We used to be friends (I… think.) I remember that I became friends with her and this other girl when I was in ninth grade (they would have been in tenth.) They walked up to me in Chemistry when I had no one to work with (they were with a guy who I promise will become more relevant later on.) I think they felt bad. I remember having the impression that this girl was nice and smart.

I remember that her grades were low, even though she was not “dumb.” She had a C in Chemistry because she did not do the homework, and yet received high scores on the exams. I don’t remember how low her GPA was, but I think that it was below a 3.0. Over quarantine, she did not fare much better academically - I remember she almost received a “No Pass” (an F) in AP English as a junior, and was doing badly enough overall in her chosen AP courses to a point wherein she once admitted she was considering not going to college (I suspect she ended up going. Probably community.)

She was average looking (I think most people would agree on this, if they were to assess her appearance objectively.) She was not “thin” (I last saw her a year ago, and I remember deciding that she is probably technically somewhat overweight even though she was on the swim team.) She was Hispanic, but white passing (quite literally looked white.) She’d had more than one boyfriend, but mentioned over quarantine that the only guys who asked her out were black (this is somewhat odd, since the city we attended high school in is actually mainly white and Asian in terms of racial demographics.) She seemed to be aware of the fact that her ex boyfriends dealt with internalized racism (she suggested that one of them had wanted her because they thought she was white.) She’d had multiple people who crushed on her. She did not seem to know why black males were the only ones who asked her out. In her senior year, she started dating this 1/2 black 1/2 white boy who I actually felt to be slightly below average facially.

Her social media account is private, and she has more followers than she does people she follows back (though she has never had a lot of followers, nor was she immediately familiar with grade wide gossip, which is partly why I can’t help but wonder what ever made her think that anyone in her class “cared” about her. I remember that she did seem social enough later on in PE, but their grade - Class of 2022, I mean - actually did have specific students who were well-known and cared about. She was not one of them. She had 400-something followers, and followed 200-something people back. At some point within the last few months she removed enough people to a point wherein she now has about 230 followers, and follows 213 people. The most popular people I’ve ever known had more followers than that.)

Over quarantine, she gave me advice a lot. I remember that she kind of gave off maternal vibes, I don’t know. She grew tired of doing so but did not tell me this directly (she made a post where she suggested that she’d cut a guy off or something - blocked them maybe, I don’t remember - because they tended to ask her for things yet didn’t really ask her how her day was.) I asked if I was one of the people who was doing this, she was honest and admitted she hadn’t known he to tell me. I started asking her how her day was afterward.

I remember that on her private spam account, she tended to sound like she regretted things.

In May 2021, my “friendship” with her and the other girl ended. Basically, the guy who was mentioned above grew defensive after I asked him if he considered himself to be a co founder of the organization we were in (she had advised when I complained about this in our group chat that I do so, and gave me his phone number.) He insulted me. I felt suicidal and posted about this on my private spam account.

Two weeks later, she “argued his side” when this was brought up again even though two friends of his within the organization had already done so (and even though a teacher agreed that his tone was disrespectful - said teacher suggested org members did not have good morals.) Long story short, she and the other girl blocked me after I made a spam post saying I felt that my side in a conflict was not understood by some (the other girl sent a long message basically saying something about how I was making the described girl “look bad.”) I was actually told by someone when I Complained about the situation that no one in their class “cared” about them (this meant that they were not popular.) The other girl said they were on the guy’s “side” (members of the organization had declared that “sides would be taken” if we had a meeting about the guy’s comments.) The guy quit the organization five months later, which really made all of it pointless. I continued to see her around with the guy, who is likely either an ESFJ or ESFP (a peer of theirs suggested that the guy became meaner over quarantine. I can’t help but wonder if maybe this girl did, too.) I remember she suggested that I “call a lot of things that aren’t racist racist” in the guy’s favor (though if I am being reasonable, the guy suggesting that me providing my voice as a black person after the George Floyd murder was irrelevant as other black leaders spoke, is something that I do indeed feel to have been performative activism.) She sent our other “friend” screenshots of the conversation (though I really don’t see how this proved to be helpful.)

When she was a senior, I had PE with her. I realized then that she was fake. I had never realized it before. She had a look on her face like she recognized me when she switched into the class for second semester. When I say that she is fake, what I mean is that she once made an “ouch” face when I missed the ball - like one of those faces someone makes when they are pretending to be concerned about you or about something or the kind of reaction someone has because they’re supposed to have it. And on the last day - on her last day - she tried to talk to me a bit when I was sitting down even though she blocked my new private spam account not terribly long before (or didn’t just like act like she couldn’t talk to me I remember I ignored her a bit I don’t know how to explain it it wasn’t like a “let’s reconcile’ type thing it was just her being fake.)

When I reflect on my high school experience, she is now someone who I dislike/feel was perhaps actually untrustworthy for some reason (I think that it’s just because of how fake she seemed when we had PE together… but also the whole “this is impacting my reputation” thing. I mostly don’t care about her or the other girl, but it just gives me really bad vibes… especially since I don’t think that either of them was actually a “popular” student.

I remember that she simply looked amused in her senior yr when I was complaining about black males to my Asian female friend. I also remember that when she was a senior, I had the impression that she thought herself to be more physically attractive than she actually is, even though she was average (it was a vibe.)

She and the guy no longer follow each other on social media. Her profile was “I’d really rather not be approached tbh” and at another point “I’m gonna have to block you there.” She and the guy who she defended no longer follow each other on social media, and I noticed this around six-seven months. The guy who she defended quit the organization five months after she defended him, and the organization as a whole rarely plans anything - she wasted her time.

A former friend or acquaintance of hers recently posted her social media account making fun of her weight/impersonating her. After an Internet stranger told her, she changed her username to “user” (lots of numbers after.) She broke up with the mixed boy she started dating in 12th grade nearly two weeks afterward (they had a picture of them together as their profile picture. Both now have a blank profile pic. The woman who I’m referring to removed his name from her caption and now has no profile pic, no caption, no recognizable username, and deleted all three of the posts she had even though her account was already private instead of just deleting Instagram as a whole.) I notice that her ex boyfriend, who she broke up with maybe a week ago I’m guessing (he may have broken it off with her) still seems active on social media, which makes me wonder how he’s taking it.

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