Hello Episcopalians and friends, I have a question for y'all. I attended my local Episcopal church a couple of times back in December because I was feeling a very strong need for an in-person faith community, and, living in Oklahoma and not in one of the larger cities, I have severely limited options for available progressive churches that actually participate in community justice and outreach. I was also curious about UCC and Mennonites, but I would have to travel about 45 minutes to get to either of those, and I'm totally blind so I can't drive. I stopped going because I didn't feel that the style of worship was emotionally resonating with me, but also because there wasn't a permanent priest at the time and they weren't doing communion, which is something I very much wanted to experience.

I only explain all this to say that I really, really want to make the Episcopal church work for me, if I can. They now have a permanent priest and have for a while, so I want to give it another go. And I do enjoy liturgical worship, for the most part. I love ritual and repetition and the feeling of being connected to something ancient and solid. But what I can't seem to get my mind around is scripted prayer. No matter how I think about it, it just feels forced and lifeless to me, and I don't feel God anywhere in it.

I'm used to Evangelical church settings with pretty excessive and over the top prayers, so maybe that's part of it? It's been many years since I last attended one of those churches, but that's what I was brought up with and what I gravitated toward in my teens and early 20s, and maybe I'm still chasing that emotionally manipulative mechanism that will force me to feel something. I don't think that's the whole of it, though, or even most of it. I just really like talking to God, in my own words, about my own feelings and experiences, and I feel like scripted prayer adds some distance that I don't need to be there.

I would love to hear any thoughts anyone has about the benefits of this method of praying, either on a personal level or a church-wide level, and if you have history lessons for me that might put it into some context that I'm lacking, that would be great too. I want to understand and be able to connect, and I think if I could break down this last barrier, the Episcopal church would be perfect for me. Or almost perfect; I also struggle a little with the sedate feeling of the hymns and long for more passion in my worship, but again, that could very well stem from my background and what I've come to expect.