I am a 21 year old male living away at college currently. I first started having seizures Sophomore year of high school due to sleep deprivation and anxiety. They have been progressively getting worse. I live in Massachusetts, so the driving ban is 6 months, and I am unable to drive currently. A couple years ago, I totaled my car driving on the highway with my ex-gf and a friend, because of a seizure.

Recently, both of my shoulders have been getting dislocated extremely often, as they had popped out originally due to some seizures. I can not get surgery to fix the issue, until I am around a year seizure free. To put things into perspective, both my shoulders were dislocated in the past 2 days, being in and out of bed.

I have been getting into MMA (jiujitsu/grappling/boxing, etc.) for the past 3 years but that seems like it is out of the question anytime soon. It's extremely upsetting because that was one of my sure to way's of having me distress, exercise, and to get my anger and frustration out.

On top of this, as of maybe a bit over a month ago, my first girlfriend (of 2 years) and I had broken up and I am taking it extremely hard. I have had a couple of seizures in between the final break, and we used to live together on campus, so she knew everything about my condition and was always there for me. I have no friends on campus anymore and I have spiraled into a really bad depression. I see a counselor once in a while, am seeing a different girl (I can't come though), and have alerted some people about what is going on and my prior suicidal tendencies.

I have her blocked, as well as her roommates and friends, as I am always thinking about her and tend to say rash hurtful things in the heat of the moment. I feel so hopeless and alone and after being with someone else, I have realized what I had, what love really was, and that I took it for granted and that being different and having different interests isn't a reason to end things. There's no way of fixing things, so I just have to continue this semester by myself, and try to overcome everything.

Regarding school, I am only taking four classes but I am extremely behind in all of them. I will be taking next semester off, but everything is falling apart. I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to post on, but I desperately need some help and I feel like my memory is going down the drain and my brain is all jumbled. I'm terrified of having more seizures, and with all these different doctor appointments and due dates around the corner, I feel as if things won't get better. I'm using great breathing techniques, talking to different resources to try to get any accommodations, and working on my health. Hopefully others have similar issues. I'll be having a neurpsychological test soon to be able to diagnose me with any other issue, but I am nervous about being prescribed more medications as well as it preventing me from getting a government job.