Perhaps a better title could be "One way that it CAN work in a healthy relationship." I'm not going to get into the mechanism that allows it to function, but rather how agency can be applied in a real world hypnotic setting.

First of all: hypnosis is real. There's no debate in the scientific community about that, and we've known about it for hundreds of years. They were using it for surgeries without anesthesia in the 1800s. But it's hard to nail down any solid facts about how it works, since it's all in your head. It's capable of being many different things for different people, and how you think about it can change how it works for you during your sessions.

Abusive hypnotists can try to erode your personal agency (which is your ability to act for yourself), and if they can convince you that you're helpless, then you will be. This is how most abusive relationships work even without hypnosis. The victim starts to believe either that they can't make it stop, or that they deserve it. A healthy relationship, on the other hand, can last a lifetime because both partners are free to leave. It sounds counterintuitive, but you keep your lover close by allowing them to leave. (Remember that for later)

I've used the analogy of rope bondage before. A healthy hypnotic session can be a lot like letting a trusted partner tie you up. You start with negotiations, and decide what you're doing. You decide on a safeword and then let them tie you up. Maybe that safeword is "hey, can you untie me," and maybe it's an action like "hold this ball -- let go if there's a problem and you need help." It doesn't need to be a literal word, but it's important to have a way to get out in an emergency. I'm going to call that a safeword, but what it really is is an element of self-agency in a situation where you'd otherwise have none. Your agency can also be used to get you deeper INTO the scene. Helping your partner tie you up is an act of agency. You can use it to make yourself more helpless.

So in this scene, you've let them tie you up, and you're hanging upside down from the ceiling wrapped up in a few hundred feet of rope. Are you helpless? Go ahead and struggle... Can you escape? Is there ANYTHING you can do to get yourself out? There really isn't... Except for one thing: you could call out your safeword. But you're not in pain, there's no unexpected danger, and you trust your partner. You're not going to safeword out unless there's a really good reason. Since there's no good reason, you're trapped -- completely.

Let's drop the analogy and talk about hypnosis (good, safe, ethical hypnosis between experienced and skilled partners). You're with a trusted partner, and you discuss the scene ahead of time. You're going to be tied up with hypnotic rope instead of real rope. You'll be just as helpless, even though the ropes are all in your head. You get reminded, not of a safeword, but reminded of your agency. You could imagine it as a safeTHOUGHT or a safeMINDSET. Then you cooperate. You let them hypnotize you. When you feel yourself start to drop, you let it happen because there's no reason to hesitate. You facilitate the process of making you helpless. They describe the imaginary ropes to you. They tell you to feel the coarse texture. They tell you to feel the tightness. Maybe they tell you to SEE ropes wrapping around you. Most of all, they tell you that you can't move. You can struggle, but you're going to feel completely helpless. Then they wake you up.

You awaken from trance with full memory of what was said. It was exactly what you wanted, and as it was said, you were mentally agreeing to it. Now you're awake. You try to move and find that you can't. You struggle. You strain your muscles, but you can't escape. You can feel the coarse tight ropes holding you in place. Maybe you can even see them (either as real, or as a ghostly mirage). You feel completely helpless. But ARE you helpless? Go ahead and struggle. Can you escape? Is there ANYTHING you can do to get yourself out? There really isn't... Except for one thing: you could call the whole thing off. You could decide that you don't trust this person anymore. You could hear the fire alarm go off. You could simply choose to make it be over, if there was a good reason to choose that. But you're not in pain, there's no unexpected danger, and you trust your partner. You're not going to override the suggestion unless there's a really good reason. Since there's no good reason, you're trapped -- completely. You're so well confined because you have the ability to leave.

This describes a healthy scene. It's so incredibly effective because you were able to help them tie you up. You subconsciously knew that you'd be safe in an emergency, so you were able to give up more control. Your agency made you even more helpless. You're playing with someone who gives you absolutely no reason to wonder if it's time to safeword out. When you have no reason to call things off mid-scene, then you DON'T call them off, even if you theoretically could with just a single thought. "This isn't right -- I'm done. No more games. Make it stop for real." Your partner has helped you build up your agency so that inherent power of yours has grown as the sessions you've done have grown more intense. It was easy to resist in the beginning -- heck, suggestions didn't even work half the time, so resisting was nothing. It got harder as you got more comfortable with being controlled, so you needed to practice and grow your agency. Now suggestions are completely inescapable... Until you decide to hit that imaginary "big red button" that gets you out. That's something that nobody can take away from you -- it's YOU and an inherent ability that is there for emergencies.

Whether you want to feel controlled or IN control, practice exercising your agency. Play with people who respect, celebrate, and build your agency as a subject. Agency is what lets you drop successfully for a bumbling hypnotist, and what lets you rest safe in the knowledge that an expert hypnotist won't (intentionally or accidentally) hurt you.

There are creeps in every community, but if you choose your partners well, educate yourself in safe play, and build up your agency, hypnosis can be safe, fun, and a long-term sustainable activity that gets better the longer you play.