From the outside I seem like I have everything together. Im a 21 year male student at a prestigious university, I have decent part time job making higher than average pay, Im smart, im not ugly (or at least I don't think I am right now), also my family loves me very much and is actually pretty well-off but I feel like Im literally just balancing on a tight rope right now waiting until the day something finally pushes me over the edge and I get hooked on drugs or just end myself. I have suicidal thoughts daily but have never attempted. My family is the only thing thats stopping me. I just feel like I will never truly be happy. I gave up believing in god because its just not doing anything for me. I am just falling apart. I was in a very bad car accident last year that could have been deadly if my car was just pushed a few feet forward. I often wish I would have been pushed those few feet. Sometimes I hope I would find out I have some chronic illness and that would just push me over the edge. I just dont know what to do. Please help.