This is an offshoot of u/sleepingirl's fairly recent whiteknighting discussion, and past discussions of issues related to abusers. (Please pardon my inability to get the embedded link to work.) https://www.reddit.com/r/EroticHypnosis/comments/12ivirk/lets_talk_about_white_knighting/

Not a new issue, but I couldn't find anything upon searching.

All the community education and focus on safety and care in hypnokink is great, and I love furthering it. Things like safeties (for what they're worth, not failsafe, but helpful), teaching agency (ability to reject/modify suggestions, wake up self, safeword), respecting boundaries as a tist, aftercare etc etc. are all fantastic.

However, there are those whose kink is *precisely* to have no agency, no safewords, no way to resist (the 'C' in CNC given pre-emptively, before engaging with anyone), who rush in headlong, where angels fear to tread, *without* vetting those who aren't safe, because that isn't hot to them. I've spoken with several, who say they feel kinkshamed by the community trying to teach them agency. As a community we teach ethics and boundaries, identify abusers, unsafe files, harmful techniques that disable agency - and while that helps (a lot, for many) to make CNC safer, I see so many who go "oooh, that's hot" and head straight for the danger. Confusing CNC with non-consent. (I really do get CNC! It's my kink too, but with a lot of discrimination and cognisance of that first 'C'.)

I used to whiteknight, out of alarmed concern, until I learned how disrespectful that is. Now I watch helplessly, knowing how doing nothing, only enables abusers. I know I'm a bleeding heart and have *no right* to judge anyone's choices, and maybe I have a saviour complex, but it hurts to see people get hurt and to see abusers get away with hurting. I simply didn't know what to say to the last person (other than "I hear you") who told me "can't you understand how kinkshamed and insulted I feel when my kink is to have the danger of no limits and no agency, with someone who will abuse me - and I just get whiteknighted and educated by tists about agency and risks and dangers?"

Can we just not save some people from themselves? Am I indeed kinkshaming and judging, by even bringing this up? Probably, and this pains me, too. Do we just let it go?

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(Tangentially, and at the risk of stirring up something, I can't help noticing that 3 of the 4 discord servers and chatrooms this subreddit now recommends (after the removal of the EH server), are CNC. Which is great for those who understand the first 'C' in CNC, not so much for those who don't, or don't want to. But that's neither here nor there, for this discussion. Or maybe it is.)