boobs grabbing them and massaging them while she was mid sentence. I whispered softly with my mouth against her neck, “I am so sorry Lexie. I really mean no disrespect but I just could not resist myself. You are so fucking sexy and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your tits since I first met you.” My words made her shiver and I took that as a sign of her enjoying it. I kept working her boobs which were at least D-cups and starting licking her neck, alternating between soft kisses, bites and long strokes with my tongue until I reached her earlobes. I bet it all proved to be too much for her and she sprang out of my grasp and rushed to the door. I knew I had fucked up. I was already beating myself over for not practicing better restraint, for not being a good boy. If there was one thing I was known for, it was my impeccable manners. 

She took one look at me as I sat there helplessly with my huge bulge on full display in between my legs. Before I could say anything, she was out of the door. I really felt like I messed up my life’s biggest opportunity to make my dream come true and I grew depressed. I was so embarrassed I didn’t even try to contact her after that incident.

I didn’t have to wait that long since two days later, in the middle of the night, I woke up to a knock at my door. Half asleep, I opened the door and it was Lexie standing there. I couldn’t believe it and thought I was still dreaming. She started talking and I had no idea what was going on. I asked her to repeat herself. Turns out she wanted to come inside my room. When that registered in my head, my eyes widened and I took a proper look at her. My soon to be wife was wearing the most boring looking, prudish pajama set that I had ever seen. It was a brown and white checkered shirt and pants suit that maybe an old sexless widow would have picked up from a garage sale. At that moment I felt simultaneously repulsed by her and overcome by a strange sense of affection. She clearly was not here to seduce me but was forced to come here out of her own desperation and need. I knew girls like that, but none who held themselves with the poise that Lexie did. I told her my roommate was sleeping on his bed and she looked shy but said, “we don’t have to do anything.” 

Like fuck we didn’t. I took her hand and led her to my bed. She laid on her side and I curled up behind her. I moved against her as I felt myself getting harder. I grabbed her boobs from the back, and oh how I enjoyed feeling those pillowy, firm balls in my hands. I massaged them and squished them to my heart’s content and started humping her back like a dog. I was embarrassed but could not bring myself to slow down. I was acting like I had never touched a female body before, and that's exactly how my Lexie made me feel. I loved the innocence of this whole interaction. I didn’t want to break it so soon. I never lifted her clothes, I never took off mine. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t keep having fun. We made out for ages, kissing and licking each other’s faces, necks and ears. And then finally I lifted her thick curvy body above me and had her straddle me. In the darkness of my dorm room as my roommate slept comfortably in his bed, my future wife rode me with a ferocity I did not know she possessed till then. I don’t know if it was the hardness of my cock against what I am sure was her dripping pussy that made her inner sexual goddess come alive or if she was always a little slut.

I didn’t bother to ask because I didn’t care. I wasn’t even inside her and it was the best ride of my life. I was so close to coming, I couldn't believe it and I told her. “Oh my god Lexie, don’t make me come in my pants,” I cooed like an inexperienced teenage boy. That seemed to only make her bounce harder and faster on me. She leaned her face down while continuing the same pace and whispered in my ears, “I know you’re a good boy Jacob. You deserve to come. Don’t be afraid to make a mess, I’ll clean it all up.” At that moment coming for her felt like my life’s biggest mission but I was worried I wouldn’t be able to without feeling her on my raw dick. Any part of her would do… As she kept grinding against me, I held her by her hips and moved her a bit so I could free my dick. I started moving my hand - cupped around my pre-cum dripping cock - vigorously. Lexie quickly got the hint and replaced my hand with hers as she kept riding my balls and whispering in my ears, “come for me Jacob, come for me my good boy, come for me”. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and proceeded to make the biggest mess of my life. My pants. Her pants. My bedsheets. 

I grabbed a dirty t-shirt from my laundry basket and gave it to her nervously. She made good on her promise and reached inside my pants to wipe my dick clean. She took her time and I caressed her head and played with her hair as she did. “You’re so good to me” I told her. I then took the drier end of the cloth and tried to mop her up inside her pants as well. There was no chance for us to go to sleep on my bed as I had to change my bedsheets and we both needed to shower. She went off to her dorm room and I stripped my bed clean. 

