I kinda feel like I'm failing my horse no matter what I do. My partner is supportive, but he can't really understand this. This is basically just one long vent so I can get this off my chest and maybe someone will understand lol.

Like most people on this sub, I had a dream of my horse living outside 24/7. At the time when I found my current barn, I had a geriatric mare with navicular and arthritis who I wanted to get outside and moving. She wasn't moving well after being stalled at night and would often come out three legged lame. I thought 24/7 turnout would help her.

I found a barn that does 24/7 turnout in small group dry lots, free choice hay, and grains once daily. I figured I could make it work, and it did work! She was turned out in a paddock with a mini. It was muddy around the gate area and the shelter, but was otherwise alright, I assume because there was so little foot traffic between an older mini and a near 30 year old achy horse. She was much more comfortable for 2 summers before I decided to let her go.

A few months after she passed, I bought a yearling. Of course I brought him back to my home barn, the barn where I lost my girl.

I am realizing just how bad this arrangement is when you have 4 able-bodied horses in a quarter-acre dry lot. The original situation, where it was just 1 horse and a mini in the paddock, is no longer possible. And they added a horse without mentioning it to me. This is not working. There is no clean place to lay. A third of the paddock is sharp large stones where the horses won't walk ("mud control" but without the soft sandy layer on top due to costs) and the other two-thirds are just mud and feces. There's a literal mountain of manure along the fence that nobody is taking away and has been building up for god knows how long from when they scrape it every few months. Of course I saw this happening, but they kept saying someone was coming to take the manure but it was just too wet outside. However, it's almost July, and it's still there, and growing. I can't even begin to describe the flies.

And at this point, with the hay analysis coming back at a shockingly low 5% protein, I need 2 feedings to make up for the lost protein because I can't change the hay. The barn does not do 2 feedings, and I am an hour away. My horse is on WHEY POWDER. He is a BABY. It's not working in that regard, either.

I scoured the internet. I read through every facebook group, gmail group archive, and local professional newsletter. I looked at acres upon acres of land on google maps within an hour drive of my house to make sure I wasn't missing anything. I called countless places, I asked around, I checked the boards at local feed stores. I can't find another 24/7 turnout situation that also feeds daily. What I am finding are "turn 'em out on the back 40" situations which will not work.

So I'm in this predicament where I know what is happening now is not working, and my ideal situation does not exist, but he cannot live like this. So he's going to be on stall board.

I did find a nice barn only 20 minutes from my house where the ponies are let out rain or shine during the day and are allowed to have overnight "sleepovers" outside when the weather is nice. Max of 12 horses with 21 acres of green hilly pastures, white fencing, run-ins, the whole shebang. The stalls are nice, clean, maintained, have 2 water buckets, respectful horses are allowed to have a stall guard so they can see all their friends, and their hay net system is really nice. And they include 30lbs of hay per day which is pretty damn close to "free choice"! We're moving on July 1st.

Obviously I can't ride my yearling for several more years but my original barn has no issue with me continuing to take lessons there so I'll be okay in that regard. I can bring any trainer I want to the new barn to work with my boy.

I think this is probably the best compromise for everyone involved. But I'm sad! And nervous. And full of turmoil. I am 29 and have been teleported back to when I was a small child scared of starting at a new school. What will the new boarders be like? Will the barn be quieter? How will my yearling adjust? Will he be upset being stalled at night? Am I doing the right thing? I am leaving behind a hacking group and a couple friends. I will miss them. But I have to do what I feel is right for my boy, and I think this is it. I think.