Free Throw: my girlfriend dumped me because I like beer better and don’t leave my room

American Football: I never meant to ignore my girlfriend and now she’s gone

Joyce Manor: I like my girlfriend enough but I think Im in LOVE with yours

Tiny Moving Parts: how can I love my girlfriend if I don’t love myself

Mom Jeans.: my girlfriend left me for obvious reasons but I’m working hard to get her back.

Glocca Morra: in borat voice, “mai wiiiife”

Sorority Noise: I will literally kill myself if my girlfriend breaks up with me.

Old Gray: When I was 15 my girlfriend broke my heart and I will never love again.

Moose Blood: my girlfriend is 15.

Dowsing: I want a girlfriend that can name all 151 original Pokémon in order.

Origami Angel: you can’t be my girlfriend unless you can name all Gen I through V Pokémon in order.

Modern Baseball: how am I supposed to get a girlfriend when I have band practice and two jobs (and crippling social anxiety)

Hotelier : girlfriend is such an outdated concept, what I want is a partner that makes me less sad

The World Is A Beautiful Place and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die: who needs a girlfriend when the world is a beautiful place and I am no longer afraid to die.

Empire! Empire! I Was a Lonely Estate: I had a girlfriend but it didn’t make me any less lonely.

Front Bottoms: my girlfriend could bench me and I can barely carry my gear.

Crying: I miss my boyfriend

Adventures: Hey does your boyfriend listen to Code Orange?

McCafferty: I am only interested in The Front Bottoms girlfriend and no one else will do.

You Blew It!: i don’t have a girlfriend, I blew it.

Pinkerton Era Weezer: Fuck girlfriends they are the worst (also please I just need a woman to even acknowledge me)

TTNG: my ex-girlfriend is a mathematician.

Charmer: my girlfriend is the only person I know who self medicates more than I do.

Dikembe: my only friends were my girlfriends friends and she just broke up with me.

Michael Cera Palin: I need to figure my shit out before I even consider getting a girlfriend.

Olde Pine: I don’t want no scrubs.

Algernon Cadwallader: You guys have girlfriends?