Hi! I think that figuring out which type I disintegrate toward may help me figure out my real type for once and for all (I am now debating between 9w1 and 6. I’ve thought before that I could simply be a very unhealthy 9w1, as I have depression and anxiety and have experienced a legitimately traumatic event within the last five years, but am not sure.)

So, I would say that I’m definitely moving toward becoming a healthier person… but am still not “healthy.” I was feeling decent - happy, even, on Valentine’s Day - but now that my job is on a break I’m not as relaxed as I’d like to be. I think there are two big reasons as to why: 1) I learned through social media that a woman who I share a mutual dislike with has a boyfriend, and weirdly enough on Valentine’s Day I don’t think this bothered me but I’m all of a sudden beginning deep down inside to worry about/think about my appearance in the way I always have when I spend too much time on my own (to be fair, it’s only been two days as of today, but since I’m in community college I don’t really have any close personal connections, my courses are online this semester.) I live in an area wherein there aren’t actually many people who are the same race as me, and understand this to be a factor, but still. But now I’m thinking all over again about how, even though I’ve reminded myself multiple times within this past year that I don’t “need” a boyfriend right now (still figuring myself out and must focus on my goals,) it would be kind of nice to actually go out with someone again… especially someone who had goals of his own, was perhaps going places. 2) I’m sleepy and am on my period. I always go to bed too late, though.

It’s really weird because I know that I don’t even want a boyfriend it’s like it’s just about wanting to prove to myself again that I’m attractive to some people, gosh I know it makes no sense

I have not done anything productive these past two days but also haven’t made a particular effort to enjoy myself, really, and this is how I am when particularly unhealthy. I’m all of a sudden finding myself in my own head and thinking a lot, which is also what typically tends to happen to me when I’m very unhealthy. Im just staying up listening to music even though I know im tired and need to go take a shower

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