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Hi! I think that figuring out which type I disintegrate toward may help me figure out my real type for once and for all (I am now debating between 9w1 and 6. Iāve thought before that I could simply be a very unhealthy 9w1, as I have depression and anxiety and have experienced a legitimately traumatic event within the last five years, but am not sure.)
So, I would say that Iām definitely moving toward becoming a healthier personā¦ but am still not āhealthy.ā I was feeling decent - happy, even, on Valentineās Day - but now that my job is on a break Iām not as relaxed as Iād like to be. I think there are two big reasons as to why: 1) I learned through social media that a woman who I share a mutual dislike with has a boyfriend, and weirdly enough on Valentineās Day I donāt think this bothered me but Iām all of a sudden beginning deep down inside to worry about/think about my appearance in the way I always have when I spend too much time on my own (to be fair, itās only been two days as of today, but since Iām in community college I donāt really have any close personal connections, my courses are online this semester.) I live in an area wherein there arenāt actually many people who are the same race as me, and understand this to be a factor, but still. But now Iām thinking all over again about how, even though Iāve reminded myself multiple times within this past year that I donāt āneedā a boyfriend right now (still figuring myself out and must focus on my goals,) it would be kind of nice to actually go out with someone againā¦ especially someone who had goals of his own, was perhaps going places. 2) Iām sleepy and am on my period. I always go to bed too late, though.
Itās really weird because I know that I donāt even want a boyfriend itās like itās just about wanting to prove to myself again that Iām attractive to some people, gosh I know it makes no sense
I have not done anything productive these past two days but also havenāt made a particular effort to enjoy myself, really, and this is how I am when particularly unhealthy. Iām all of a sudden finding myself in my own head and thinking a lot, which is also what typically tends to happen to me when Iām very unhealthy. Im just staying up listening to music even though I know im tired and need to go take a shower
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- 9 months ago
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