Hi there!

I'm u/driftingoneiros. I'm looking for some feedback on a script I wrote. While I have some prior experience with hypnosis (recording a couple of general hypnosis sessions for myself and a drop of recreational hypnosis a while ago), this is my first time on this side of the proverbial pocket watch. Criticism is obviously welcome; I am looking to learn. I'll probably record this sometime for myself as well to see how it sounds and feels, but hopefully I can get feedback from some people more experienced than me.

Generally, I'd like to know if the induction and deepener work, or might be too overdone/flows poorly, and if the scene seems to work and follows good consent principles, etc.

If anyone actually wants to record this, I'd be honoured! Feel free!

https://scriptbin.works/u/driftingoneiros/a4a-pleasantly-frozen-and-bound-frozen-bondage

At best, the script works well and I mainly have to work on not relying on a script while I learn more. I actually wrote this one because I didn't like how a freeform recording turned out, so I decided to improve the script. If I have to form a script at the same time, my pace is simply glacial sometimes. Probably something that improves with experience? Anyways, I added quite a bit, and so long as the flow works, I think it's better now.

At worst? Well, I suppose at worst I have even more to learn.

I'd appreciate any feedback. Regardless, have a good day or night, and thanks for reading my post.

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Edit:

There are certainly better scripts available than mine, but I recorded this for myself and tried it out, so here goes for enhancing learning with meta-cognition: Generally, I thought it was alright but for some mistakes.

However, the deepeners are overdone. At 26 minutes, this is decidedly long and risks the hypnotee losing the flow and coming up from trance, or being too dissociative for them to enjoy the possible kinkiness of depth. It's likely possible to implement this well, but I didn't get the impression that this one worked out as planned.

In addition, I feel that the later fractionation/confusion elements are poorly timed and just unnecessary so late into the session. Confusion may even mismatch the intended directness of most trance suggestions. While I'm trying to play with some neat ideas here, such as the pattern interrupts of unfinished sentences that transform into direct instructions or implicit associations, with other sorta-NLP stuff that I'll need to learn more about, the implementation is imperfect.

However, it generally works: I was able to enjoy it. Also, the generalised and emphasised "need this" worked better than I hoped at implicitly pairing the kinks (I believe I've strengthened a bondage kink).

Overall fair/5. Good learning experience. I've learned to give preference to context and timing: anything works in the right context, so despite my concerns, slow pacing can work very well. Also, creative techniques are lackluster with bad timing.

I deviated from the script a bit, but that's bound to happen (pun... Partially intended).

And that's my lengthy self-critique!