B-D-S-M

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What is it?

Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. Some people also include the D and S part as D/s as in dominant and submissive. The term " BDSM " came with the advent of the internet on chat forums as an abbreviated term in the fetish/kink community for a niche subculture essentially it's an umbrella term covering a whole bunch of umbrella terms. People used to refer to the individual components rather than saying " I am into BDSM " they would have said " I am into bondage and sadism". The activities that encompass BDSM are diverse ranging from mild to very wild. For example most people unwittingly have done some form of BDSM activity for instance have you slapped a spouses ass walking past in the kitchen? though we tend to think of things like handcuffs, whips, flogging etc as BDSM in mainstream culture which can very much be part of it for many people.

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It's important to consider that BDSM often includes activities outside of what is usually typical so having a good and clear communication style is important and can really make the differance between someone feeling good and someone feeling assaulted certainly flogging someone should not be a surprise when engaging in this activity for the first time. Often times BDSM play with themes of authority exchange or situations that are not typically consensual. Understanding the fantasy and the reality is important the art of BDSM exploration is taking emotional perceptions in fantasy and making them reality often it takes inginuity and creativity. For instance if you have a fantasy of a Dom capturing you, tieing you up and whipping you it may feel erotic, the reality is that this can cause injury, feel like literal tourture, and be a traumatic experiance if it was literally unconsensual usually this is what people see in porn. The reality is experianced kinksters tend to

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- Have a dialog about doing the scene before it is done they convey information about possible triggers, draw up boundaries and limits, share pertinant information that can be a wild card like heart conditions, or diabieties, discuss what they want to emotionally and physically gain from the scene itself

- Establish a way of withdrawing consent, praticularly when the scene may have resistance type play using stop gaps such as safe words so there is little to no confusion about withdrawing consent,

- The Dom is going to understand the toy's they use and modulate them to the tolerances of the bottom as opposed to using at maximum potential for instance a whip can split skin having a dom that can control the toy ranging from a light kiss to a hard impact is crucial and brings a degree of control

- The dom is going to pay attention check in with the sub, watch body language and can call the scene if things seem off.

- People often debrief when it's done talk about the things they enjoyed and did not.

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BDSM, comes with inharent risks, there are a lot of wild cards people who engage in it ought to understand can not always be mitigated so a greater degree of personal responsibility is needed, a successful BDSM scene everone gains some kind of bennifit. Sometimes they go south and all parties need to be able to deal with it and aid the other threw the issues.

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