Last month on the 25th I went to Monte Nido's residential program. I was terrified and really struggled my first week there. I had to be on refeeding protocol my first week and a half and that was scary to me.

Tuesday was my last day because insurance stopped approving more time, and I didn't feel ready at all. I was doing really well, but now that I'm home I'm scared. I'm trying my best and know that my son needs me to recover, but I accidentally saw my weight today at the doctor even though I actively avoided it and I had gained weight. Today has been really hard and part of me regrets it.

Eating 3 meals and 3 snacks every day is hard at home. Like, it was hard there, but it's even harder at home. Meal planning is terrifying and I still have panic attacks at every meal/snack. I lost my graduation rock too and I was using that in place of my quote and reasons cards I had at the table there since I forgot them.

I'm just really struggling today and it doesn't feel worth it to recover even though I know it is. My son needs me to recover.

Can someone just offer some advice on how not to focus so much on the fact that I gained weight?