I’ve had a goal to window pane, well I did. I’ve taken acid every few years for uhm life I guess. I took 4 hits, first I felt good, signing along to some of my favorite songs but eventually I lost my shoes and started freaking the fuck out. Tore my house up looking for my shoes, still couldn’t find them so I just settled on a mismatched pair of shoes. Afterwards, I freaked out because I tore my place up really good. I couldn’t stand to be in house anymore so I sat on the porch and proceeded to call anyone that might come over but that didn’t go well and just started arguing irrational. My baby momma came over and tried to rob me because she knew I was fucked up. She came over and was trying to seduce me which was odd because we aren’t flirty or sexual but just cool with each other. I got frustrated and grabbed a small knife that I was cutting the tabs with. She left and I stabbed my chair a whole bunch of times in frustrated. This is when my ego death started.. First, I came to the conclusion that the meaning of life is nothing and we are only created to be destroyed. I was convinced that when I processed this thought I was onto some profound thought that is dangerous and when processed with this knowledge it is gonna make my head explode. There was this high pitch noise that corresponds with the thought that only grew louder. I was trying to calm down but weirder shit kept happening. My vision started glitching out like having numbers glitching in the corner of my eyes. I walked upstairs to my bed and collapsed. My mind faded to black and I was trying to fight it off because I was convinced that death was imminent. Everything faded to black. I felt like I was floating in space, there was a white speck that spoke and it was my ex wife’s voice. The significance of this person haunts me everyday but not possible. I didn’t respond because no matter how significant, it’s such a moot point. I died then but in a matter of a few seconds so many things flashed. The most important thing was me severely handicapped from the aftermath in a wheelchair in a room asking what happened to me? My mother’s voice spoke and said well he fried his brain from drugs. As I set there drooling confined to a wheelchair. Then I was a creature paralyzed inside of my body fighting to control my body. The creature wins and I become a higher functioning person. I passed out for a while and when I awoke I reached for my phone. My eyes glitched and I just put the phone downstairs and tried to process this. I was still tripping but I was just small waves of weird shit but nothing like that. It haunts me, I think about it but it all feels like loose ends I don’t understand. If anyone has any ideas because I think about this a lot