Looking for some encouragement to eat my own cum. Either female or Sissy/Femboy. It can be as a regular chat partner (chill talk about how I can do it), or in a dom/sub setting (where you're instructing and telling me what to do).

I am somewhat of a Sissy in the closet (as I can't currently live out those fantasies IRL), but one of the fantasies I could live out would be being a cumslut for my own cum.

The problem is that I can't find people who are also coming from the same mindset like me and could help me do it.

The problem I'm facing is that once I get to the real cum (after either ruining orgasm or normal cumming), I get post-nut-clarity and my "cumslut Sissy mindset" is completely gone (yes, even after ruining my orgasm). What I want to achieve is to still have this "cumslut Sissy mindset" even after cum comes out, so even if I won't feel like eating cum, I will eat it as it's "my duty as a cumslut Sissy".

I tried various methods. I tried:

• ruining my orgasm

• cumming into an empty pill bottle and consuming it later when I'm horny again

• cross dressing (with what I have available at home), pretending to be a woman, listen to some Sissy Hypno and hype myself up for eating my own cum

• trying to cum directly into my mouth

In the three first cases, I got post nut clarity and I changed mindsets immediately. I got disgusted by this and everything around it, and quit my masturbation session as soon as possible.

The last point didn't work because I am unable to have an erection if I put my legs up over my head. It's theoretically possible to shoot cum into my mouth, but as I said, I can't keep an erection and the physical effort of doing it kills my horniness immediately, it's worse than working out.

Preferably looking for around my age, I'm 27. Chat only on Reddit, not willing to send pictures, I just need some encouragement.