I'm wondering if anyone else has had issues in their marriage or relationship because of your interest in horses. I never, ever thought I'd be in this position and I am absolutely devastated.

(Tl;dr my husband who was initially supportive and involved in my horse ownership is now resentful and jealous, and we are headed for divorce because of it, which I don't want) ETA: he's also repeatedly said no to couples therapy, which is what led me to initiate the separation conversation

I've been horse-crazy since I was a child. I met my partner in college, when I was taking a break from the horse world, but I still talked about them. I made it clear my dream is to have land and keep horses at home. I rode whenever I could afford to. So it's not like he was unaware - he always expressed support and interest.

Then, when we were married I started leasing a horse and he liked her so much he told me to just buy her. She was a cheap rescue horse and I kept her in self care. Over time her costs increased as I moved her to a nicer barn with access to a trainer to continue my learning. He stopped visiting her with me as often because he didn't like the trainer or the new barn. This was tough because I took a part time job there as her assistant and it was kind of my whole world.

Over the years I eventually lost that horse and got another one, again with my husband's support. I went through some health issues and had to stop working as much, as he wouldn't let my sell my horse because it was so important to my mental health. But it did hit us hard financially and he became more and more stressed - to the point he would change the subject if I tried to talk about the barn..

As I became healthy again, I started working full time for barns and he hated it. He didn't like hearing about my day at work because it was horse related, he would belittle my training successes and excitement about my horse's progress, and admitted he felt jealous and resentful of my horse. At one point recently he told me he "didn't sign up to marry a horse girl" and "doesn't like" this version of me.

I was so hurt and devastated I told him I want a divorce and we're in the process of separating. However, I can't afford my horse on my own right now and will have to sell her if we do divorce, which is almost as devastating and unfair as losing the person I have loved the past seven years.

I asked my husband if there is anything that would change his mind about the horse stuff. He said he needs to be as distant from it as possible, so I'm fully covering my horse's expenses myself (my husband makes 3x as much money as me so he was paying for a portion of her costs, especially as his job caused us to move to an urban area where horsekeeping is incredibly expensive). He doesn't have to see the horse expenses anymore, and I spend less time at the barn and don't talk about my horse with him now.

Those changes have dramatically improved our marital issues, however, I feel like I'm compromising a huge part of who I am as a person by suppressing the "horse girl" side of me. I love my husband, but I also feel like I deserve to be with someone who supports my passions. A friend was recently talking about how her boyfriend always comes to the barn with her to help with chores, play with the horses, and even rides and I cried so hard about it afterwards.

I can't imagine a life without my spouse. I also can't imagine a life without horses, or a life where horses are just a part time hobby. They are my whole world, and my partner doesn't want to be a part of that world. I am really struggling to accept and adjust to this. My husband says I should give it time because he "might come around" on the issue, but he refuses to go to counseling with me to work through it.

I think the reason this is particularly painful is because I didn't come from a family of horse people and my parents always rejected and ridiculed my passion, and so I had imagined myself being with a spouse who was invested in it too. Since my spouse was initially supportive and involved, I just never imagined we'd end up in this place where he's burnt out and over it and I'm in deeper than ever.

I got a better, non-horse related job recently and am working on saving up to live on my own. But there is no way I can afford my horse anymore, and I am beside myself with grief over this whole issue.