Should I ask my partner for help?

I'm 18 (12 weeks pregnant) recovered anorexic and bulimic.I've been almost purge free since October 2022 but anytime I feel nauseous or start gaging for no reason I go and force it out, I'm not sure if this counts as purging but or not I told my mother and she seemed concerned, none of this (imo) was intentionally participating in ED behaviors until last night

I got into an argument with my fiance after we went out for snocones and I ended up purging, and then fighting the urge to binge I ended up having a reasonable portion because I ate with him next to me and I'm too embarrassed for him to see me binge. But he's at work for the day and I'm trying to ignore the food that I could be enjoying right now, I don't need it and I've had a healthy breakfast less than an hour ago and anytime I do b/p I want to eat my vomit so bad it's so hard for me not to eat my puke out of the toilet, I know its terrible for me and my baby but it's all I can think about

I'm honestly terrified I'm going to fully relapse and harm or lose our child, I've tried getting back into therapy but as a sahm I really don't have the time or means to finish the intake process I'm not sure if I should share this with my partner because it's embarrassing and I don't want to get scolded for my behavior