Y’all. I am really, really, really tired of being gaslit into believing that Eugenia is “doing fine and everything”. I know she is mentally ill and needs help, I guess this is more of a vent than anything. But it is a really painful, crazymaking, sad experience to listen to Eugenia tell us she’s actually perfectly healthy and we should have no cause for concern.

If she’s not comfortable going into the details about her eating disorder, that’s totally fine, but I wish she would just say so. It’s okay to just be like “hey I’m struggling but I really don’t want to share the details because it’s too personal.” I think a lot of us would be 100% satisfied with a response like that and we wouldn’t press her for more.

But no. Instead she has to tell us she’s healthy and we are wrong for thinking otherwise. In tonight’s stream she mentioned the following things:

She’s not actually in pain all the time. She doesn’t get lightheaded or dizzy. Everyone’s body is different (aka her body can handle being this thin without issues). We can’t tell what her health is just from her appearance. She’s not hungry all the time. She’s fine. She’s doing well. We don’t need to worry about her.

And ya know, after hearing her repeat this stuff so much, part of me started to believe it. Like... maybe she DOES feel fine. Maybe she DOESN’T have an ED. Maybe her doctor IS actively taking care of her.

But tbh it’s scary that I could believe that. Because in reality, after taking one look at Eugenia, you know she is not healthy. And you know she needs help.

So I guess I want to make a list of reasons why she is very obviously unhealthy, to remind myself and others that we’re not crazy.

Yes Eugenia, we do actually “know your health” just by watching you because:

1. You are severely underweight with an extremely low body fat percentage. This fact in itself means that you are not consuming enough food to sustain your body and its functions. You are malnourished. It’s extremely likely that you have nutritional deficiencies and imbalances. And we have watched you actively lose a lot of weight, so we know you’re not just maintaining your current condition. This means you are NOT HEALTHY. Sure it could be from a different illness other than an ED, but either way it’s not healthy. And you have admitted to having an ED in the past.

2. You have abnormal spots on your skin indicative of scurvy. Your skin also shows poor circulation. You have jerky muscle spasms. You shake. You stutter. Your lips are dry and cracked to the point of bleeding.

3. You sleep in a chair with a heated blanket. You have excessive padding on your gaming chair and have to use a towel to sit on a rock outside. You clutch your lower back when you stand up.

4. Your relationship with your mother is not normal and raises concerns for your mental health. No 27 yo adult woman who is financially independent still lives with their parents (unless the parent is ill and the child is a caregiver). You are unable to drive for yourself. You do not know the basics of cooking. You cannot take care of your hair by yourself and instead have to go to a salon just to wash it.

5. When it comes to interacting with others, you only do so online. And in those interactions, you often show a lack of personal boundaries, excessive trust and naivety, and major “fawning” (apologizing for everything, trying to please everyone who talks to her) which is a trauma coping mechanism.

I’m sure there’s more so feel free to keep listing anything you can think of.

And Eugenia, I don’t think people are going to stop coming at you until you admit that you are not healthy. Maybe you don’t want help, fine. Maybe you don’t want to go into the details, fine. But for the love of god stop telling us you’re doing okay. You’re not okay.