(I didn’t know what to put for flair)

Before I (27F) got diagnosed, I already had it in my mind that I didn’t want to have kids. I just wanted to get married and do my thing BUT the option was always there in case I changed my mind in the future.

Since I’ve been diagnosed, I’ve spent some time looking up the side effects of Tegratol. In summary, if I take the medication and get pregnant (this is from my understanding and if anybody knows more than I do, please help) my child be at high risk of spina bifada, encephalitis, or complications of the brain themselves. If I’m off the medication, I’m at a high risk of having more seizures and from the way they’ve been going throughout these last few years, they’ve ONLY gotten worse.

With that being said, I’m afraid to bring a child into this world and have them suffer from something that I could have easily avoided. I’m also afraid that if all things happen successfully, that they’d possibly see me have seizures, as well as me have the possibility of developing dementia when I get older due to my gran mal epilepsy. Altogether, I just chalked it up to being safe and kids are not part of my plan and it makes me a little depressed on top of everything else.

Edit: @ everybody who has commented, I love you guys and this community. Thank you for your kind words and for being supportive because sometimes this topic makes me feel so horrible about myself.