I keep reading how 4s are extremely empathetic, the ideal people to have around after a breakup or when someone passes away... but I can be pretty insensitive towards other people, even those I care about.

While I do my best to be comforting in these situations, it quickly starts to bother me when people take too long to "get over it" -- which is extremely hypocritical, since it takes me forever to recover from similar experiences.

The same is true when other people share their worries and anxieties with me. While I try to see things from their point of view, and to provide some manner of support, it doesn't take me long to disengage.

I can't be the only 4 that feels this way, so I am guessing this is just an acute case of "self-centeredness"?

I am aware that I am not a healthy 4, and I believe this behavior is motivated by my own worries and insecurities. I tend to be emotionally dependent, always looking for someone strong and decisive to look after me... which is likely why is am so put off by any show of weakness. I am especially attracted to those capable of managing all and any real world problems and responsabilities, since they allow me the freedom to concern myself with all sorts of plans and ideas (most of which never come to fruition, thanks to my fickle nature and inability to see things through!)

In other words, I have an utilitarian approach to people -- I try to surround myself with those who can make my life easier and simpler, in an attempt to compensate for my inferiority complex and constant need for self actualization.

This might also explain why I abhor loud and obnoxious behaviour, attention-seekers, and outwardly dramatic people in general. My inner life is complex enough as it is, so I don't need anyone or anything to add to it.

Does this make sense in a 4s experience? In the past, I was confused as to whether I was a 4 or a 6, but I am pretty sure I am a classic 4...

EDIT: Please bare in mind that I am not a bad person. 4s are notoriously hard on themselves, so this description is likely very exaggerated.

EDIT 2: I am honestly unsure if I am a 4w5 or a 4w3. Either way, it seems that (some) core 4s can relate.