From that day onwards, I started thinking of Lexie as my wife. Even though we didn’t even officially start dating until a few months later. But it’s the only way I felt good about my sexual urges - by knowing that it was all for my wife. Nobody was more deserving of my desire than her. Since I was a little boy I wanted to be taken care of. Then I grew up and wanted to become a provider. In Lexie, I knew that I could find the perfect overlap of my needs and wants. Anyone who tells you that marriage or love is more than just sex is either lying, completely delusional or has the most boring life on earth. Sex is love and love is sex. I would not fall in love with Lexie unless I knew I could create the perfect sexual dynamic with her. And the perfect sexual dynamic with her was only possible because of all her other qualities. As I got to know her more, I found out how caring, generous and thoughtful she was. She was diligent with her work and she put equal effort into her school work, friendships and me. It was only when I took all of that into account did I truly admire and respect her and knew that I wanted her to be the mother of my children. Sure, I thought of her as my wife to satiate my twisted catholic guilt about sex long before I knew her properly. But I take that as a sign of God’s greater plan. I fell in love with her slowly and deeply, with all parts of her. Getting to know her made me want her even more, so in my eyes there was no line to be drawn between love and sex. 

After we graduated, everything happened as I expected. Lexie quickly became exhausted with the demands of corporate life and I provided a safe space for her. I told her she had nothing to worry about, that she could lean on me and I would take care of her. “There’s no need for you to be involved in this rat race when you have me babe.” We got married soon after. 

Everything was bliss for the next few years. Lexie gave me two children and I never loved her more than when I was trying to impregnate her. I felt that by fathering our children I had achieved the true purpose of my life. Little did I know how things could change. We had always said that we wanted three children. When our second baby turned two years old, I told her that we should start trying again but Lexie showed no interest. In fact I sensed a coldness in her indifferent response, “Maybe” and it scared me. 

A week later Lexie told me that she wanted to go back to work. I was shocked. Now, I always wanted to support her. It’s just that I did not think she enjoyed work and ever wanted to go back to it. For the past five years I had seen her blossom as a homemaker and a stay at home wife. Is it a crime for a husband to lust after his wife who waited so eagerly to greet him when he came home? Just like I had found my true calling as the leader of this household, I felt like Lexie had become the best version of herself as a mother.

I was at a loss for words and blurted out, “But why?” 

This angered her. She went on a long monologue about how frustrated she had become at home and could no longer differentiate between her identity as a mother and as an individual. I frankly didn’t understand any of it. But more than anything I wanted her happiness.

I said, "Okay, if this is what you want, this is what we will do. Her consultancy job would require her to travel every week. I was scared of how our lives were going to change. But Lexie was my wife. She had made my dream come true and I knew I would support her till the day I died. 

Now, you might be wondering why I started hating her. I had no idea how hard it would be to actually support her throughout this entire life change when I told her I would. With every passing day, week, and month I felt Lexie’s love for me and the life we built for ourselves wane. I resented her for checking out of it. We had walked into this together, hand in hand, but suddenly she had left me all alone and wandered far away.

My days became filled with anxiety and dread. I felt the helplessness and the lost feelings from my youth return. The stuff I had tried so hard to run away from, worked so hard to build a fortress in which I could not be harmed. So tell me, wouldn’t you hate the woman who promised to be by your side forever if she gave up protecting you one day?

You can tell me I am a grown independent man who should not depend on his wife so heavily, but that’s just not who I am. I live to be needed. I live to be cared for. And then I return the favor tenfold, in affection and protection. That’s just who I am and I started to accept it. As I began to know Molly more deeply, I knew that knew that for the rest of my life I would do anything to keep her happy, in whatever capacity she wanted. I came home from a long After all Molly had never asked for anything from me. She had never promised me anything. Yet she gave and gave out of the kindness of her heart, unprompted.

There was a specific moment in which I pledged my eternal devotion to Molly. I hadn't even touched her yet. I had come home late, after a tiring and frustrating day in the office. My mood worsened as I thought that despite doing all this hard work, I didn't even have a wife to prepare a hot meal for me. I took out a can of soup and poured into a bowl to heat in the microwave. In my irritation and hurriedness, I dropped the bowl of hot liquid and it crashed to the ground in pieces and spilled all over me. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK THIS SHIT." I yelled.

Out of nowhere, a voice appeared. "Mr. White, what are you doing? Let me take care of it" Molly said like the angel she was. I had forgotten that she was home and I felt a cold sensation run through my whole body at the sound of her voice, calming me down. I stayed glued in place, as she cleaned up all the mess around me. I was literally just standing there, frozen, as she was bent down, her perky little ass up in the air, mopping with a cloth for a good while. Needless to say, my manhood displayed itself and I didn't try to hide my rising erection that perched just above her face. She then pulled out a chair and sat me down like nothing happened. She served me dinner that she reheated on the stove. A nice home cooked meal. Afterwards, I went to the downstairs bathroom - the one Molly used and saw that she had left her panty hanging on the clothes rack. It was a pretty little white thing with colorful tiny flowers printed on them. I couldn’t wait any longer and unzipped myself, wrapping my cock in Molly's underwear and I rubbed one out as I held on to the wall, my eyes shut tight, imagining that I was fucking Molly’s soft mouth as well as thinking of how much I hated my wife which only made me harder.